YELLAPPA SAMPANGI-THE MOST HONEST POLITICIAN

First of all, look at this face,such a innocent face,ah!!the folded hands-shows his determination for "JAN SEVA",so what if he has a few goondas backing him,so what if he transfers honest police officers out of his constituency,so what if his goons beat up teachers in schools for not having supported him during election,no one can question his devotion to money,oh!! sorry his constituency.He does it for "JANARA HITA DHRISHTI".

Everybody who has been watching news or reading the newspapers for the last two weeks will have surely come across this champion of Indian democracy named YELLAPPA SAMPANGI.
The sudden raid by the Lok Ayukta headed by an upper caste person while YELLAPPA SAMPANGI was helping a person named Farooque as any other of our honest politicians do was abominable.
This was yet another example of upper caste oppression or thats what his followers thought.The sudden raid not only raised flutters among the "honest" politicians but also resulted in Sampangi being admitted in 3 hospitals with multiple aches in head,stomach,back and several other places.He was so "hurt" by this act that he was not even able to attend the court due to this.Papaa!!


Was this needed?What did the Lok Ayukta gain from having raided a "honest"politician?Nothing.
What was his fault after all?He was caught accepting 5 lakhs as bribe.This accusation is completely baseless.What he was infact doing was taking the money to help fasten the solution to the problem of Farooque.He knew he would have to give money to the concerned police officers to drop the wrong case which was put up against Farooque.WAS IT WRONG?? I mean would any of us not do the same thing?When we are caught driving our vehicle without the helmet or license,when we do not pay the shopkeeper the VAT tax in order to save those few rupees which otherwise would have filled government coffers.

So what was wrong in Sampangi doing it.(BTW for people who would not given a look to the photo or the news item of the person above,he is BJP MLA from the reserved constituency of Kolar.)
Sampangi thought he was the champion of the dalits.It is politicians like him who have brought about prosperity to the supposed lower class people by championing causes like RESERVATION
in prestigious institutions like IITs and IIMs,alas there are not enough of them eligible for it.

He has taught the poor,uneducated people that they now need to stand up for their rights and the only way to do this is to build up their bodies,talk in a rude way,in short transform oneself to goondas and snatch what is rightfully theirs from the ruthless upwardly mobile people.
What a great "honest" politician!! Such people instead of being hailed , are lampooned in the media.

They ask "Did he not have a soul to accept the bribe,was he not under the people' oath?"
Who are these people to question the "honest" public servant?Ask the same questions to the youth of our nation,the so called modern,liberal youth who are more concerned about protecting their drinking,pubbing rights and championing alcohol as though it was the best thing to have happened to our INDIA SHINING,who dont bother to be responsible enough not to drive while drunk,who are only bothered about a minor rodent called MUTHALIK,why?? because he encroached upon their "SPACE".

So what if Kumaraswamy's son drinks and goes on a rampage in a hotel.So what??
Do any of us care a damn.Y.SAMPANGI is a honorary politician.He simple represents our society.For those people belonging to the middle class and upper classes who believe that they are safely cacooned from the wrath of the "SYSTEM".Wake up!!!For everyday you wont have "honest" politicians like Y.SAMPANGI saving the day for you.

PS: For people who read this blog,if you are honestly an Indian leave a comment here instead of passing it as just another blog.It will be treated as a signature.Who knows if we can make this a movement,we can root out "honest Bas#@#" like Y.SAMPANGI.Come on its time we take matters into our hands,else there wont be a country left to save!!

FEELINGS-IX

YEAR 2010

That day when i proposed to Priya i was so happy.It was like all the frustrations which i had in my life until then had vanished.For the first time i knew what it was to be in love with someone, with the other also reciprocating it.Even the way she looked at me seemed different from the next day.Life had changed.It also helped that the duration of our project was extended by another 6 months as our HR head was impressed by our work.At the corner of my mind though i was worried about Divya. How would she take the news of her husband having another woman in his life? I made sure it did not reflect in my exterior outlook because i did not want to lose this special relationship.

AUGUST 25th 2010:

My mother had told that Divya's parents had taken my current number.She had left for America as she had finally managed to obtain a visa.I became a bit apprehensive.I wanted to tell them that their daughter's life was not rosy as they had thought.It was no Phool only Kante.But i dint know what to do.Was i to tell her?She may take it in some other way considering the equation we had.The next month i did not hear from Divya.All the while i was feeling guilty. I had left my friend in the cold outside to fend for herself.Had she come to know of the truth?These feelings haunted me. Life with Priya was different.Visits to the park in the evening,watching the sunrise in the morning,candlelight dinners.It all seemed surreal to me,a neverending dream. Unfortunately Varun was feeling left out.

One day i recieved a phone call from an unknown number. The person on the other side of the line was sobbing.It was Divya!!!She was weeping furiously,hardly able to talk anything. I asked as to where she was.When i went to St.Agnes railway station she stood there helpless with her large suitcases.Her nose had turned red due to the cold,her eyes after what i could perceive as hours of crying.Her husband's place was 1 hour from mine.She hugged me and wept vehemently.I could feel her insecurity.She just asked me one question:
"You will not leave me now right?"I really felt very bad.

If I had told her before she came here,atleast she would have had her parents.In this alien land i had made her feel alone.I brought her to my apartment.I introduced Priya and Varun to Divya as my friends.After making Divya sleep in her room,Priya did not look amused.She asked as to why i had introduced like that.I then had to tell the history between us.I now know that between partners it is good to hide certain things for the sake of the relationship.I could sense a change in Priya's perception of Divya.

I wanted to bring Harish to book.We decided to complain to the Indian Embassy about this so that they could help Divya out. I was spending more time with Divya now. We used to regularly travel together to the Embassy in New York now which almost used to take a whole 2 days.We had decided that we would tell Divya's parents after a while as her parents might not take it well.One day all 4 of us went to shopping in a nearby mall to cheer up Divya. As she dint know that Priya and me were seeing each other she could not understand some of the sensitivites. Sample when we were picking a shirt for me Divya overruled a shirt that Priya had picked for her shirt.

That night Priya asked whether we could talk a while.Absence of communication always raises doubts.I had not been honest with either of them. Priya had felt that i still had feelings for Divya.My efforts to qualm her doubts proved to be a dead end.The embassy were generous to provide a counsel for Divya.The case was shifted later to a court in India.Divya could now go back there in March.

FEB 14th 2011

I was excited this day.The couple of months which had passed were bad for Priya's and my relationship.So i wanted to make this day a special one.As it was a Sunday we had a holiday. I had gone out that morning to make some bookings in a hotel for a romantic dinner.I had also bought a gift for her.When i returned in the afternoon the scene had changed. Priya was sitting on the couch visibly angry. Varun told that the girls had a fight after Priya saw a card which Divya had bought for me.Priya had told her about our relationship and ordered her to get out from the apartment.What had made Priya so insensitive to a fellow woman?What had bought about this transformation?

