FEELINGS!!!!

9 QUESTIONS!!

2011-05-06T11:45:00.000+05:30

Aditya was sitting in his plush seaside facing office,looking at the waves coming and threatening the landmass at frequent intervals.How insignificant all of man's creations looked before the might of nature!. Aditya had been married for 2 years now with Anuradha.. Theirs was a love marriage and life was going on beautifully for both of them and their families.

Aditya was the Senior Portfolio Manager of the newly formed Bhalwa and Bros Financials Ltd with its clients in Telecom,Infrastructure and Logistics Industries. He was living his dream of grandeur.Though his father had warned him against joining a company whose founder had risen to fame and wealth in a matter of couple of years,Aditya thought that it might have been a result of the founder's hardwork for a lot of years. Anuradha was a freelancer working as a Creative Consultant in many of the Mumbai's famed advertising firms.

March 12th-2010 - There were rumblings of a scam in the central government.There were chances of the central government falling too. 2G had become a buzz word on every news channel,newspaper as well as the common man's lips. Losses to the tune of lakhs of crores were being floated by just about everybody.The public was fuming with anger and were just waiting for someone's name to come out in the scam whom they could punish with their bare hands.

Shahi Balwa , Aditya's boss called him to his chamber. There was a worried look on Shahi. He asked Aditya to sit down and have a glass of water.

Shahi : " Aditya,you have been one my of most trusted and most efficient executives,but what i am going to share with you now has to remain between us,ok?? "

Aditya : " Sure sir,though i need to tell you that you look very stressed out today"

Shahi : " Thanks for the concern,anyway i hope you have been following the news about the 2G scam and mist have seen that people in Swan Telecom have also been nabbed by the CBI for this.The Supreme Court has taken this case in its own hands now"

Aditya : " Yes sir i have heard,i feel its good that the highest court of the land has taken this up now,the guilty will be punished "

Shahi : (smiled) " Well thats what i wanted to speak to you about,our portfolio on Swan, you are handling it right? "

Aditya : " Yes sir,i am ,what about it?"

Shahi : (looking at him straight): " Lose those documents,all of them ,anything related to Swan,lose them"

Aditya : (was in a shock) : "I am sorry sir,what do you mean by asking me to lose them all??"

Shahi : " I am meaning exactly what i am asking you to do,lose those files,We were never in any relationship with any Swan Telecom,do you get me? "" he asked belligerantly thumping his desk.

Aditya dint know how to react.He wasnt able to comprehend the situation. He came back to his desk and sat with his face covered in his palms,How he wished Anuradha was there right next to him!! He dint know what he had gotten into.His father's warning echoed in his head. Should he have paid heed to his old man's words?.

He asked his audit team to get all the files related to Swan. He looked into each of those files in detail like he had never seen before,He hadnt bothered to see the source and application of funds of Swan as he had believed he had a super efficient team under him.

He was shocked to see some of the information in those files.This was plain cheating what they were doing to the country.All his teachings on honesty that his dad had given him came rushing back.He dint know that he had done such a disservice to the country.He thought for some time.All his loved ones faces ran through his mind, the eyes of anuradha(oh! those eyes), the caress of his mother on his head, dad forcing him to sit and go through ethics documents one after the other. Strengthening his resolve,he headed straight into Shahi's chamber.

Shahi : "What is it Aditya?"
Aditya : " Sir,some of the information in these are explosive, i dont know how we missed it!"
Shahi : " You are our Portfolio Head arent you,whom do you think the blame should be laid on?"(with a menacing smile)
Aditya : "Sir , you were the one who asked me to let Areef ,your nephew to handle Swan's portfolio,so that he quickly learns the ropes of this business,you cant lay blame on me sir,i dont think we can lose these documents sir,we cant do a disservice to the nation like this"

Shahi : " I am afraid , you would be doing a great disservice to yourself then Aditya, there are a lot of powerful people involved here and well no one is going to hole Areef accountable,you are his boss arent you?"

Aditya wouldnt listen and went back to this office in a puff.He knew he had landed himself in a huge mess!

That very evening .....................................

FEELINGS III - The Finale Part II(The Alternate Ending)

2010-07-11T00:35:00.001+05:30

Ok this is an alternate ending to the finale.I will start off from the point where i have said Shetty was in disguise as Aditya's driver.

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Aditya called Inchara.

He dint know what to talk when she picked up.

Inchara said "hello" a couple of times before Aditya could get the gumption to talk to her.

"Hi Inchara,how are you?" he said.

She replied without her characteristic spunkiness "I am doing good"

"You are looking lovely in that dress you are wearing"

"Huh,dress! how do you know what i am wearing?" she asked,slightly taken aback at once.

"I am standing right outside your house Inchara,can see through the window of your room"

She immediately saw outside and Aditya was standing there getting drenched in the rain.

Both looked at each other for a few seconds and exchanged silent glances.

Aditya then signalled to her that he was getting drenched in the rain and then whether he could come in.Inchara, herself came out with a towel in hand and asked him to come in.Her father welcomed him in too.Later when rain had subsided to some extent they walked to the beach and sat for a while reminiscing the start of their journey.

All of a sudden Inchara asked him bluntly "What are you doing here Aditya?"

"I just came to see my grandmom Inchara,had heard she was not well" he said, still not able to talk it out .

straight.

"Your grandmom is fine,we had gone just today morning to get a few utensils from her",she said.

"Tell me the actual reason now Aditya"

"I came here for you Inchara" he said all of a sudden grabbing her hand.

"I tried to think of you in all other roles Inchara,as a friend,as an enemy,as a nobody in my life,but i realised i had fallen for you Inchara,that dream,that dream still haunts me Inchara"

"Which dream?"

"The one where i saw you all battered and bruised,i couldnt see u like that, i realised what havoc i was bringing on us"

Inchara was speechless for a moment.Just then the drizzle resumed and after a few minutes there was a heavy downpour.Aditya who was standing till then came and collapsed in the palms of Inchara.

"I Love You Inchara,this is the true feeling i have towards you,i cant live without you,it was hell without you not by my side,i dont want to let go of you now!!"

"And when you had?" she asked

"What do you mean?"

"You left IHP just like that Aditya,we could have easily sorted this out,but u went off in an instant,how can i now trust you Aditya?" she questioned again.

"I felt that you thought Dhruv was better than me to expand your business,i took it personally,i was naive i agree,but please give me a chance Inchara"

"I was also naive by taking a unilateral decision,but at that time i felt he was right for us to expand in the north,but the equation with him was different Aditya, how could you compare yourself with him?,wasnt ours a more personal one,how could you think that i would sideline you?"

"Tomorrow you may again feel the same for some or the other thing and you might again leave me,i dont want that kind of instability in my life ,atleast now after all i have been through,i cant take that risk again Aditya" she said,letting go his hand and walking a bit distant from him.

"Inchara,i am sorry for all that,but please give me another chance" he asked repeatedly.

Wiping off tears from her face and not able to see him ,"I need some time Aditya" she said and walked away.

"But your engagement is tomorrow for God sake" he screamed.

She continued to walk away.He waited till night outside her house but she kept on ignoring him.Having lost all hope,Aditya walked away and sat in his car.In an impulse he asked the driver to drive away to Bangalore.

Through the entire route he kept thinking about her,imagining- her sitting next to him,clutching his hands tightly she asked - can we survive among these sharks Aditya? He was caressing her cheeks lightly and said "we will survive somehow Inchara and held her hand even more tightly as she rested on his shoulders.

A sudden brake by the driver in the Sakleshpur ghat brought him out of this hallucination.

"Sir,sir " Shetty in the guise of the driver repeated.

"Yes what happened?" Aditya asked still not completely out of the hallucination.

