FEELINGS-II

And it was not who i had hoped it was."Jatya" yelled my roomie Raghu."Where are you going?".
"Oh! i forgot i had messaged you to pick me maga".His reply to this was the usual terse "K".As i hopped on to the back seat of my Star sport bike,i hoped to get one glimpse of her.Along the route i tried to rewind our meeting in the train and thought about the various alternatives that could have happened.

We had to stop at a traffic signal and an auto also was halted next to us.From what i could make out its occupant was a girl and she was wearing a dress that appeared to be the same that Sindhu was wearing.I was not able to see the face but was hoping it was her.I asked Raghu to move the bike a little forward.After getting the answer for his query as to why he had to do it,he eventually moved a bit front,but by that time the signal turned green and i lost sight of the auto in that traffic mellee.

Reaching my room,i immediately sat in front of the PC and logged into orkut and tried to trace her through other friends who had studied with me.I finally found one of her close friend's account but to my disappointment Sindhu was not in her list of friends.Then i tried to search for her in our college community account.There was one Sindhu but her profile read "female,committed,mysuru/bengaluru". I felt hollow inside.Then clicked on her album pics which confirmed my doubt.

It was "HER".I had never felt this sort of emptiness inside me.Depressed i sat on the cement parapet outside.There was a feeling of betrayal.But then i realised she was never mine,because we had never tried,No i had never tried.Then there was a sense of mocked scorn on what i had reduced myself to.I was and wanted to be different than an ordinary lovestuck teenager desperate to show that even he was a part of this supposedly modern gennext,flaunting gfs and boyfriends.But i was bordering on being sadistic.Everything was bad and everyone even more.

I promised to myself that from that day i would not digress from my main goal of becoming a "big" person,but however much i tried to make my mind resolute that day,her face was still haunting the inner corners of my heart.The next morning there was a surprise-
my orkut account had recieved one scrap.It was her's.The scrap read-"Why dint you leave a scrap when you took the effort to find me here?".

Gosh!! how had she found out.I saw my settings and the profile visits option was not hidden.All the resolution i had made the day before fizzled out.I was very happy,no elated.I replied and this set off a series of conversations over the next few months ranging from movies to placement(ya we need to worry about our bread too!!) to rest.Everytime while coming to the end of a conversation i came very close to say the three words which so far was banned in my dictionary of ambition.But i was apprehensive about the consequences.

February 14th-Valentine's Day
It was the day of love and this loomed large on my thoughts."Should i tell it today?","No,it might all lead upto something which i cannot manage,was i even capable to handle such mature things?".These two diverse thoughts inside baffled the hell out of my head.I had never faced such a situation before.Every year when the college crowd would wear the customary red or white in accordance to the tradition i made sure i looked different by wearing black or some other boring colour.

But this year it was different,I wanted to be like the rest,feel the same feelings as others.I dint want to inhibit myself from sensing the romance.I called up Sindhu(ya i had got her no by then)and requested her to come to Cafe Coffee day in K.D.Road.At first she was reluctant but probably sensing my fervent tone she agreed.

I bought my first rose and wanted to tell her all my feelings unequivocally.I had not spent so much time in front of the mirror,taking care that powder was applied correctly and uniformly(more on beauty tips later!!).Then something hit me which hadnt in the past so many days."Committed" word in her profile.What did it mean?Was she seeing someone else or has her marriage been fixed?But i put that behind me.Now was not the time for it.


As i entered Coffee Day she was sitting there in a lovely red dress but with someone else.The rose fell from my hand.I was going back when i heard my name called from behind.I turned back and..................