I now understand that it was her love for me,the feeling that i may leave her,this possessiveness is a trait in every human being.Boys have it more than girls sometimes.But that day i dint understand this.What was supposed to be a romantic day turned out to be a black day for me.I went out in search for Divya after mouthing expletives to Priya.I tried to call Divya's cell but she would not pick up.When she did she did not speak.After repeated calls she told that she was going to the airport which was a 4 hours drive.I now took a taxi and sped to the airport.It helped that the taxi driver was an Indian.

When i reached there i could not find her.Just then i saw her.She was sitting on the corner seats all alone.I went to her and we stood there looking at each other with a long pause.I told her to stay.She told that she had booked a ticket by the "speed ticket" offer and that she did not want to interfere in my life.She was hurt that i had not told her.She had also come to know that i had known of her husband's relationship which she felt showed my true feelings for her.My repeated badgering did not help.She said she had to go.As the announcement for her plane came she held my hand.So many things which we wanted to say before bidding goodbye drew blank.I had let her down again.That was the final straw in our relationship.

She left.By the time i returned to my apartment it was 2 in the morning.As i opened the door there was darkness everywhere.I checked to see if Varun was asleep as i wanted someone to talk to,to share my feelings.I knew only he could understand me now.As i opened the door i saw that Varun and Priya had slept.I was shocked out of my senses.I was so angry that i yelled leading to both of them getting up.

"How could you??!!" "How could you!!" i yelled repeatedly.Now i was cheated.On the same day i had lost two girls.And my friend Varun how could he do this!They tried to calm me down.They were attempting to give some explanations but i would have none of it.I was feeling so disgusted that I stormed out of the apartment.I cried so much that day.It was like the turbulent clouds had come visiting again.I had become emotionless.Sensing something very wrong in me my parents asked whether i wanted to return back.

In the next few days i had left my job and returned to India.I was feeling so lonely now.Not able to comprehend this cruel fate of mine i had gone into depression.After weeks of visits to the psychiatrist and then a job in another company i had finally come to terms with life.I had decided never to fall in love again.This mechanical life of mine continued until 4 years later my parents had found a wife for me in Suchitra.

JULY 23rd 2015
I remembered that i had to ask them as to why they had cheated me.Varun told that whenever Priya would feel insecure about Divya and me she had found an emotional support in him.As one thing led to the other that fateful day they had a lot of wine and whisky and in a moment of weakness they had done it.I could still not accept it.

But as i was returning to my home i felt an easy calmness.I did not have any baggage of the past now.For whatever reason they had done it,it was not intended to.

I had learnt something from all my brief "love"ly experiences.
If Sindhu had taught me to be more careful before making any move,Divya had taught me to be more courageous and honest,not to hide anything from someone you love,to stand up for one's love.Priya had taught me what love was actually,how to put it in perspective and how lack or miscommunication creates this unbridgeable gap between partners.

I decided to be completely honest about my past to my fiance.I went in the evening and told her everything and asked whether she still wanted to marry me.She looked in my eye and said "Yes".
Sometimes in life God deprives us of certain desires in order to make us truly enjoy something which we acquire later in life.I had to go through all the experiences to have a happily married life.I was "MEANT TO LOVE".
Now i understand.

AUGUST 10th 2015
My wife asked me what gift i would give her on our honeymoon.I said that i would write a blog on all my experiences until i met my true soulmate.So here it is i have opened my heart to you.It may not be Great BUT IT IS MINE!! I Jatin Bhagwat am happy.Hope you come up with your experiences too.And when you do dont forget to give me a link to it.
Cheers!!

FEELINGS-VIII

YEAR 2010

That night we both went into a popular hangout of New York,Nirvana.As we sat down in our place to have dinner,two drunken white men came to our table and started abusing us.Apparently they had lost their job in the company where they worked.They thought we Indians were responsible for this as jobs were being outsourced to Indian engineers.First we took it in good humor as we had heard of such experiences from other expats living there.Then they took it a notch higher and this statement "Son of a snake charmer and a prostitute" really angered me.We dint know that such racist mindset and ignorant people still lived in the 21st century.

We saw that other white men there were not coming to our rescue,so we thought of just leaving that place and go.As we were leaving one of the men brazenly pulled Priya's arm and tried to manhandle her.I tried to talk them into leaving her.They got annoyed and both guys started punching me hurling abuses all the while.I was no Rajnikanth,but still tried to fight them but after 30 seconds had blackened out.When i regained consciousness Priya was looking over me.
As my hair was falling over the wound near the eye,she carefully caressed it away.I felt i was in 9th heaven.

Apparently the manager in Nirvana had called 911 and the public had come to her rescue.(Which ever country may it be,people come to rescue of women but men are meant to be battered).I had got some minor concussions with a minor cut on the face.I was put up in a small clinic.Apparently in America it was like i had returned from war.The grave expressions with which the doctor was talking exemplified this.I now understood how americans give importance to each life,whereas in India people react after a major blast only if the death toll is more than 50,else they ask "oh only 10,not big blast then".

The policeman who had come there was more concerned about my background than the profile of the thugs.He was virtually justifying this act.The contrast between the first world and third world was now blurring in my eyes.The glamorous lights of "AMERICA!!" were not that bright any more.The "BIG AMERICAN DREAM" was busted.The lax attitude of the police officer was because i was a brown man.The seniors with whom we had come,came visiting.I was advised rest that day.The next day one of our senior asked us to join them to one of his friend's place.

On the way he was telling how brilliant his friend Harish Kamkelkar was.He said that they were colleagues before and now Harish had shifted to New York to manage the company's division there.We reached Harish's place in downtown Manhattan with the taxi driver looking at me suspiciously throughout the route as though i was going to bring the next highrise down.

The door opened and i was left stunned.It was Divya's husband.I had known his name was Harish but had not known his full name and all.I looked around to see if Divya was there.Harish had not recognized me.How was he to remember one face among a 1000 random faces who came to his wedding?He warmly hugged my senior Girish which highlighted how thick they were.He later called his wife Cathreen!! an american. I was shocked.Had he left Divya?.It had not been even 5 months since they had wed.Girish interrupted me to say that Harish would be rejoining the San Jose division.

Harish asked me something but i was not listening.Priya slightly nudged me that Harish was asking something.On our ride back home Girish said that Harish had married against his parents' wishes.I was puzzled.To remove my doubts i called up to my uncle home in Kumta from an ISD line.The conversation was petering along and i quietly brought up the issue of Divya.Uncle said that she had not yet got visa even after 2 attempts and she was again going to Chennai after a couple of days for this.She would be soon joining Harish!.He asked whether to give the phone to Divya which i politely declined,as i dint have the heart to talk to her.