"Sir i think the engine has heated up,we will have to get water from that stream,can you lend me a hand" he asked.

Aditya accompanied him to the stream.Suddenly Shetty took out his 0.3 mm and shot him in the leg,

Aditya pleaded to him to leave him and as he was doing this he was trying to reach out to the sharp pointed broken glass lying below.Shetty was preoccupied with Aditya's antics and as he was about to take the second shot ,Aditya leapt forward and punched the glass into his eye.SHetty screamed with pain and he couldnt hold on to the gun any longer.Aditya felt miserable for having done what he did,but he just threw the gun away and left Shetty to writhe in pain.

He somehow got a lorry on the road to help him reach the nearest hospital in Hassan.He had blanked out after that.

He only woke up the next evening,and it suddenly struck him that he was lying in some hospital,then he searched for his mobile,he also thought that by now Inchara would have been engaged,why hadnt she called,dint he mean anything to her?there were missed calls but only from his home and some of his team members.

His parents had got the news and had come to the hospital.After talking briefly for a while,the doctor told that his leg would have to be dressed now and asked them to wait outside.As Aditya was taking a tablet,

"Someone ordered a nurse" came a voice.

Aditya looked up and smiled- The GUITAR WAS NOW PLAYING WITH FULL FORCE

FEELINGS III - The Finale Part II

2010-07-08T23:28:00.004+05:30

Meanwhile Inchara's father had started with the preparations for the wedding.He dint want to waste anytime.Inchara was discharged from hospital,but her father prevented her from meeting any of her factory boys or even to do any work related to the business.

The last words of Aditya before he had left the hospital that day was still ringing in her ears.She was confused whether to go along with her father's diktats or wait till things got more clearer with Aditya.The engagement was fast tracked and the wedding was to happen a week after that.Her father dint want to leave anything to chance.

He asked Inchara to sell off IHP to some other business house.Inchara refused to sell her dream.She called up Aditya.

"Aditya,Dad is forcing me to sell off IHP,wanted to ask what you thought about it"

"What do i have to think about it?Its always been your business,so u need to take that decision" he replied back bluntly.

"Okay,and also my engagement has been fixed this Saturday,.." she said and went quiet.

"Yeah I know,,your dad had called to invite our family to the wedding happening the week after that,Mr Rahul huh!!" he said

"Yes,Rahul of the US" she said.

"You still havent stopped giving nicknames,have you" he said,with the tone being heavier now.

They briefly smiled.

"Nope" , she said.and not being to talk any longer hung up immediately.The turn of events in her life had taken the wind out of her sails.She was not the usual confident self,not even able to tell her Dad that she was against selling off her business,against getting married to Rahul.

Aditya sat quietly in his room contemplating over what he had to do.Just then his Dad came in.

"Son,you are ok?"

"I am fine,you wanted anything " he asked.

"No no,i just observed that over the past few months you have changed a lot,you are talking less to your mother,and have made this room of urs as your whole home,you are sure there is no problem Son?"

Aditya let all the emotions go,as he shared all what happened in his life over the past year and what he was going through emotionally.

"Look son,if she has decided to marry someone else,then i dont think you should go for her,but if u think she has the same feelings as you do then i think you should tell her what you feel directly.And about your business,i initially liked that you had gone ahead to start your own business along with her,proud that my son was doing something that i was unsuccessful at,but once you joined Adiga i became a bit worried.I tried to warn you several time,but you and your hot blood wouldnt listen.Business needs patience son,u must keep at it for a long time,only then can you reap the benefits and the same applies to love and personal relationships also",he said.

This was the first time the father and son had a heart to heart talk.They shared an awkward hug later.Aditya decided to pursue Inchara.There was no way he would let go off her.On the day before the engagement Aditya reached Inchara's home in Kumta.It was already evening by then.There was a festive atmosphere at her house with all her aunts and uncles having come for the engagement and also to make preparations for the wedding.

Meanwhile Shetty had reached Kumta posing as a stand in driver for Aditya's permanent one.

Aditya called up Inchara

"Hi,this is Mr Software Engineer of a MNC speaking" he said.

"I am waiting for you here in the beach,can you come here?" he asked.

Now Inchara's father had become overtly worried about sending her out alone anywhere.So she took one of her friends and told him that they were going to buy some Mehendi.

"Why do you have go out for that,she alone can get it right" he asked.

"Dad pleassee,i am going" she said and as planned her friend took off in a different direction once out of the house.Carrying all those heavy lehengas in her two hands she reached the spot.

Aditya saw her and smiled.

They both came close to each other.

"You look nice today" he said.

"You dont look bad too" she said and smiled.It was as though both knew why they were standing there.

"Inchara,i am sorry for what i have done to you,when you first chose Dhruv's company over me,instead of taking it professionally i took it a personal level,then misunderstandings kept happening,all this while i was trying to prove to you that i am no less than anyone,but never realised why actually i was doing it,

it was only when i came to know that Adiga was trying to kill you did i realise how much you really meant to me,the day you were in the hospital-i couldnt stop blaming myself for putting us through all this,but now i dont want to live in denial anymore Inchara,i have realised that i cant stay without you.." and before he could say anything else

"Is this the way you used to write your code in the company,u know more the lines more the dollar stuff" she asked chidingly

"Huh??",

"You could have said it in short that you love me,isnt it?" she said and winked.

"Yeah i could have done that,but u know what i wont talk anymore",saying this he pulled her close to him and they both shared a passionate kiss,again with the setting sun in the background and a slight drizzle caressing them."I LOVE YOU,Inchara"he said finally .

Then they both walked to her house where they announced this decision of theirs to her father.The family was shocked for a while but were coaxed into acceptance by the couple.

Aditya had to leave back to Bangalore that night itself as he had an important meeting with his staff the next day.Shetty all this while was biding his time.

Inchara went to leave Aditya until his car.

"Adi,come back soon,i have to offer a 50 percent partnership in IHP also" she said and winked.They kissed again and Aditya sat in his car.

"Be careful ,and make sure the driver doesnt doze off when driving" she said.

Shetty replied "Dont worry Memsaab,i will make sure Sir reaches the destination safely" he said and smiled.

"Dont worry Inchara,i will call you as soon as i reach" he said and the car sped away.

Near Sakleshpur Ghat,Shetty stopped the car on the pretext of a heated up engine.

"Sir,can you help me a bit in getting water from that nearby stream sir?,.i am not able to carry that heavy container alone he said.Aditya readily agreed and as they approached the stream,Shetty took out his 0.3mm rifle and pointed it towards Aditya.

Aditya was confused."I am sorry sir" and there was the first gunshot on Aditya's leg.Shetty was doing it the exact same way as Jay had ordered him to.First the leg,then the heart and finally the head.

Aditya pleaded with Shetty

"Please leave me,you saw that girl right,i am going to marry her,i want to be with her,pleaseeee!!" he pleaded,i am have my parents to look after also,please sir,leave me "

But no amount of pleading would melt the professional shooter's heart.He took a second shot,this time to the heart.A sudden flood of memories came rushing back to Aditya,all his childhood days,his parents,college friends,his first job,Inchara,the ego trip and finally the kiss,

Shetty took one final shot-THE GUITAR HAD FALLEN SILENT

FEELINGS III - The Finale Part 1

2010-07-08T22:17:00.002+05:30

Dhruv and Inchara reached Kumta in the wee hours of the morning.Ali was secretly following them not knowing that Aditya had also reached Kumta along with the others. Ali waited for his time.Since he had reached before hand,he had detailedly surveyed all the places.Dhruv and Inchara then went to their factory which was newly setup giving employement to many youth and women from villages around Kumta.

