FEELINGS-III

It was her.She had seen me at the door and subsequently my attempt to disappear.She came to the door and asked as to why i was leaving.I started mumbling some reason but i guess she knew.She might have understood me through our various conversations but this was to be the first face to face.I dint know it was also going to be the last.She introduced me to her fiance.He was working in a top MNC and her parents had arranged their 'milana'.

The meeting was very awkward for me especially because none of us knew why I was actually there.Sindhu dint know i was about to reveal my feelings,He dint know who i was and I was never sure anyway.The whole conversation petered around how they were introduced to each other and the romantic ballads he had written for her.

I wanted to get up and go as i was kicking myself for having made a fool myself.I dint know why she had agreed to meet up if she was busy with someone else.Why had she written that letter?So many questions but no one to answer.

After our 'rendezvous' with each other we all left to our rooms/homes.I watched them take off on their costly bike.I felt letdown by her.It only confirmed my notion that all girls were cosmetic.
She later pinged me on gtalk but i was in no mood to respond.

I felt cheated.I had always romanticised the movie scenes where the hero walks away dejected with his heart broken but never knew it hurts. I dint go online for some days after this.When i went online eventually i received some chat which was sent when i was offline.It was from her and wanted to talk.I sent back a mail saying "No,thank you!".I dint know why i was so rattled then that i sent a crude reply back.I came to regret this decision later in my life.Not then.Then i was just angry.Immature to handle it.My experience with a 'girl' had made me suspicious about their breed ,enough to make me cynical about everything love.

The entire semester passed and it was time to leave college.Hugs and tears on the last day as well as many goodbyes.I would not be able to meet some of my best friends regularly everyday.I would miss everything-the classroom,the daily chai at the bakery,the yampa gossips,pranks played on teachers.I had watched a movie on life in engineering,at the end of which the protagonist says it is going to be the beginning of days of responsibility.

I was nervous on how i would be able to handle it.The gap between the last day and my joining date in the company i was placed was a month and a half.During this time i felt very alone.Friends were busy in their own world and no one to share my innermost feelings.I decided that i would go to my native Kumta a remote village in the coastal area of Karnataka.The last time i had gone there was when i was in 6th standard.So wanted to see the change that had happened there and also to digress from my present mood.

23rd June:
After getting down from the bus in the morning i took an auto to my grandma' place.All through the route i was soaking in the fresh,unpolluted air,the amount of generosity Mother Nature had bestowed upon this village had entralled me before and still to this day continued.Nothing much had changed since the last time i was here.There were some notable ones though:a cable dish on most of the homes and boundary walls earlier made of thorns and cactus were now being replaced by concretized walls.

This was the change that i could perceive from outside.After i got to my grandma house I was amazed to see the change that had taken place there.Floors were now tiled,walls cemented and many other changes.After the customary grandma-grandson talk,I decided to walk around the vast acres of the estate.Green leaves,clear water,pure air-all the ingredients to forget our troubles and tribulations was there.

In the evening a girl came visiting to the house.My grandma asked whether i could identify her.I could not recollect who she was.Grandma told that she was Divya.This brought a rush of memories back to me.We used to play when we were little children.I used to call her 'soda batli' because she used to wear spectacles then.

Now she had changed so much that i could not recognize her.After a very shy sharing of complimentaries she proceeded to give a tin of butter she had brought.And immediately left.We had a lot to talk,lot of catching up to do,so the next day i went to her house.

Our families were very close friends.She had a brother whom we all used to lovingly call Bhatta. We both had troubled grandma a lot and played many other pranks whenever i used to go to my village.Divya was not there.After having to forcefully eat a lot of sweets given by doting aunty Bhatta offered to take me around.While going out Divya was just coming back to the house.I wanted to stay back but knowing Bhatta i dared not to refuse.

After sharing a brief glance with each other,I was taken to the village market.I saw an internet cafe on the way. I decided to check my mails as the joining date was nearing.Bhatta shouted in excitement whenever an ad or popup featuring an attractive girl wearing minimal clothing came up on the screen.I had to hush him down.He seemed very dazzled with the speed with which i wrote mails,sent as well as read some.He later said that i had become very "modern".He said that Divya also used to visit that cafe a lot,but he himself had never gone there.I again became suspicious about her.I thought "yet another one of my crushes has someone else in her life".I found it hard to deal with my trust bankrupt heart.

Later in the evening we made our way to the beach near grandma house.As we were about to go I heard my name called from behind.I turned back and.........