I had only heard of how some NRI boys used to cheat girls from India specially the rural ones,but this had happened to my dearest friend,no love!.Divya was a sensitive girl whom i knew had built castles about her life and all.She was wronged by not getting to marry her real love,me!!,but i had chickened out and left her in the cold.Now this,this would really shatter her(for that matter any girl).As i was lost in my thoughts Priya asked me what was on my mind.

Our relationship had grown from hate to friendship.We both were now able to understand each other's thoughts even without speaking.It had matured but my mind was still lost on Divya.We returned to San Jose.Varun had joined us there.

16th July 2010:
Our company had organised a party as part of the 50th anniversary of the founding of our company.After dinner there was a ball.Couples were picked on lot for the dance.Priya and me had got different people as partners,but she surprisingly came up to my partner and asked whether they could switch partners.The hot(I mean really hot,i dint want to change ;)) white girl agreed.The dance was a different experience for me.I had changed a lot,from the boy who used to go weak in the guts department when around girls had now learned to live life.Priya had taught that it was okay to have a bit of fun in life.Her exuberance had rubbed off on me.Having never held a girl before,it was embarrassing initially but after a while it seemed right.

After the ball, drinks was served.Rubens literally put the drink in my mouth as he himself was in high spirits.I now drank after coming to America.It was like i had found unlimited freedom.A new alter ego had developed within me.Sitting outside in the lawn looking at the black spotted moon,Priya and me talked a dime to a dozen.I told her everything,even my two brushes with love and also what i had learned about Divya.

This brought to the fore the feminist within Priya.She started abusing Harish and how he should be sent to jail for ruining a girl's life.As she was speaking my respect for her grew.Over the past 5 months i had come to like her many characteristics.Her face shining with the moon in the background made me forget all other things in my mind.As my feelings of love churned out of control in my stomach "I LOVE YOU",i blurted out.Its amazing how certain things which you plan to tell in a certain way come out in the most unplanned of moments.

She looked at me as though a candle was lit in her heart too.But she just walked away slowly from there.I was saddened.Had i lost her?As i was contemplating these various doubts she just turned back and ran towards me.We kissed!!(The second planned thing which just happened).It was so pure and seemed so right.She said that she had planned this run after a famous Spanish movie!!(Whoever said movies do not influence people!!)
I was so happy that day that i dint know what hit me after it...

JULY 23rd 2015:
As i opened the album..."Jatin!!" came a scream.As i looked up it was.... PRIYA.They were now married.I dint know how to react.The girl whom i had proposed to first was now married to my best friend.Memories of how i had come to hate Varun flashed.But now the hate was no longer there.I had come to terms with reality.I dint want to live with the bad memories forever.I decided i had to get on with my life.As i was leaving from there,i remembered something and.....

FEELINGS VII

YEAR 2010:

Initially we felt very embarrassed to share the same apartment.It was new to both of us though in some way she was more accepting of it than me.Since the mansion was spacious with 2 bedrooms and bathrooms we dint get in the way of each other.Our mutual hatred had not lessened as we dint have to interact much.

On the night of 16th March she received a Skype call from her home in Bangalore.She had gone out to buy some groceries(yes we used to cook only for ourselves).As i could not bear to hear the repeated ping sounds from her laptop i decided to mute the volume.On the screen was a message from her father that her grandmother had died.I dint know how to react.I just went back to my room.

Just then the door unlocked and she went straight to her laptop.I was thinking in my mind that she would breakdown and i would have to step in to console her and all,which i did not want to get into.As i was seeing her from the corner of my room,she calmly took her just bought groceries,kept some vegetables in the fridge and went about her cooking after having read the message in her computer.(There was a contrast in our cooking timings as well.She was the more organized as she used to cook the dishes for night in the morning before leaving to office but i used to come back and cook.)I thought to myself "how heartless this girl is?,her grandmother has died and she doesnt even shed a tear!!".

That night as i lay on my bed i heard some noises from the drawing room.As i switched on the lamp i saw her weeping copiously with her legs crouched on the floor.I could not help but console her as i had a weakness for tears specially if it was girls.I realised that day she was like coconut,tough exterior with soft inside.I was happy that i had acted magnanimous and made her realise that i was a good guy.But the next day was the same like any other.Limited talk.

One day it was tough going for me in office.I had to give a demo of the code i had written but i was not getting it right.I requested the firangis and some other Indians there as well,but all were either busy or appearing so.I dint ask Priya although she was just in the next cubicle as I thought it would hurt my ego.By evening i had alleviated the big problem to a small one but without it,the whole program was not running.

Just then our associate head came for our demos.Out of the blue Priya came to my help.I dint know when she had cracked what the problem was,but she had been watching me.I did the necessary corrections and by the time Alec came the demo was up and running.I thanked her that night in the apartment.Atleast i wanted to be different than her when someone helps.

On another day i had work till late night.As the thought of having to go to the apartment,cook and then eat,i knew that i had to go hungry to bed as all the hotels nearby were non-vegetarian food and no Indian hotels were in the vicinity.I dint want to eat some place else and spoil my stomach for the rest of the week as it had happened in the first week of our joining.As i reached my apartment late night i went through the fridge to see if there was some leftovers.I suddenly noticed some plates with food kept on the table with a note.

"Learn to wake up more early and cook food in the morning itself,this is only for
today".
Although it was caustically written,i felt good that she atleast cared.

July 4th 2010:

It was American Independence day and a holiday.As it was followed up by the weekend it was like an extended holiday.Some Indians whom we had befriended in the company offered us to come along with them to New York to spend the weekend.We happily agreed.Priya had seen New York before when she had come along with her parents for one of her relatives wedding.We lodged ourselves in a hotel,one room for each.

In the evening Priya asked whether i would come along with her to see the nightlife of New York.I agreed and we both first went to Madison Square Garden.The place left me stunned.There were many competitions going on near the nearby Planet Hollywood mall.There was a competition where if we won we could select from any one of Louis Bagge T-shirt,Lee jeans,Sketches Brown shoes or a Verlitto heels.Priya tried first but failed at it.I saw that she badly wanted the heels.I decided to try my hand and by pure piece of luck i was able to win it.The host asked as to what i wanted?

I dint know what i was thinking when i blurted out Verlitto ...heel...heels."Oh the nice man wants the heels for his girlfriend!" announced the host in such an emphatic tone as though he had won it and called us both to the stage and made me give the heels to her taking a snap meanwhile.After we came out i was still in contemplative mind as to what i had just done.I dint want to even come close to fall in love again as i had failed when i tried.