Aditya was secretly following Ali.None of his calls to Inchara were being picked up.He then decided that he had to confront her in order to make her realise what she was up against.

In the evening they went to the temple and this was what Ali was waiting for.Taking an alternate route to the top,Ali hid behind a bush of trees.Waited patiently as Inchara and Dhruv climbed the steps along with a few other employees of the new factory to seek Gods blessings.

As they neared the exact point which Ali had marked so as to shoot her down,Inchara heard Aditya shout from below:
"Run from there,your life is in danger!!" and before anyone could react anything ,the bullet from Ali's gun had its first casualty.

However Ali had missed his mark and accidently shot Dhruv.As Dhruv rolled down the steps,Inchara tried to duck,Ali shot again and this time it hit her arm,and before he could kill her off with a final shot,a few of the boys covered their madam,and few others went to catch hold of Ali.

Dhruv was shot right in the chest and killed him instantly.Inchara got away with wounds on her arm.A couple of the boys were wounded too.Aditya immediately drove her to the nearest hospital which was 5 kms away.Ali was caught hold off ,Dhruv's body was also taken to the hospital by some of the boys.The quiet coastal town was aghast at what had happened.

Some of the local Hindu leaders on learning that it was a Muslim shooter tried to paint a communal angle to it.Jay Panda was livid with anger,he had lost both his sons and he wanted blood.He ordered some officials in the IB to find out who was behind it.

As Inchara lay in the hospital bed after having lost lots of blood,Aditya stared her with a blank expression.He couldnt comprehend the turn of events.If he hadnt left her in the first place and joined a beast called Adiga all this wouldnt have happened.He closed his face and wept.

He wished Inchara would wake up ,wished he could talk to her,wished all this hadnt happened,wished everything went back to how it was before.Inchara's father on hearing the news had come to Kumta.
He saw Aditya sitting on the bench outside the ward,his face collapsed in his hands.

"What happened son?"

"Uncle,Inchara was shot in the arm,she has lost lot of blood.."

"Her life is not in danger right?",her father asked worriedly not able to stop tears from flowing down his eyes.He had lost his wife and if Inchara also dint survive,he would become alone.

"No,Uncle she will survive,we already got a donor with AB blood group,doctor says she will recover completely in a few days,besides she is a strong girl .." and before Aditya could complete the sentence,

"Enough of this son,we are middle class people and when we aspire something beyond what God intended us to do,we will end up like this,we are simple village people,i have tried her to explain this a lot before she got into business but she refused to confine herself and now see what has happened,now i wont listen her for anything,shes my everything son,i cant lose her" and he continued to rattle on.Aditya knew none of what he would say to console would work on Inchara's father.

Just then the doctor came out and said, "Inchara has become conscious now,you can go in to talk to her if you want"

Inchara's father rushed in,held her hand
"How are you shona?" and wept profusely
"Dad please dont cry,what will happen to your image" and tried to lighten the atmosphere

Aditya walked in,his eyes all sullen and red.He looked at her and dint know what to say.

"Thanks" she said quietly.

Aditya dint want to speak anything.

"Enough of all this Inchara,no more of this business-gizness,i have decided that i am going to get you married to my friend Ajit's son Rahul,he is earning handsomely ,stays in US,no more of this jhamela,i cant lose the only reason i am living for"

Aditya and Inchara exchanged silent glances.

She tried to calm her father down."Dad,if i go off to US ,then who will take care of you,remember you had told you will always keep me near you"

"Dont try to tell me what is to be done,you are going to get married to Rahul and thats my final decision" and walked away from there.

Aditya and Inchara were alone in the room now.He dint know what to talk to her.Guilt-ridden on having brought all this on them,he attempted to walk away.

"Aditya.."

He dint want to turn back,dint want to meet her eyes what with the guilt increasing even more when he remembered of how he had behaved..

"Why did you save my life Aditya?" she asked.

"Why are you asking that?" he was still not meeting her eyes.

"I mean you wanted to finish off IHP right,you wanted to be the headline,you tried to hurt me in all ways possible,yet when it came to the question of my life,why did you turn up to save me?"

"I dint save you,it was pure luck that Ali missed his shot"

"Ali??!! you knew the shooter's name?"

"Yes i did,he was sent by Adiga to finish you off"

"Then how come you came here to inform me?"

"I wouldnt have to,if you had picked up my call atleast once" he said, his tone showing a semblance of anger.

"Why did you even care Aditya,you anyway wanted to reach the top,this would have made it easier right?" she probed further.

"Because i couldnt live without you Dammit!!! "he yelled.

A nurse suddenly came in "Please sir,dont talk loudly,kindly go out,dont disturb the patient more" and took him away from there.As he was going out he looked back at Inchara.She looked stunned of what had just been said to her.

It was as though they had connected at a different level altogether that day.The guitar had picked up a romantic tune now.

Knowing now that Inchara had recovered a bit,he rushed off to Bangalore to tell Adiga that he no longer wished to work with him.On his way back he listened to Bin Tere(the base guitar version by Shekhar)
.He knew now how important Inchara was to him.

Meanwhile IB officials had reported back to Jay Panda on the people that had ordered the hit of his son.
Adiga knew he was in for some trouble the minute he had got the news that Dhruv was accidently shot.However he had to now save his skin.

Livid with anger,Jay called up Adiga albeit from another spare number,so that no call would be traced to him.

"Adiga,i think you already know why i called you"

"I know Jay"

"Call me Mantriji you bastard,you killed my son you bastard.,i am going to make you life miserable" Jay rattled off in the characteristic tone of political bigwigs,"

"Mantriji thats why i am trying to clear all the things,it was not me who ordered the hit on Dhruv,i had done that for Inchara,but Aditya in the last minute forced the shooter to target your son Sir,it was some issue related to Aditya being jealous of Inchara being with your son or something,i couldnt do much sir"

"You dont lie to me you son of a bitch,this information was brought to me by the IB,dont mess with me"

"I am not lying sir,it is true that i had ordered the hit on Inchara,not your son,Aditya is your target sir,not me"

With some more lying Adiga was able to muddle Jay into thinking that it was Aditya and not him who had killed his son.

Jay then called some of his shooters and told

"Shetty kill Adiga as soon as he comes out of his office,i dont know how you do it ,but kill him,and yes.there is this Aditya also ,dont spare him too,will ask one my men to send you all the details,remember my name shoudnt come in any of this".As he kept the phone "Bastards they think that they can get away killing my son"
"I will show who Jay Panda is" he bellowed emphatically in his office.

Feelings III - Part 7

2010-07-01T23:12:00.001+05:30

As the contract signing of Mallya and Adiga neared,massive protests were simultaneously launched in various parts of the state.The issue of forceful land acquisition had taken on a larger proportion altogether and Adiga was now feeling the heat.The very land that Adiga had promised Mallya was now under media spotlight what with the people from his own organization leaking out information to the press under the garb of "sources".Mallya dint want to be associated with this anymore and he decided to back out of the deal.

The Karnataka Lokayukta raided offices of Adiga's various businesses ,however Adiga was not the one to sit quietly and watch.He very well knew who was behind all this. He worked with the principle of "Keep your friends close,your enemies closer".The various real estate deals of his came under the public purview due to relentless media campaign.Aditya being a partner in the company also had to answer queries from the media.The party which was in power in the state too wanted to distance itself from Adiga.

Under this backlash against him,Adiga being a canny veteran that he was, knew he had to make peace with the opposition camp.With the market share of IHP also rising due to this black mark against his company,Adiga was losing ground in the export market too.A lions share of Adiga's loss went o IHP.He was determined to teach Dhruv and Inchara a lesson but under the garb of friendship.

