FEELINGS-IX

YEAR 2010

That day when i proposed to Priya i was so happy.It was like all the frustrations which i had in my life until then had vanished.For the first time i knew what it was to be in love with someone, with the other also reciprocating it.Even the way she looked at me seemed different from the next day.Life had changed.It also helped that the duration of our project was extended by another 6 months as our HR head was impressed by our work.At the corner of my mind though i was worried about Divya. How would she take the news of her husband having another woman in his life? I made sure it did not reflect in my exterior outlook because i did not want to lose this special relationship.

AUGUST 25th 2010:

My mother had told that Divya's parents had taken my current number.She had left for America as she had finally managed to obtain a visa.I became a bit apprehensive.I wanted to tell them that their daughter's life was not rosy as they had thought.It was no Phool only Kante.But i dint know what to do.Was i to tell her?She may take it in some other way considering the equation we had.The next month i did not hear from Divya.All the while i was feeling guilty. I had left my friend in the cold outside to fend for herself.Had she come to know of the truth?These feelings haunted me. Life with Priya was different.Visits to the park in the evening,watching the sunrise in the morning,candlelight dinners.It all seemed surreal to me,a neverending dream. Unfortunately Varun was feeling left out.

One day i recieved a phone call from an unknown number. The person on the other side of the line was sobbing.It was Divya!!!She was weeping furiously,hardly able to talk anything. I asked as to where she was.When i went to St.Agnes railway station she stood there helpless with her large suitcases.Her nose had turned red due to the cold,her eyes after what i could perceive as hours of crying.Her husband's place was 1 hour from mine.She hugged me and wept vehemently.I could feel her insecurity.She just asked me one question:
"You will not leave me now right?"I really felt very bad.

If I had told her before she came here,atleast she would have had her parents.In this alien land i had made her feel alone.I brought her to my apartment.I introduced Priya and Varun to Divya as my friends.After making Divya sleep in her room,Priya did not look amused.She asked as to why i had introduced like that.I then had to tell the history between us.I now know that between partners it is good to hide certain things for the sake of the relationship.I could sense a change in Priya's perception of Divya.

I wanted to bring Harish to book.We decided to complain to the Indian Embassy about this so that they could help Divya out. I was spending more time with Divya now. We used to regularly travel together to the Embassy in New York now which almost used to take a whole 2 days.We had decided that we would tell Divya's parents after a while as her parents might not take it well.One day all 4 of us went to shopping in a nearby mall to cheer up Divya. As she dint know that Priya and me were seeing each other she could not understand some of the sensitivites. Sample when we were picking a shirt for me Divya overruled a shirt that Priya had picked for her shirt.

That night Priya asked whether we could talk a while.Absence of communication always raises doubts.I had not been honest with either of them. Priya had felt that i still had feelings for Divya.My efforts to qualm her doubts proved to be a dead end.The embassy were generous to provide a counsel for Divya.The case was shifted later to a court in India.Divya could now go back there in March.

FEB 14th 2011

I was excited this day.The couple of months which had passed were bad for Priya's and my relationship.So i wanted to make this day a special one.As it was a Sunday we had a holiday. I had gone out that morning to make some bookings in a hotel for a romantic dinner.I had also bought a gift for her.When i returned in the afternoon the scene had changed. Priya was sitting on the couch visibly angry. Varun told that the girls had a fight after Priya saw a card which Divya had bought for me.Priya had told her about our relationship and ordered her to get out from the apartment.What had made Priya so insensitive to a fellow woman?What had bought about this transformation?

I now understand that it was her love for me,the feeling that i may leave her,this possessiveness is a trait in every human being.Boys have it more than girls sometimes.But that day i dint understand this.What was supposed to be a romantic day turned out to be a black day for me.I went out in search for Divya after mouthing expletives to Priya.I tried to call Divya's cell but she would not pick up.When she did she did not speak.After repeated calls she told that she was going to the airport which was a 4 hours drive.I now took a taxi and sped to the airport.It helped that the taxi driver was an Indian.

When i reached there i could not find her.Just then i saw her.She was sitting on the corner seats all alone.I went to her and we stood there looking at each other with a long pause.I told her to stay.She told that she had booked a ticket by the "speed ticket" offer and that she did not want to interfere in my life.She was hurt that i had not told her.She had also come to know that i had known of her husband's relationship which she felt showed my true feelings for her.My repeated badgering did not help.She said she had to go.As the announcement for her plane came she held my hand.So many things which we wanted to say before bidding goodbye drew blank.I had let her down again.That was the final straw in our relationship.

She left.By the time i returned to my apartment it was 2 in the morning.As i opened the door there was darkness everywhere.I checked to see if Varun was asleep as i wanted someone to talk to,to share my feelings.I knew only he could understand me now.As i opened the door i saw that Varun and Priya had slept.I was shocked out of my senses.I was so angry that i yelled leading to both of them getting up.

"How could you??!!" "How could you!!" i yelled repeatedly.Now i was cheated.On the same day i had lost two girls.And my friend Varun how could he do this!They tried to calm me down.They were attempting to give some explanations but i would have none of it.I was feeling so disgusted that I stormed out of the apartment.I cried so much that day.It was like the turbulent clouds had come visiting again.I had become emotionless.Sensing something very wrong in me my parents asked whether i wanted to return back.

In the next few days i had left my job and returned to India.I was feeling so lonely now.Not able to comprehend this cruel fate of mine i had gone into depression.After weeks of visits to the psychiatrist and then a job in another company i had finally come to terms with life.I had decided never to fall in love again.This mechanical life of mine continued until 4 years later my parents had found a wife for me in Suchitra.

JULY 23rd 2015
I remembered that i had to ask them as to why they had cheated me.Varun told that whenever Priya would feel insecure about Divya and me she had found an emotional support in him.As one thing led to the other that fateful day they had a lot of wine and whisky and in a moment of weakness they had done it.I could still not accept it.

But as i was returning to my home i felt an easy calmness.I did not have any baggage of the past now.For whatever reason they had done it,it was not intended to.

I had learnt something from all my brief "love"ly experiences.
If Sindhu had taught me to be more careful before making any move,Divya had taught me to be more courageous and honest,not to hide anything from someone you love,to stand up for one's love.Priya had taught me what love was actually,how to put it in perspective and how lack or miscommunication creates this unbridgeable gap between partners.

I decided to be completely honest about my past to my fiance.I went in the evening and told her everything and asked whether she still wanted to marry me.She looked in my eye and said "Yes".
Sometimes in life God deprives us of certain desires in order to make us truly enjoy something which we acquire later in life.I had to go through all the experiences to have a happily married life.I was "MEANT TO LOVE".
Now i understand.

AUGUST 10th 2015
My wife asked me what gift i would give her on our honeymoon.I said that i would write a blog on all my experiences until i met my true soulmate.So here it is i have opened my heart to you.It may not be Great BUT IT IS MINE!! I Jatin Bhagwat am happy.Hope you come up with your experiences too.And when you do dont forget to give me a link to it.
Cheers!!