She just asked me for a minute and went inside a store.Half an hour later(I was livid at her timings -one minute is not half an hour,even in India!!,but women;) cant help) she came out with a Shirt and handed it to me and said.

"Wear this,atleast you will not look boring!".As we walked back to the hotel i was mulling over the various reasons for which she bought a Shirt for me as soon as i had won her the heels.
1)She did not want to keep any 'ehsaan'.
2)As we had become friends she might have thought it has a return gesture for my benevolence.
3)She seriously thought i looked crappy which made me more worried.
4)She liked me? now that option was a doubt.

In the night i checked into one of the internet cafes to see my emails.A new mail had arrived and it also said that (one male;)) Varun would be joining us San Jose to work in our vertical.

JULY 23rd 2015

I turned back and it was Varun!.Floods of memories of our friendship flashed through my mind and we tightly embraced each other(like in Dil Chahta Hai) and kiddishly wept as well.I had missed my friend all these 4 years and did not want to further.We talked a lot.He was married also but he told that he dint have the heart to call me as he thought i would spurn him away.His wife had gone out.As he was making tea in his kitchen for us i saw that his marriage album was lying about on the side table.As i opened it.....

FEELINGS VI

As i was writing the addresses to whom the invites had to be sent, the first name that came to mind was of Varun Ravindranath. It had been 4 years since we had talked.He was my best bud in company but then an event occurred which changed all 3 of our lives-Priya's,his and mine.

1st January 2010:
It had been 5 months since i had joined the company.I had made a few friends among whom Varun had become really close.He was a complex character.His motto in life was to work hard and party even harder.Having various interests such as lawn tennis,puzzle solving and rest,he was a dynamic character.Being a pub freak he scored over many girls.All the bouncers and bartenders knew him by his name.The bugger used to go and work in the night on his computer so that he was ready for tomorrow's tasks in an half drunken state(God knows how he did that).

There was 7 members in our team and majority among them were party animals.The conservative being Stuthi and me.Varun had compelled me to join them while going to Parkinson's or Blue Sprinkle but i used to get away with one reason always-that i had to go back to my home to waiting parents and he to a sloppily kept room and (if he got lucky a beautiful damsel from a party).So one day he did finally get me to go to Blue Sprinkle.As my parents had gone on a tour to Munnar,i relented.Priya and other girl's gang had also joined us which i was a little uncomfortable with.

I used to call Priya as Seth as i was cynical about her showing off her 'Bade Baap ki Beti' attitude.
Since i had never visited a pub before in my life,i had all kinds of negative preconceptions about the concept called pub and the people visiting it(specially the girls).The images of doped and wasted boys and girls conjured up a evil notion about all things 'pub'.In front of the pub door-the bouncer said it was a couple's only night.Varun tried hard to influence the bouncer but that night even the bouncer was not party to any favours being doled out.

But as Varun was so insistent on me going into a pub atleast once,he requested Rammy(Rahul because he had rammed his car into other cars umpteen times while parking)to make way for me as there were only 3 girls and 4 boys.Rammy being Rammy agreed(such an angel).Priya and me entered as a pair.I could feel Varun laughing his lungs out seeing my palpable nervousness and uncomfortableness.

Although thick,I had never told Varun about my previous brushes with love.For him i was just an average Joe from an orthodox family with strong traditional ethos.His parents were divorced and i could understand his sarcasm about everything 'commitment'.

Inside the pub i was surprised to see Priya not boozing.Varun told that she never used to booze but used to only accompany her friends as her mother was very strict about it.That friday night news about a pub attack in mangalore by some hoodlums on young girls was all over the news.I could feel a palpable sense of agreement on most male chauvinists who want girls or women to be limited in their freedom.I sadly was one of them at that time.

The next day there was a small event in our company as an extension of the new year celebrations.Surprisingly our manager had organized a debate that day.The topic:Are pubs anti-indian.Chits were picked.Priya and me were the ones picked.We were given 2 minutes to prepare.I picked 'for' the topic.

Me:Pubs are anti-indian.It was a never part of our culture.It is that part of corrupt western culture which we have inherited.Boys and girls are in an inebriated state and anything can happen to susceptible girls there.

Priya:i can only laugh at the narrow viewpoint of my friend here.Shows how much of a male chauvinist he is.(Moderator interrupts:no personal abuse please!).Sorry!but in my opinion if boys are the erring party then stop boys from going to pubs,why always target girls and oppress them.

Me:See let them ban pubs itself.Lot of unethical things go on there.My big problem is underage kids enter such places and spend money which is their father's hard earned money.

This led to a series of caustic remarks against each other and lot of bad blood.As i was a non-smoker i asked one of my colleagues from smoking as there was a law against it now even in office spaces.Priya pitched in to defend that guy asking as to why i had a problem with everything.I reprimanded her for not following rules ever,"antisocial bitch".She screamed a lot and let loose a host of expletives.

Now with this obvious hatred for each other,we were flustered when we were picked together for an onsite project to San Jose,California for a period of 6 months.

19th March 2010:McClellan-Palomar airport,California:
The Air-India plane landed at the airport and Rubens Peters our associate head had come to pick us.He was surprised that the India office had sent people with 10 months experience.We told that as we were working on the same vertical we were sent.He then rode us to the office guest house which he warned was only for a period of one week after which we had to look for our own rooms.As we did not have any of our relatives close by to the San Jose city we had to look for our rooms.Having just joined the company we wanted to save as many as dollars as possible.I was surprised that Priya was very independent minded as she did not want to ask her Dad for anything.

Though belonging to a upper middle class government officer family she used to save up any money given by her relatives so that she could buy her own things.This was the first time our mentalities matched atleast a little.After asking the cab driver for help we realised that rents in that area are very high and would not come within our budgets.The cab driver suggested that we should share a room. I told him we are indians and not americans.But at the end of a week after a lot of searching and contemplation we came to a conclusion that we had to share a room.We got a two-bedroom apartment in Elvin Road with the help of Ruben.

July 23rd 2015:TODAY
I decided that i have to bury the hatchet and went to Varun's house since i had got to know where he stayed from one of our common friends.I rang the bell but no one answered for about 10 minutes.After having waited long i decided to leave and send the invite by post.As i was about to get into my car,"Jatin!!!".I turned back and....

FEELINGS V

It was Bhatta. He had a puzzled look on his face. Divya emerged out from inside. Rain had by then reduced to a drizzle. She dint look at me nor Bhatta and hurried away from there. This probably increased the doubt in Bhatta's mind. He looked around if there was someone else watching. He gave a sigh of relief. With anger in his eye he questioned as to why we had took shelter in this room rather than take cover under trees. "we would have got drenched man,besides there was the danger of coconuts falling on us, look at the breeze".