With the upcoming election to the Rajya Sabha in the centre,Adiga knew very well that Ajay Mallya would want to be elected to the Upper House.For that to happen he would require the support of the party in power in the state along with Kumaranna's party.Adiga wanted to ceize this opportunity and after lobbying from all sides and with briefcases being exchanged,the party in power relented to support Ajay.This was also in return for asking Kumaranna to drop the farmer's agitation which had given bad press for both the government as well as Adiga.

This was a win win situation for everyone and the newspaper front page photo with all hands raised together showed just the same.Adiga however was burning from inside.He couldnt swallow the fact that "ek gaon ki chori(a village girl) and the son of an old foe could even think of crumbling down his empire.Inchara was the first easy target for him.

He called Ali Hafiz who was his trusted lieutenant whenever he had to "take care" of certain people.Ali Hafiz came to his office.Adiga gave him the picture of Inchara.

"Ali , her name is Inchara,shes been a pain in the neck for far too long.Choti Gaon ki Chokri hain,Tumhe zyaada mushkil nahin hoga,uska thoda khayal rakhna " so saying Adiga winked at him.

"Hojayege saab,payment har time ki thara mere Dena Bank ke account mein hi kar dhena".

"Done Ali".

As Ali was walking out he mistakenly bumped into Aditya who was just coming into office.The photo of Inchara fell from Ali's hand,Aditya observed this.What was Inchara's photo doing with this stranger?
He then asked the receptionist as to who he was.

"He is Ali Hafiz,he is called in by Boss whenever there are certain things or people to be handled when the situation gets a bit out of hand"

Aditya knew exactly what this meant.He understood what the photo of Inchara's was doing with him.He went to his office and sat on the chair,drank the glass of water kept on the table hurriedly,suddenly he was not feeling well.Having been brought up in a simple household under a strict father he had now begun to truly understand the big bad world of business.His breathing became heavier,all memories shared with Inchara came rushing back.

That night he had a nightmare
- Walking in a sugarcane field he saw a girl standing in front of him.The girl resembled Inchara,her face was slit and blood was oozing out,hands had turned black as though it were burnt,the skin on her legs seemed to have come off and it was as though she had been dragged on the ground for a long time,clothes were torn and she seemed to have just been tortured by some cruel butcher,the girl raised her hand and called out "Adi"..

Aditya woke up with a shout,he was perspiring,the girl was Inchara,what if in real life she was tortured like this by Ali.He could never allow her to go all through this,was he panicking?,the receptionist's words kept ringing in his ears,he ran to the bathroom and threw up,it was as though he was not able to comprehend the magnitude of things that were happening in his life.

The next day he had to attend an Entrepreneurs Conference called "Startup Pad" to be held in Bangalore.Entrepreneurs from 15 countries including US,France,Belgium,Hong Kong were to attend this conference.

Aditya's mind only had Inchara written all over it.He tried to call her a few times but everytime it returned a "the User is presently busy" tone.He messaged her but again no success.Inchara had gone to Jharkhand to meet Bipin Dutta regarding expanding business in Jharkhand and Bihar.The phone network was real bad and she could not be reached.He called her office and came to know she had gone there.His wavering mind again thought "She is my enemy ,why should i care? ,remember she was a friend first,you cant allow this to happen to her,so what she dint flinch before fighting me,what would she do,sit quiet and let you destroy her dream"his mind started playing games again.He was not able to take this stress.

The talks had begun and Aditya was told to shut off his phone.A few speakers came and left.Then a couple from Hong Kong who had started their own clothesline Bossini ,came to talk.
Since they only knew Chinese,there was a translator to tell it in English.
Hsien Lee started with how they had started off his business.How he had met his wife,the way they had together started Bossini,the difficult days etc.He came to the end of the speech and told the translator that he wont be needed.

To the surprise of everybody,he started to talk English with a strong cantonese accent

"I come from native China,met Tsee,love motivated I,Love can be inspiring or destructive,never allow love destroy u,dont lose love,its precious,we succeed,you succeed too"

The words of Hsien rang a bell in Adi's mind.The guitar had suddenly started to play a romantic tune,had he realised her true emotions for Inchara.was he in LOVE with her.
The questions haunted Aditya.He realised that if the nightmare he had came true,what would his life be like,until now he was like a small boy,fighting for his share of the pie,but what if suddenly she wasnt there anymore.He realised he couldnt stay without her.

Inchara came back to Bangalore two days later.

Ali then went onto prepare a faultless plan.He had to finish Inchara and Adiga was in a hurry to do this.He first recced the office of Inchara,observed her daily routine ,daily morning walks in the park near her house,then the time when the employees started coming into the house,her evening activities etc.

Adiga knew Inchara had made a name for herself and anything happening to her in the city would make big news and there would be obvious pointing fingers towards.He had learned that Inchara would be going to Kumta through a mole in Inchara's office.

He called up Ali and "Ali Idhar kuch nahin karneka,gaon jaa rahi hain,waha par tum kuch kar sakte ho"

Ali agreed.The plan was in place.On the day Inchara was supposed to leave Aditya went to meet her in her office.She was not picking up his phone and was deleting his message even without reading them.She was very angry on the way Aditya had systematically tried to ruin her business.

Just before Aditya could reach,Inchara had left with Dhruv to Kumta.Aditya followed them.Ali who knew of this plan was already stationed near Kumta.

The assassination plan was being refined.Adiga wanted Inchara dead but .....................

Feelings III - Part 6

2010-06-24T23:25:00.001+05:30

"Mr Aditya can we have a talk..will not take much of of your time",the HR executive commented.

Aditya somehow felt that it was bad news.As they entered the conference room,the IT guy placed a file in front of Aditya. "We have found some emails,chats,printer cache etc",
"We would like you to explain this Mr Aditya" said the HR guy coming directly to the point in a bit more assertive tone.

All the chat information,emails he had inadvertently sent some of his clients, all the resources he made use of the company he worked in was right there in front of him.When he was sending those mails,it dint even cross Aditya's mind that he might be trapped in this way.However for the IT department to look up only his account among the countless employees that worked in his organization surprised Aditya. He start feeling a bit suspicious.

As the HR and IT management rammed home the point about the number of ways in which Aditya had violated the ethics and business practices of the company,Aditya could only think that this was the handiwork of Dhruv and Inchara.He dint care about the job as he was anyways leaving it.However his profile would be blackmarked in the National Skills Registry and since most companies looked for the background of the person on this site,he knew this might keep away even some of his prospective clients.

His hands started twitching and he even rolled his hairs in a clear sign of tension.And the HR guy had this to say finally
"Mr Aditya i hope you realise that Stratum Inc is capable of suing you for damages,for using company's resources for personal work, using proprietary software of the company etc" , 14 other serious charges were levelled against him.And also with effect from that day Aditya was immediately relieved even though he still had a month to go.

Aditya slowly unknotted his tie and left the office premises.As he drove he could only revisualize the IT and HR guys surrounding him like vultures and tearing his character apart.His anger grew exponentially,he honked his way around the city and had near accidents.He finally stopped at one place,picked up his phone and called Inchara.

"Hi this is Mr Was Software Engineer of an MNC speaking Inchara"
Inchara could sense that Aditya was angry by his sarcastic tone.

"What happened Aditya?"

"You know i had started loving the way you were calling me like that,never knew you would use the same thing to hit me Inchara",hardly being able to swallow his own saliva.

"I am not getting you Aditya"

"Its alright Inchara,i know THIS IS BUSINESS,i was a fool thats all,not knowing how to think from my head,but believe me i am a quick learner,will learn all the tricks of you big ppl fast" said Aditya with his tone giving away aggression.

"Aditya can you please come to the point,i am not able to get you" repeated Inchara.

"Sorry Madam,i wont waste your time,i will come directly to the point,you called and informed my company isnt it,about me having my own company and stuff,i was fired from my job today Inchara,and you have virtually ensured that my career goes into a black hole",said Aditya now breathing more heavily.

"But dont worry,i will get back at you for this,dont think i am going to go away quietly into oblivion,you have hurt me today Inchara"

"Actually... thanks you have helped me to become a BUZINESSman,thanks" as he blabbered this he slammed the mobile down before Inchara could even explain that she hadnt done anything like that.She realized that Dhruv hadnt listened to her plea.

As Mike Shinoda sang "Forfeit the game,before somebody else takes you out of the frame and puts your name to shame,cover up your face,you cant run the race,the pace is too fast" in his car's stereo, Aditya was more determined to prove Shinoda wrong.

He directly went to Adiga."Mr Adiga,i want to be a full time partner of your company,i dont want to head Innovating Creativity anymore,i want more,please give me a chance to take on IHP,i want revenge Mr Adiga,please" he pleaded.Aditya had lost his senses,not being able to absorb what had just happened to him.

Mr Adiga wanted Aditya exactly in this desperate situation.He knew his trick of getting Aditya fired by giving information about Aditya to the HR manager who was a personal friend of his would work well for him.

Mr Adiga smiled cunningly

"Come son,you are still young,hot blooded,but successful businesses arent run this way,you dont give up on your own creations,dont close down Innovating Creativity,now is the time you calculatively think,make your moves smartly,imagine playing a game of chess,you need to win,whether the methods you use are ethical or unethical shouldnt matter to you,the only goal should be to checkmate the opposite player,think more from your brain,not from your heart" and so saying Mr Adiga was poisoning Adi's mind.Aditya who had grown up listening to his honest father's advices was now all blank as a slate.What Adiga would wish he could write on it.

Meanwhile....

Dhruv had gotten a meeting fixed with Kumaranna Gowda,a seasoned Karnataka politician,an ex Chief Minister of Karnataka who was now being pushed to the oblivion of Karnataka politics due to the new party which had come to power in the state with the help of Adiga and other rich industrialists who actively funded the party.

The land near NICE road which was reportedly taken forcibly by the builder mafia headed by Adiga without giving adequate compensation was an issue that Kumaranna wanted to take up actively .He wanted his political career to be restored to the hey days of glory.Dhruv and his father knew this.Inchara was just a pawn and excuse for them to go actively against the current state government and Adiga.

Adiga had earlier publicly humiliated Dhruv's father in a press conference saying that the Industry and Commerce Minister was forcing companies like Adiga's to fund them during elections in the Centre.This had led to a big media brouhaha in the national media costing Jay Panda the more plumpier Finance Ministry.

A big conspiracy was being planned by Dhruv,Jay and Kumaranna.The fight for the NICE land was to be taken up more violently ,bringing the government machinery down taking it to unmanageable levels,once this was done then the Central appointed Governor would ask for Governor's rule to be imposed on the state.

They knew for this to happen they had to take the government by surprise,protests were planned in front of the CM's and Adiga's residence.The protestors were given clear cut instructions to become violent if there was no response.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Aditya knew of Inchara's plans of venturing into packed foods in the airline sector and that talks with King Airlines was in advanced stage.They drove to the King's CEO Ajay Mallya's resort,Aditya looked at his own reflection in the rear view mirror,with the wind making his jacket collar strike repeatedly against his face,he knew that a new dawn had come in his life,one where ,there would hardly be any space for emotions.

He knew this contract with Mallya was one of the ambitious forays of Inchara and he wanted to hurt her here.Even though he had felt doing this was unethical Adiga had convinced that if Aditya wanted to be the headline then he had to do all this to reach the top. With "benefits" being explained to Mallya about what all he would be gaining if he decided to give Adiga the contract,he closed the deal successfully there.Mallya was promised that some portion of the land near NICE could be given to him for his aircraft maintenance work.As he came out , Aditya smiled to himself,-"Inchara you are going to be hurt BAD",he said to himself.

He then actively seeked Inchara's right hand Bharat Joshi and enticed him with the money to switchover to Adiga's.This would weaken Inchara internally.Next stop : few of the governments storage facilites which were leased out to Inchara.He asked Adiga to pay a higher price to get these facilties for themselves.

Inchara watched as Aditya started slowly crashing down her dream and also what was one time his own.Though until then she had hesitated to support Dhruv in his machinations she was now forced to.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Both were trying to undercut each other,Both felt a strange sense of agony when doing so.Both dint realise why.

As the contract signing day between Mallya and Adiga neared ...........................

FEELINGS III - Part 5

2010-06-17T21:47:00.003+05:30

"Mr Adiga,I would want to join you",said Aditya,somewhat in a confused tone.

"I am glad son,let us just sit with my legal department and work out all the terms and conditions"

Aditya nodded.He was still not sure of his decision but he knew he had to be a flowing river,take the chances and opportunities when they come as Inchara had done.

As he drove back to his home he was thinking as to how he would tell this to Inchara.They had built the company jointly over 2 years.Though he was just a marketing partner to IHP,he was a key part of all the strategic decisions,plus being a startup there was hardly any boundary or definition of roles for each person.

The next two nights he could hardly sleep,the meeting with the legal team of Adiga was to happen in a week and before that he had to get things cleared with Inchara and IHP.

Next day,he went over to meet her in her office.Inchara received a call on the intercom,it was her secretary.
"Mam,Aditya sir has come to meet you".Inchara felt silent for a while,she had not met Aditya after that meeting with Dhruv and having known Aditya for the past few years,she knew he was hurt.However all the processes with Sketchy Zebra was consuming most of her time.

"Mam,shall i send him in?" ,the secretary repeated.Seeing the secretary ask Inchara again ,Aditya felt that things had come to such a pass that he was not allowed directly like before.

"Please send him in,he is our company partner,you dont have to ask me again" said Inchara.

"Sir,you can go in"

"Thanks", said Aditya with a smile that gave away his sarcasm.

As he went in,

"Hi Aditya,how have you been?" said Inchara ,with the same dimpled smile,trying to somewhat relax the tempers.However in Aditya's mind the strings of the guitar were playing in a violent manner.

"Hi" ,Aditya snorted back.

"Hows your mom,heard she was not well ",Inchara asked with genuine concern.

Aditya cut her statement and asked "Hows IHP running Inchara?"

"IHP,ya its running well Adi,why?" she asked.

"No since i dont get much of updates nowadays,plus you have new friends now,so just wanted to atleast know whats happening" ,Aditya snided back.

Inchara could feel the open hostility."I have been sending all the weekly reports no Adi,anyways lets just run them over once now,also we need to also make a decision about the contract for packed foods for King Airlines..",her tone was quivering now.

"Actually Inchara,you wont have to share any updates with me from now on",Aditya said.

"What do you mean?"

"I am leaving IHP and giving up on the share i had in this company,all of the 15 percent,all the various roles i had in this" said Aditya keeping a straight face,the guitar playing even more violently.

The room was silent,no one knew what to talk.Inchara's eyes had welled up a bit.

"Aditya i had no option,.."

"Dont Inchara,you already have given your explanation,i am seeking greener pastures"

"Oh! greener pastures huh,...,i really dont know what to speak Adi",Inchara knew now that both were trying to pull the metaphoric "rope" to their side,it could only break now.

"I have got a offer from Adiga and Bros,they are the big ticket i was waiting for,finally i can quit my job,this is it Inchara",Aditya was trying to talk in a casual way,fact of the matter was his soul was crying from inside too,but he dint know what had taken control of him,his ego,envy,jealousy,why did he feel so bad on Inchara partnering Dhruv.He was not able to solve his inner riddles.All he understood was that he wanted to show to Inchara what he was capable of,the power he could possess.