"I trust you as a friend Jatin,but seeing how Divya went.....".

"Nothing happened,i would not take advantage of any girl,let alone her"

"You are a city boy,i have seen how u people live there,you are very modern people man,but here in village still we have certain values left man,besides you know how it is in villages,each person likes spicy news about others,wants to defame others and they take pride in doing that"

"If they had seen you both coming out,you know how they would be stories going on about u people,our's and your family reputation would have been ruined forever man".

I was sorry for causing anxiety in my two dearest friends.The way Divya had gone from there i was sure i had lost all the trust.The next day i got a chance to redeem myself.Her mom had asked me to go along with her to buy some groceries for a function in their house as Bhatta had to go to temple to conduct the poojas for the day.The tradition there was that the temple ceremonies had to be conducted in round robin fashion by the delegated few families.

In the bus we dint talk only.There was a certain awkwardness.Our hands touched accidently on the seat handles,and there was an immediate withdrawal from her.I could see how sensitive she had become.I wanted to talk about what had happened but dint know how to start. Surprisingly she broke the ice and talked about the function rather than what mattered.There was a deliberate avoidance of that topic whenever i tried to bring it up.While returning back i forced her to get down one stop behind so that we could get a chance to walk the talk.
"Look we need to talk about it,we cant avoid it...I am sorry,the moment was crazy ok and we both got carried away,it had never happened to me before.I know now the equation between us has got complicated"

"equation?"she quipped.
"sorry influence of watching lot of english tv shows". She used to talk very less and most of the conversation was initiated by me.I wanted to tell my hearts "feelings" to her.So i requested her to come and meet me at the backside of the temple day after the function.That was my big fault.I should have told her that i liked her then."Seized the moment" as one of the protagonist says in my favourite FRIENDS show.

FUNCTION:many guests had come to her house.I gave the Bhatta household all the help i could.I returned to my grandma house early.In the night Bhatta's father came visiting.He seemed very happy.He told my grandmother that a very good relation had come for Divya."The boy has settled abroad.His parents were in Bangalore "and various other details which i was not interested in.Grandma was asking other details and reveling in the happiness of her guest unaware of the storm brewing in her grandson's heart.I felt clueless.Was i to commit?what consequences will it have?how will i handle the colourful stories churned out by the gossip hungry villagers?my parents?her parents?oh i would become mad!!

I could not sleep that night The next day was spent contemplating my next move.Bhatta came in the afternoon and asked if we could talk a little away from other's glare.He hugged me and said that he was happy that i had so sensitively handled the situation that evening.He was so happy that he was getting a stud as his brother-in-law.Not able to handle the situation i acted cowardly.I immediately decided to go back to Bangalore and climbed the bus in the night.I din't have the courage to meet Divya in the night.

I fought this decision of mine with my conscience.How could i have stranded her?Sindu had cheated me,i had cheated Divya.Was it justification for me being wronged?.Although she had not talked much,i had seen the love for me in her eyes.Her actions indicated that.This doubt was confirmed when i went to her marriage 3 months later.

"I was waiting at Tulsi katte till 10p.m"she said when i was giving the gift to her.I saw in her eyes the hope that still something could happen.What she dint know was how escapist my mind was.

"Congratulations for your wedding and have a good life",i asserted as though i was some elderly person.These were the last words to her.Bhatta handed me a diary of hers on my way out.
"Keep it with you",he quipped with a sad look in his face.

When i went home and opened the diary,what was written in it choked me to tears.It gave an insight to her innermost feelings.She used to talk less but more than made it up in her diary.It had the details on her life till then.I saw how special i had become in her life.She was waiting for me to move forward.I just shut the diary with disgust and with it all the feelings i had for her.She was married and I had to respect that.This was no hindi movie for a happy ending all the time even in bizarre circumstances.

I thought then that i could never fall in love.First i did not want to,and now destiny did not want me to.Maybe i was born to become a good mama to all of my friend's children-"Uncle!!".I hated love songs on TV.Hated to see a couple so much in love and getting a chance to cherish it together.You can say i deliberately acted Devdas but the difference was that workahol had replaced alcohol.

This season of depression continued until one day i met Priya Seth!
in office.
She was a motormouth.Our thinking and personalities were like chalk and cheese.But as they say opposites attract.

We met on 31st december 2009,New Year's party in office:
She was recently shifted to our vertical to work on an image processing DiCom project.She was in the same team as me.Our team members were divided on pseudo modern and modern lifestyles.
She was the embodiment of everything i had hated in girls,or so i thought.I was bit of a chauvinist back then.

July 23rd 2015:TODAY
As i am writing this story, the invitation card of my wedding is being readied-"Jatin weds ...." is written in gold letters.Some memories flash through my mind.One of them caught my attention.I tried to remember it properly and....

FEELINGS-IV

It was my grandma.She requested us to go the temple and deliver some bags to my uncle who was a priest there.So Bhatta and me made our way up the 1001 algae laden steps to the temple on the hill top.I had almost forgotten the beauty that pervaded this place.All along the hills were neem and gulmohar trees intermittently covered with coconut trees.The dew on the leaves was still present even though it was approaching dusk.The green colour lay very symbolically before us and occupied the entire space as far as our radius of sight sent.When we reached the temple all the elements of nature were laid down as a feast for our eyes.On the left lay the arabian sea,on the right lay the mountains.

It was a huge difference for a guy from the 'oh-so' polluted city.As we were entering the main temple Divya was making her way out.Bhatta told that she used to come daily at this time.In that surrounding she looked like a Goddess.The white garland on her long locks,the carefully worn dress,the kumkum on her forehead,all created quite a stir in my mind.The bad memories of my previous experience were slowly being erased.She just smiled and went away.I wanted to talk with her,but her apparent indifference and Bhatta proved quite a hindrance.As she moved down the sound made by her sandals seemed like music."Was i losing myself in the maze called love again?".I dint know.

The next day while talking to my granny i was proudly telling her how i had gotten myself involved in social work.I also told her how i had toiled hard during my holidays to prevent a local corrupt corporator from winning back during the BBMP elections by distributing pamphlets and all.Grandma said that Divya also was like me.She was leading a campaign to fight the corrupt DC as he was not sanctioning the amount from the NREGS(for the unknowledged it is-National Rural Employement Guarantee Scheme) to the local youth which they were rightfully entitled to.

To be frank,i did not think much of the intellectual capital of village girls, only thinking of them as obliging belles.I dint know frail and pretty looking Divya was so strongly opinionated.Grandma told that Divya was going to "INTERETTU"(in her own village tone,so funny but yet so different )to collect knowledge on this and send some petitions to some "DODDA SAYABRU"(big person).I felt relieved. All the lurking doubts disappeared from my minds.I felt fascinated by the multiple layers of personality in this girl.