Lust ,greed and jealousy had clouded his true misunderstood feelings.Inchara dint want to lose her dear friend.She had grown so used to him ,having him along the entire 2 year journey,now all of a sudden knowing he would not be there,the emotional pressure was too much to take.

"Fine Adi,will ask Bharat to take care of all the papers",so saying she hurriedly went to the restroom,her face now washed with the tears rolling from her eyes,the partnership had ended before she was able to gauge the entire situation,she had felt what she was doing was right,had she taken a wrong decision?,the tears were not stopping nor was the nostalgia.

But she had to take control of herself.She couldnt allow personal feelings to come in the way.She had to be strong.She wiped her tears,tied up her hair,knowing she had to wage the battle without Aditya.

Aditya stepped out of the IHP office,looked at the board of the company,the logo and tagline of which he had designed,he was now going to be after his own creation, the song in his car was now "What I've Done" of Linkin Park.He drove fast,he dint want to hear his heart beat,dint want to look back.

Since the project he was doing in the company was in the half way stage,Aditya decided to quit after 6 months.

4 months later:

4 months is a lot in the business world.Dhruv and Inchara led IHP successfully.The company's revenue was now soaring,going into newer businesses in the food sector.Adiga was feeling the heat.Aditya was trying his best but was failing everytime to Dhruv's machinations.He had also put down his papers in the company.Focussing on two things was getting impossible for him.

During one of the board meetings of IHP-
"Inchara,we are slowly cutting Adiga to size,the real punch will be if we get after his real estate business,if we plug that source of income for him,he will then no longer concentrate much on the food business,nothing can stop us from being no1 then"

"But Dhruv,our policy has always been to concentrate on ourselves,on how we can become better,i feel this is not needed".

"Inchara,u dont allow competitors to stand on their feet,he is feeling the heat now due to our rapid rise,ur friend has also not been able to do much there,i have contacts,Adiga is part of many shady deals,all his land near NICE road in Bangalore -Mysore highway is worth crores,but many of the farmers have not given up the land voluntarily"

"But i heard adequate compensation has been given,isnt it,btw Adi also had his software job to take care of,dont forget he was responsible for the jumpstart of this company,he is a lethal weapon if he just concentrates on this work" quipped Inchara.

"Yeah yeah ur friend ,anyways the Adiga issue can be made political,i know the person right for this,i will handle it dont worry,
btw ,what about Aditya?"

"What about him?" asked Inchara.

"We have enough cannon to go after him too,tax evasion,business conduct violations in his company"

"No we are not going after him Dhruv,please i cant allow that,you want to go after Adiga,go after him,but please not after Adi"

"Ok as you say,just see how i make this game interesting" said Dhruv with a smile.Being a conniving politician's son ,shrewdness and chanakyagiri came naturally to him.

One month before final relieving of Aditya:

The HR department executives and few IT ppl had come to his desk.
"Mr Aditya,can we have a talk ........."

FEELINGS III - Part 4

2010-06-10T19:54:00.002+05:30

" And also i took a house for lease for 3 years in Jayanagar",she said."I can use this as a temporary office too".
Aditya was now curious to see who the person was.Having wrapped a few minute works,he drove to meet Inchara and the
"mystery person"

As his car came to a halt near the proposed meeting place of CCD,Jayanagar,he could see a tall smart person sitting next
to Inchara through his Aviator glasses.As he went inside

"Hi Mr Software Engineer in an MNC",she said smilingly.Aditya had grown to love this welcome now.

"Hi Inchara and, this is?" he asked.

"He is Dhruv Panda ,CEO of Sketchy Zebra- its the no3 Marketing and Pr consultancy firm in India" she said eying Dhruv
as though she had got a prized catch for IHP.

"Hello" ,Aditya said with a bit of unease.

"Wait a minute are you the son of Jay Panda,the Union Minister of Commerce and Industry?" Aditya asked.

"Yes,I am,SZ was actually started by my brother Vineet,but you might have heard about the Air India crash two years back.
He passed away in that,the media was reporting on his death too" Dhruv said.

Aditya had no clue about Vineet but he had heard of the crash.He nodded as though he knew every detail of the crash.

"After that i was elected as CEo of SZ.Anyways Inchara had wrote to us through our online portal asking for help for IHP
on a pan-India level.We had asked all the startups to write to us if they needed help.We would be charging a lower price
for such companies,i had come down to Bangalore to meet a few of these entreprenuers here",he said.

Aditya was now a bit worried.Dhruv would be encroaching on his business space sooner than later.More importantly he was mad at
Inchara for having taken these decisions unilaterally without even informing him.

The three had a small chat on the road ahead and how they could synergize.Aditya participated very less in the discussion.

Aditya realized that Inchara had not told Dhruv that he too had a low cost marketing consultancy company.Dhruv only knew
that Aditya was a director in the company and was also a minority partner.

After he left,Inchara quipped - "I am stressed out,game for Amoeba?",she asked.

Aditya looked at her with disgust."How could you Inchara?",he asked

"How could I what?"

"You are making SZ your marketing agency and you are acting as though you are unaware of anything"
now his tone even angrier than before.

"I acted in the interest of the company Aditya,the next step for us was to have our products in stores across India,for
that we needed a company who had a pan India expertise in doing this for us.Your company Innovating Creativity as of now
has only expertise in Karnataka and now a bit in Hyderabad,we couldnt possibly wait for you to grow" she said tersely.

"But i am asking Dhruv to support us only in Northern India circles and Mumbai,South would still be with you" she said with a milder tone.

"Yeah South will be with me,do you think these national players will accept such kind of deals.They wont agree to be reduced to a regional player for any
client"

"As you know competition is increasing every day,we need to be moving fast" she said.

"But now if SZ comes in,you are virtually cutting my company to size" he said angrily.
"I dint expect this from you Inchara,while i agree you cant wait,you cant grow at the cost of IC",he said.
"What about the way we started 2 years back and our friendship?" he asked.

"Aditya you are mixing personal and professional things here.THis is Business,if we all keep letting emotions take
control of our decisions,then we are going to end up no where but down,"we are friends but thats at a personal level,i have
200 families to feed,so my decision will not be with respect to me alone,please try to understand Aditya"

"Hmmm ok,true THIS IS BUSINESS" he said and quietly walked away from there.Inchara dint want to hurt Aditya but in the
face of increased competition she had no choice.

Two days later Aditya attended a state level investors meet,the pass for which was got by his uncle.Many top industrialists,hoteliers,angel investors,
venture capitalists,entreprenuers etc were expected to attend this meet.

His uncle a top IAS officer in the government took this opportunity to introduce Aditya to new people,whom he thought could be beneficial for his business.

Sadanand Adiga,the proprietor of Adiga and Bros-the no 1 player in the South Indian markets in the ready to eat category had also come there.Aditya's uncle
always wanted him to work with the bigger and established players rather than a fringe player like IHP.He dint care whether IHP had gained a lot in the past
few months or not.

"Hello Sadanand!How are you doing?"

"I am fine Shankar,how are you?Btw what about the contract you were supposed to give from your association?" Sadanand said,with a smile that showed
signs of connivance.

"It will come,it will come,but you also have to make some effort" his uncle said.

This usually meant a underhand deal was supposed to happen.

"How is you diabetes by the way?" his uncle asked.

"Its fine,who is this young man?"

"He is my nephew Aditya,works as a software engineer in a top US company,also has his own consultancy firm,very hardworking boy Adiga,see if you can make use
of him" his uncle quipped.

"Hmmm what experience do you have young man?"

"I am basically into low cost marketing and consultancy,have a few clients like Inchara Home Products,Mocha etc",he said.

"Oh you are part of that IHP,its been making rapid strides,that young girl is doing really well" Adiga said.

Aditya could almost feel his ego kicking him from the back.He thought that he was primarily the reason IHP jumpstarted from a village endeavour to
being in stores across Karnataka,AP and also having a niche market mostly in the US.

"Well i was also responsible a bit,it was a small village venture,used my skills to get it to where it has" he said now authoritatively.

Sharks like Adiga who had been in the business for long could instantly sense something amiss.

He then called Aditya to his office two days later.

"Welcome Aditya,how have you been,please have a seat" he said when Aditya went to his office to meet him.The desk was folded dosa shaped
and the walls were adorned by all the awards Adiga had collected over the past 20 years.

Adiga thought IHP was a thorn in the flesh and was observing its steady rise despite the presence of other giants.

"Aditya i was thinking over the past couple of days,we need a young energetic company which can give us innovative ideas to market our
products to the young demography of 18-30 better,why dont you join us?" he said.

Adiga knew what he exactly wanted.Shrewdness was something he had mastered over the years and his rivals were weary of this quality of his.
He believed in getting anything by hook or crook,he had businesses in real estate and had figured in various shady deals.

He tried to make the deal a sweet one with Aditya,he knew money could make anyone dance,seduce them into doing something
which otherwise they wouldnt have.

Aditya felt this was the opportunity he couldnt let go,after all the returns were good.

"I am interested Adiga sir,its very kind of you to give me this chance" he said,now thinking his prospects had suddenly become good
after the heartburn of Inchara's meet.

"BUT i have a condition son,you cannot be a part of IHP anymore,anyways the returns you are getting here would be atleast
six times more than what you are making there even as a partner.

Aditya saw the skyline of Bangalore and the lalbag gardens in between from Adiga's plush 1oth floor office.

His company would itself have not been founded had it been not for Inchara,the close friendship he had with her,but she also
dint even think twice before trying to isolate him in the company,yet his company would not have come to this position only
without the expertise he had got through IHP,6 times the money...his mind started playing games.The new condition meant he had to think twice.

He was in a dilemma,a slight drizzle had started and the city was wet,he made his decision.

"Mr Adiga .....

Feelings III - Part 3

2010-06-04T01:12:00.000+05:30

The first week passed by quickly and Aditya was sad that he had only more week to stay in Kumta.After that it was back to the daily grind of computers.

The annual village jatre was to be held that week and Aditya went to the temple to check out all the ceremonies.He saw Inchara walking ahead of him all decked up in traditional Indian wear.

"Hi Mam,u are also heading to the temple?"

"Oh Hi Mr Software Engineer,yeah i am going to the temple,have to give all this pooja items to dad,he has been nominated to be the priest to perform the main pooja this time na"

"You know you got to stop addressing me in that way,i get a bit irritated,anyways me also heading that way"

"Oh you get irritated eh,then i got to call you like that everytime" she said with a mischievous smile.

On the way she asked him

"You know any low cost marketing companies who can promote us a bit in places like Bangalore"
"You see our products can be very useful to all the working women there,our ready to eat items are popular in Hubli,Dharwad and some even in Goa,the export business has not taken off that well,but we have not been able to make an entry into Bangalore at all.First the competition is intense there with multiple players,plus retail stores there are not ready to keep our items as they charge a very high cut,the first step is to get the big players to house our products in their stores,for that we need someone who can negotiate,who is local the place there"

"Can you help us out here?" she asked.

Aditya did have some contacts.He was thinking - instead of letting someone else take this opportunity,why not take it himself,start his own marketing cum consultancy firm,he even had the first client ready.The opportunity was too good to let it go.

That entire day he thought over this.The next day he went to Inchara's home.

"Hi !"

Inchara was arranging all the kannada papers scattered all over the place by her dad.Surprising thing for Aditya was that he had never gotten to meet her dad.He had seen him once during the wedding they had attended but apart from that he never got the opportunity.

Moving her loose hair from her face,she turned back

"Hi Mr..."

"Please i beg you" he said.

"Ok ok tell me"

"Remember you had asked me yesterday about wanting someone to negotiate on ur behalf ,i have got someone for you",he said with a sense of pompousness.

"Really so fast,who is that" she asked.

"ME"

"You joking" she asked.

"Nope heres the deal,i have contacts,you want business,how about me becoming a partner in ur company?" he asked.

Inchara fell silent.She was not sure,An inexperienced person to take her business forward,it could ruin the future prospects of her small venture if Aditya failed to deliver.

"I am not sure Aditya,i mean you are a software engineer,you dont have any experience in this field,i dont know what to say" she said trying not to hurt his ego.

Aditya was now desperate to prove himself."Try Me" he said with an audacious tone.Seeing his confidence she asked -
"So how does this work,all the partnership stuff"

"Simple i want 20 percent of ur topline"

"Isnt that a lot?" she asked.

"Not if i bring u the business that i think i can"

"Can you give me a business proposal?once you do that we can formally sign a contract",she said.

Aditya had never done a business proposal before.He promised to mail her soon.Life was getting exciting now for Aditya.

Six months later:

Aditya had proved his mettle.Though he had not yet left his stale IT job,he was getting to use his creativity somewhere.A meeting was fixed with a Senior Store Manager of Future Group where a deal to house their ready to eat products was to be done.Inchara came down to Bangalore.They had decided to meet at the headquarters directly.Seeing her for the first time in a business suit,Aditya was a bit taken aback.She looked different today - all prim and proper.

"Hi looking good boss!!" he said

"Thank you Mr Software Engineer"

"Ah!! its been so many months and u still havent got rid of that tagname for me"

"So all set for the meeting" he asked with his infectious smile.

"Lets do it!!,This is a huge step for our company" she said

"And thanks a lot for making this happen in such short a time"

"Hey dont thank me,i gain when u gain",came a pat reply from Aditya.

The meeting went off very well and within one month the "Inchara Home Products" were there in all Future stores.

Sales were slowly picking up and the products were gaining word of mouth publicity.

6 months later:

IHP was 3rd in the list of the ready to eat category in Bangalore.
Aditya and Inchara were both back in Kumta to celebrate this,also it was Inchara's birthday-so there were two reasons now.

Inchara's favourite point being the beach,both decided to celebrate her birthday in a small way.At 6 in the evening both headed to the beach.
Since the beach would be usually be empty at this time,it made good sense.But to Inchara's surprise Aditya had arranged a surprise party with whatever minimum he could get there.All the workers of IHP were there.There were songs played,guitar strummed by Aditya,drinks gulped down,even the villagers were attracted to this and were welcomed in too.

In the midst of all this Inchara went silently and sat on a rock away from all the noise and hoopla.With wind blowing her hair all over the place,she silently wished her mother was alive to see this all.Aditya came up behind her

"What u doing here?,remembering ur mom?" he asked.

"Yes" she said softly.

"Shed be real proud of you Inchara,that too from a village u have been able to establish this business of urs"

"Aditya,u have helped a lot too"

"You want to dance?" she asked all of a sudden.

"Dance?here with all the people around?"

"Bloody outdated!! the people are far off,whats there in a dance,come" she said.

Mobiles being the new music players,Inchara played all the soft chick songs,while both danced with the setting sun in the background.

"Nice yaar,you dance quite well" she said.

"Yeah actually i am the one who taught Hrithik Roshan his first steps" he said with a wink.

They then sat down on the sand with wind blowing more heavily now.
"So when are you leaving your IT job?"