So the next day in the evening i left Grandma home early(so that i could lose pesty Bhatta) to catch up with Divya in the temple.When i reached there she had not yet come.She did finally come.I acted as though i was unaware of her presence.Praying in total bhakti and putting kumkum on my forehead(such a religious boy nah!!;)).Our eyes met,her 20 watt smile blinded my eye for a moment,atleast it seemed so(all srk movies effect).We talked that day.So much that it seemed we had never really lost touch at all.

This continued for a couple of days.One day grandma sent me on a chore to the town.I longed to see Divya that day but had to wait till evening.In the evening Bhatta,Divya and me decided to go to the beach.We made our way to the thatched room we had built as kids near to the beach.I was overjoyed to see it still standing.Of the three i felt very close to this one.Bhatta told that i should thank Divya for this,as she had taken care of it all these years.She used to tell him that Jatin is very affectionate about this.I felt good inside."She did all this for me!!WOW!!".

We ventured out to the waters.Played a lot.As it was prime raining season that time there was a slight drizzle.The weather was very romantic but BHATTAAA. Fortunately Bhatta was called by the local coconut tree climber for some work.We two were left alone but now strangely both felt a tinge of shyness,a little odd,cant really describe what.

It started raining heavily(you have to really experience the coastal rain)and we could somehow run fast and find shelter in the thatched room.Both of us sat at a distance.The rain was unrelenting and slowly our conversation veered towards what Bhatta had told about her maintaining this room.The talk started having a romantic and a flirtatious tone.The distance reduced between us.At this age our minds do waver.Raindrops trickled down our faces.There was definite sexual tension as the soft talk proceeded.Now our faces were near and our lips more.In a moment of weakness we were about to kiss when i heard Bhatta call my name from outside.

There was a long pause,we had frozen.Not able to comprehend what had just happened ,we sat in a stoned silence.I could not react,what to tell,what to say.She sat there almost on the verge of crying.Although nothing had happened i was able to understand the importance girls give to such things."JATINN!!!" .I was blasted into my senses. I came out and.....

FEELINGS-III

It was her.She had seen me at the door and subsequently my attempt to disappear.She came to the door and asked as to why i was leaving.I started mumbling some reason but i guess she knew.She might have understood me through our various conversations but this was to be the first face to face.I dint know it was also going to be the last.She introduced me to her fiance.He was working in a top MNC and her parents had arranged their 'milana'.

The meeting was very awkward for me especially because none of us knew why I was actually there.Sindhu dint know i was about to reveal my feelings,He dint know who i was and I was never sure anyway.The whole conversation petered around how they were introduced to each other and the romantic ballads he had written for her.

I wanted to get up and go as i was kicking myself for having made a fool myself.I dint know why she had agreed to meet up if she was busy with someone else.Why had she written that letter?So many questions but no one to answer.

After our 'rendezvous' with each other we all left to our rooms/homes.I watched them take off on their costly bike.I felt letdown by her.It only confirmed my notion that all girls were cosmetic.
She later pinged me on gtalk but i was in no mood to respond.

I felt cheated.I had always romanticised the movie scenes where the hero walks away dejected with his heart broken but never knew it hurts. I dint go online for some days after this.When i went online eventually i received some chat which was sent when i was offline.It was from her and wanted to talk.I sent back a mail saying "No,thank you!".I dint know why i was so rattled then that i sent a crude reply back.I came to regret this decision later in my life.Not then.Then i was just angry.Immature to handle it.My experience with a 'girl' had made me suspicious about their breed ,enough to make me cynical about everything love.

The entire semester passed and it was time to leave college.Hugs and tears on the last day as well as many goodbyes.I would not be able to meet some of my best friends regularly everyday.I would miss everything-the classroom,the daily chai at the bakery,the yampa gossips,pranks played on teachers.I had watched a movie on life in engineering,at the end of which the protagonist says it is going to be the beginning of days of responsibility.

I was nervous on how i would be able to handle it.The gap between the last day and my joining date in the company i was placed was a month and a half.During this time i felt very alone.Friends were busy in their own world and no one to share my innermost feelings.I decided that i would go to my native Kumta a remote village in the coastal area of Karnataka.The last time i had gone there was when i was in 6th standard.So wanted to see the change that had happened there and also to digress from my present mood.

23rd June:
After getting down from the bus in the morning i took an auto to my grandma' place.All through the route i was soaking in the fresh,unpolluted air,the amount of generosity Mother Nature had bestowed upon this village had entralled me before and still to this day continued.Nothing much had changed since the last time i was here.There were some notable ones though:a cable dish on most of the homes and boundary walls earlier made of thorns and cactus were now being replaced by concretized walls.

This was the change that i could perceive from outside.After i got to my grandma house I was amazed to see the change that had taken place there.Floors were now tiled,walls cemented and many other changes.After the customary grandma-grandson talk,I decided to walk around the vast acres of the estate.Green leaves,clear water,pure air-all the ingredients to forget our troubles and tribulations was there.

In the evening a girl came visiting to the house.My grandma asked whether i could identify her.I could not recollect who she was.Grandma told that she was Divya.This brought a rush of memories back to me.We used to play when we were little children.I used to call her 'soda batli' because she used to wear spectacles then.

Now she had changed so much that i could not recognize her.After a very shy sharing of complimentaries she proceeded to give a tin of butter she had brought.And immediately left.We had a lot to talk,lot of catching up to do,so the next day i went to her house.

Our families were very close friends.She had a brother whom we all used to lovingly call Bhatta. We both had troubled grandma a lot and played many other pranks whenever i used to go to my village.Divya was not there.After having to forcefully eat a lot of sweets given by doting aunty Bhatta offered to take me around.While going out Divya was just coming back to the house.I wanted to stay back but knowing Bhatta i dared not to refuse.

After sharing a brief glance with each other,I was taken to the village market.I saw an internet cafe on the way. I decided to check my mails as the joining date was nearing.Bhatta shouted in excitement whenever an ad or popup featuring an attractive girl wearing minimal clothing came up on the screen.I had to hush him down.He seemed very dazzled with the speed with which i wrote mails,sent as well as read some.He later said that i had become very "modern".He said that Divya also used to visit that cafe a lot,but he himself had never gone there.I again became suspicious about her.I thought "yet another one of my crushes has someone else in her life".I found it hard to deal with my trust bankrupt heart.

Later in the evening we made our way to the beach near grandma house.As we were about to go I heard my name called from behind.I turned back and.........

FEELINGS-II

And it was not who i had hoped it was."Jatya" yelled my roomie Raghu."Where are you going?".
"Oh! i forgot i had messaged you to pick me maga".His reply to this was the usual terse "K".As i hopped on to the back seat of my Star sport bike,i hoped to get one glimpse of her.Along the route i tried to rewind our meeting in the train and thought about the various alternatives that could have happened.

We had to stop at a traffic signal and an auto also was halted next to us.From what i could make out its occupant was a girl and she was wearing a dress that appeared to be the same that Sindhu was wearing.I was not able to see the face but was hoping it was her.I asked Raghu to move the bike a little forward.After getting the answer for his query as to why he had to do it,he eventually moved a bit front,but by that time the signal turned green and i lost sight of the auto in that traffic mellee.

Reaching my room,i immediately sat in front of the PC and logged into orkut and tried to trace her through other friends who had studied with me.I finally found one of her close friend's account but to my disappointment Sindhu was not in her list of friends.Then i tried to search for her in our college community account.There was one Sindhu but her profile read "female,committed,mysuru/bengaluru". I felt hollow inside.Then clicked on her album pics which confirmed my doubt.

It was "HER".I had never felt this sort of emptiness inside me.Depressed i sat on the cement parapet outside.There was a feeling of betrayal.But then i realised she was never mine,because we had never tried,No i had never tried.Then there was a sense of mocked scorn on what i had reduced myself to.I was and wanted to be different than an ordinary lovestuck teenager desperate to show that even he was a part of this supposedly modern gennext,flaunting gfs and boyfriends.But i was bordering on being sadistic.Everything was bad and everyone even more.

I promised to myself that from that day i would not digress from my main goal of becoming a "big" person,but however much i tried to make my mind resolute that day,her face was still haunting the inner corners of my heart.The next morning there was a surprise-
my orkut account had recieved one scrap.It was her's.The scrap read-"Why dint you leave a scrap when you took the effort to find me here?".

Gosh!! how had she found out.I saw my settings and the profile visits option was not hidden.All the resolution i had made the day before fizzled out.I was very happy,no elated.I replied and this set off a series of conversations over the next few months ranging from movies to placement(ya we need to worry about our bread too!!) to rest.Everytime while coming to the end of a conversation i came very close to say the three words which so far was banned in my dictionary of ambition.But i was apprehensive about the consequences.

February 14th-Valentine's Day
It was the day of love and this loomed large on my thoughts."Should i tell it today?","No,it might all lead upto something which i cannot manage,was i even capable to handle such mature things?".These two diverse thoughts inside baffled the hell out of my head.I had never faced such a situation before.Every year when the college crowd would wear the customary red or white in accordance to the tradition i made sure i looked different by wearing black or some other boring colour.

But this year it was different,I wanted to be like the rest,feel the same feelings as others.I dint want to inhibit myself from sensing the romance.I called up Sindhu(ya i had got her no by then)and requested her to come to Cafe Coffee day in K.D.Road.At first she was reluctant but probably sensing my fervent tone she agreed.

I bought my first rose and wanted to tell her all my feelings unequivocally.I had not spent so much time in front of the mirror,taking care that powder was applied correctly and uniformly(more on beauty tips later!!).Then something hit me which hadnt in the past so many days."Committed" word in her profile.What did it mean?Was she seeing someone else or has her marriage been fixed?But i put that behind me.Now was not the time for it.


As i entered Coffee Day she was sitting there in a lovely red dress but with someone else.The rose fell from my hand.I was going back when i heard my name called from behind.I turned back and..................

FEELINGS!!

It was monday,16th july
4:00 a.m : The alarm of my mobile sang "Lakshya" title track.I tried to put it on snooze but it again awoke me 9 minutes later.Cursing i got up.This was a weekly routine for me since i had joined engineering in Mysore with my native being Bangalore.I had to get up at this time on every monday morning to catch the 5.45 or the 6.30 train to Mysore.Well getting back to where we were.Right i got up,freshened up with the customary teeth brushing and bath.Having clothed up i was about to leave my home when my mother told me to wear my sweater.I tried to argue that it would not look cool on me but,warming up to prevent the early morning cold took precedence over looks.

After a minor squabble with the bus conductor to drop me off at the stop nearer to the back gate of the railway station than the farther main bus stand i ran to the ticket counter only to find the queue like a serpentine.

Having got the ticket for the 5.45 train i jostled with the rest of the commuters to find a place to sit.I sometimes wonder as to how large our population is.As i was lost in some of my thoughts a fat(I mean very very fat),grumpy middle aged woman came and sat next to me almost squeezing me to the window side.She had brought along what looked like 7 of her children."Gosh!! how did they find the time to have so many,considering all looked the same age?"

Not able to take the rucus the children were creating,I was about to get up and go from there to find myself a more solitary place.As i was about to do so,I was blocked by a girl who was making her way to the seat opposite to mine next to the window in a tearing hurry.Having asked the aunty to look after my place just in case i dont get any other i started looking around the boggie but was met with disappointment.Dejected i came back knowing fully well that my morning sleep had gone for a toss.

As i made myself comfortable in the seat i realised that the girl sitting opposite to me was my classmate in PUC. She was one of those girls whom i felt i had a crush on in the long list of this "had been teenager's diary".But her name? i had forgotten.How could i?Then i remembered it started with 'S'.Sindhu or Spandana.The choice came down to these two names.While i was trying to remember what her name is,i realised even she had not remembered me.In the corner of my heart i felt sad for this state.She was in the same batch as mine for Biology and physics and same class in which i was one of the toppers!(Ya i am proud of that,so dont scorn).

Just then "Sindu Prasad",ya i remembered thats what the name was.I wanted to strike up a conversation with her but dint have the confidence to cause we had not had any when in college except this one time in physics lab when she had asked as to where the HCl acid was kept!!.
But to tell you the truth we used to have these repetitive glances at each other when in class.I dint know what was it then,still dont know what is it,but it felt kinda good looking at her eyes from a distance of two rows.For the one time we had talked ,my friends had teased the head out of me telling that it was love,so much so that for a moment even i had begun to think like it.I am sure it was the same with her friends cause they used to giggle and murmur whenever i passed through the corridors or other places near them.This eye watching continued for a long time.It felt as though we knew a lot about each other even though we had not spoken a word."What was that ,that drew us to look at each other and make eye contact every single time,every single class,every single day?"

Cut to last day of college,I was restless to speak to her after the last exam because i wanted to make sense out of what i was feeling.I was pretty sure it was not love but just a mere infatuation but wanted her help for clarity of thought.After i finished the exam i went and sat out near the outer wall of the college campus looking for the time when she would come out.

She did.She was wearing a beautiful pink dress that day.As i got down from the wall to go where she was standing with her friends i was tapped on my shoulder by Vikram(my best bud in college) and we started our usual boy talk.Still i was looking behind to check whether she was still there.I was not able to take my eyes off her.I decided that i would go and talk to her that very moment.

As i proceeded towards her my chemistry teacher interrupted me in my path asking as to how i had done(the negative effects of being a topper)in the exam. When i turned back to look where Sindhu was,she had already gone.I ran towards the 15th cross bus stop which both of us used to frequent.She was climbing her usual bus home.She sat down in the window seat and looked towards me.I wanted to speak but words went into deep freeze.

But i still dint get the courage to talk?what if she looked down on it,even those beautiful moments which i had with her(just eye to eye contact that is) would be soured by this.I decided to leave it there.Maybe it was just meant to a sweet breeze that blew through me.Her bus started and that was what i had thought then our last "eye contact".

And we are back to the train
She was reading some magazine zealously.I wanted her to notice me.So when the tea vendor came around i screamed out aloud for one "chaiyya"(that was how it is called out by our dear train tea vendors).She still wouldnt lift her head although the fat aunty gave me a dirty look as though she was disturbed by the yelling.I was disappointed.I soon realised that she had grown to be a more beautiful girl than what she was in college and me,well the topic is about her-so lets stick to it.

Then came the maddur vada vendor,i ordered 2 ,ate all of them.How i wish i could have shared one with her.But why did i feel so?Can it be love?Nah!!love has a time and that is after age of 26,not now,this is time for studies and friends.We were not mature to make such mature decisions.;).Are these not the things drilled into our heads by parents?

After a while she lifted her head and we made the eye contact i was missing for the past three years.She smiled and i returned it.All the things that i had planned to talk to her were not coming out of my vocal chords.She then asked me as to how i was.We soon striked up a conversation but made sure it avoided the famous eye talks of ours.
The talk was so general that after a time the enthusiasm fizzled out.The mutual admiration society continued but still the conversation was not in the zone i wanted.We went on talk about our future plans after engineering.I said that i was preparing for cat while she was interested in gate.She hated management it seems,while i loved nothing else.Quite a good way to start i thought.

We talked so much during those two hours that it seemed like a lifetime.I felt like asking as to why she used to stare at me during college and why her friends used to giggle(LORD!! i hate that quality of girls,that silly giggling)at me,so many questions but no courage to ask them.She then starting writing something in her notepad.I thought it was some college work of hers,so dint go to disturb her.
After 10 minutes of silence she broke the ice again asking as to how was vikram and my other friends whom she knew.I thought "why did she want to know about all of them when i am here?.Was i just another guy from college for her?,Then what was all that eye contact about",darn i wish i knew all the answers.

Just then the train halted at Mysore station.Time to say goodbye.I had not even asked her mobile number during the entire trip,so dint deem it fit to ask her now.She bid me goodbye and went away from there.I saw that she had left her magazine.As i took the magazine in my hand a piece of paper fell out of it.Curious to read it,i opened it(mind you i had gotten down from the train).The letter read

"Dear Jatin,
I know you desperately wanted to ask whether there was anything between us,why chaitra and the gang used to giggle when you were in our vicinity etc.It was because they knew how much i liked you and you not understanding it.Also i knew you felt insecure when i asked about your other friends in the same manner as yours.It was to only to keep the conversation going.I havent forgotten the small beautiful moments we had together and i know you havent too.We had a future i thought in my dreams,but....forget"

Wow!! i thought a girl mustering up so much courage to write a letter like this and me a damn fool still mulling over the possible consequences of me wooing her.As a flood of memories filled my mind,i soon realised i couldnt do anything about it,neither did i know where she stayed in mysore,the college she was doing her engineering nor her phone no.I ran towards the entrance of the railway station to check whether she was still there.I could'nt find her in all that rush.I was dejected.I thought it was the last time we had seen each other.I wanted to store these memories in a beautiful compartment in my conscious.Maybe we were just 'meant to love' not commit i thought.

Picking up my luggage,i made my way to the prepaid auto stand.As i was climbing onto the rickshaw i felt someone call my name behind.I turned back and...............................

My Thoughts!!

I was watching NDTV at 11:00p.m on the night when terror not only struck Mumbai but also the the hearts of every Indian.Initially what appeared as just another gangwar later came to be known as what is today referred to as India's 9/11. Looking at the gory site of blood and torture everywhere,I felt a sense of anguish,anger and all other sentiments which my brethren in Mumbai and everywhere else are sensing.There was and still is justifiable anger towards the establishment.The lackadaisical nature of the people whom we voted to serve us who seemed to be sleepwalking through the various alerts issued by various security agencies was appalling.

I wondered as to how many more lives will have to be sacrificed to these religious zealots before our netas woke up from their deep slumber.I knew it had to be this time.The public is seething with anger.The very people who had the patience to wait for hours before a politician's cavalcade zipped through the busy traffic were now willing to even take their lives in public.The rancour was palpable and to a large extent justified.

But i said to myself "Hang on! do the politicians not behave as we allow them to","Do they not represent the nature of the prevalent society.Our country has debased itself by wholeheartedly sinking into the low ambits of corruption.Right from the jhaduwala to the bureaucrat,right from the suave IT Engineer to the richest businessmen,we all are neck deep in a corrupt society we have nurtured and developed from an infant terrible to demonic proportions.We are the first to flout rules at our will and this has resulted in a cascade of events which has resulted in this anarchy.We do not have a sense of belonging to our own motherland.We spit,urinate and do all the other things in roadside corners,we throw garbage in front of other's homes and are the first one to cry out when we face the same.

Added to this brazen behaviour,have we ever behaved in a responsible way.We always seem to know the rights of ours and duties of others.We all hooted and clamped when the NSG commandoes came out victorious from the various flashpoints.Enough and more airtime were given to these genuine heroes.With all due respect to our armed forces they were just doing their duty,so lets not get caught up in their heroics.The primary issue to be highlighted is "The commandoes did their job,have we done ours".

We never react strongly to any major bomb incidents.Its as though deaths and guns have become a part of life.Sometimes the gundas come from the another country and sometimes as armed guards of local corrupt corporators.We never make our leaders accountable.There are enough and more visionaries in our country but what we really need are people who can take quick decisions and implement what is urgently required.

Let us channelize this anger now to redefine India's might in the new global order.Let us reform ourselves first before expecting others to.Let us vow from today that we will follow even the smallest rules set by the state.Let us not be cowed down by acts done by some barbaric maniacs(Let them be damned.).Let us perform our duties with the utmost sincerity and honesty and we will soon see the change we want to.Let all the citizens of specially cities go out to vote and not sit in their customary drawing rooms watching the results on TV and be the first to scream out when any of their right is infringed upon.Let us all be Indians first and later Amar Akbar and Anthony.

Jai Hind!!!