"Yeah soon,once i get more clients and stabilize a bit more i will leave it"

They had gotten used to each other now.Aditya was trying for more clients and Inchara was trying to set up new infrastructure to produce more products.Whatever small export business she had also started to do better.Their professional and personal chats had become less frequent.Though they missed the emotional high of chatting up,it was BUSINESS.They had to be focussed.

An year passed by with both getting more busy.

Aditya then received a call from Inchara to meet her in Bangalore.

"Theres something we need to talk about,theres someone i want you to meet...........

Feelings III - Part 2

2010-05-28T00:08:00.001+05:30

"And??" she asked ,now almost irritated by the guy gazing at her and talking intermittently.

"And i wanted to just come and meet the person who has got everyone praising,plus nothing much happens in the village anyway,so wanted to check you out" and smiled,showing 18 of his crystal white teeth(guess colgate salt toothpaste had helped)

"Check me out??,what do u mean?" ,her tone was getting more angrier now.

"No i dint mean the other way,i wanted to just meet the person,see what business is being run,just to get more informed thats all,sorry if it felt like i was meaning something else,btw i am Saraswathi Amma's grandson" ,he said thinking that the name of his famous grandmother may get him some leverage with her.

Her tone suddenly changed."Oh ok u are Sarsu Ajji's grandson,give me 20 minutes,i will just wrap up the accounts calculations and meet you in a while in the verandah.Just make yourself comfortable" and so saying she directed one of the maids to serve him a glass of butter milk.The drink was the default introductory serving in all homes in Kumta.

Aditya watched keenly as Inchara was handling multiple things at the same time.Doing the math,keeping an eye on whether all the goods were being loaded correctly into the vans,checking whether the guests were being treated well.In exact 20 minutes Aditya saw her finish off all tasks and freshening up and coming.

"Hello,sorry for being a bit rude that time,i m Inchara " she said extending her hand.That was a change,mainly because in villages the only greeting a boy and girl can make is a folded hand namaskar.

"I am Aditya,i had come on a vacation here,i am a .." and before he could complete

"Software engineer" she said moving her tresses aside with a mocking smile on her face.

"Yeah how did you know..hold on before you say that if you throw a stone anywhere in Bangalore and compare us to dogs,let us stop it there"

"No i did not mean to say that,Ajji had distributed sweets to us saying her grandson in Bangalore had gotten a job in a big company",although she wanted to say the exact same thing as what Aditya had feared,she dint want to insult in any which way,so ended up making a reason.

"Anyways what did u want to know?"

"Well whats your business all about,how did you bring this up and other stuff,want to see if i can get some inspiration"

"Dont mind,today is tuesday and its time for my weekly visit to the temple,can we talk some other day?,or will you join me,we can talk on the way",she said in a cool way.

"On the way,only us?i mean is that allowed here and all?" he asked almost conjuring up all the aunties coming together and gossiping about the boy and girl.

"Oh come on,i think the only thing outdated here is you " she said smiling."Come lets go"

They decided to walk to the nearby temple.The temple was on a hill and people had to climb a lot of steps to get there.From the top, the Arabian Sea could be seen in full splendour.All through the way she explained how she got help from KSSIDC in giving her the infrastructure and guidance for free.She used to export a whole variety of food items and lot many more ingenuous things.All through the "green route" Aditya was taking a lot of pics which irked Inchara a bit.

"Why are you taking so many photos?" she asked.

"This is the only place where i get to see nature and its beauty,at the rate the trees are being cut in Bangalore,i think very soon to even see trees we will have to come to Kumta" he said.

"Oh ok you are also nature conservator,so what would your views be on the dam being built on the agnashini river nearby?"

"Well it should be stopped,i mean so many ppl are getting displaced" he said almost in a "I am right about this" tone.

She disagreed telling that looking at the benefit it would giving in the long term,it should be done.They argued over the entire algae and moss filled steps to the temple.

Cool breeze was flowing at the top and Inchara was having a hard time keeping her hair away from her eyes.They decided to sit inside the temple to avoid the impending rain.However they were hardly getting anytime to talk given the popularity of Inchara.This was causing a slight ache in Aditya's mind and some envy crept in.

A few days after this,they again met on the occasion of the marriage of one of their common friends.Aditya's grandmom had forcibly tagged along Aditya. Dressed in a kurta ,he was standing in a corner trying to avoid the "family audience".Inchara came along with her father,dressed in a neatly embroidered red saree complete with ghungrus and jhumkas.Aditya overheard some of the elder women talking about Inchara and how she would be ideal for their sons.Some were apprehensive about a a businesswoman being a daughter-in-law.Most of the conversations bordered on the eccentric.

Aditya was amused by all this.He felt a tap on his shoulder.
"So Mr.Software Engineer of a MNC ,what are you doing standing in this corner" she asked.

"Nothing i am trying to avoid all the aunties,uncles,chotus,there is hardly anybody of our age here" he said.
"True,even i am forced to come along with father..hey tell you what after lunch i have a great idea,lets go to the beach"

"What?why the beach" he said

"Its been a long time for me,plus it would good to have a similar aged company.Lets go there, i will get some kokam juice and we can have a small party of our own."

"Kokam juice??thats your idea of a party?" he said."You just come along" she said.

Aditya agreed to this plan and soon after lunch they rushed to Inchara's friends home.She changed to a jeans and t shirt and they made their way to the beach.It was empty at that point in time.They sat under a coconut tree.

Aditya liked the way she was able to carry both the traditional and casual style with elan.

"Thanks for coming along,i am so busy the rest of the 6 days,sunday is one day i want to chill out" she said.

"Chill out!! " Aditya couldnt control his laughter now,he wanted to know what are the ways to "chill out" in the village."Oh we have our own ways to do it " she said."Of course we are not as adventurous when letting our hair down like you city people"

"So what do you do on weekends therein Bangalore" she asked "Pubs,booze?"

"Again a stereotypical image of banglaoreans.." and before he could complete it "Even u have about us,so why cant we have the same?" she asked.

"Anyways thats not the point,i usually go out with my friends or sometimes with family also"."what about you"? he asked

"Well dad and i go to Yana,Karwar,Gokarna and some nearby places in the weekend.Om Beach is my favourite,only place for us to see so many cultures intermingling with each other"

"Ya in Om Beach,the phoren women are too good"he said now almost smiling naughtily.

She cleared her throat and "Ya besides that also is fun,i mean the men there,some of the most incredible bodies i have seen".

"Huh,wow wasnt expecting that response" he said.

"Why when you ppl can talk lecherously about other girls we cant do the same is it,anyways it was more to stop you from talking like that in front of me,I hate this typical behaviour of ur gender"

Aditya was all zip sealed.

Changing the topic he said
"Hey why dint ur mother come along?"
"My mother passed away 2 years back in an accident and she fell silent" " i couldnt forget her,i tried all possible means,then struck upon starting my own business to divert my mind and put my brain to use."

"Oh i am sorry for that",Aditya could somehow sense that Inchara was feeling burdened both by death of her mother and her business.

"I am the only child.Dad has become very possessive about me after that,even tells that the boy i will be marrying will have to come and stay with us here,as he doesnt want to be left alone"

"But you will be coming to meet him and taking care otherwise also right,i mean ,i actually dont know,these things are very complicated for me,so i better not talk"

"You will,i mean everybody has to...............

FEELINGS III -Part 1

2010-05-19T21:17:00.002+05:30

At the outset i would like to thank all the people who have knowingly or unknowingly given a lot of material on which i can splurge my creativity and imagination.I dont know what genre this story would be classified under because frankly i am as confused as my lead protagonist Aditya.Why i chose this name?Because i have always been in love with dynamism,symbols which denote the same.I wanted the name to be "Fire" but dont know whether the character i am writing would imbibe these.The girl's character would be Inchara.As the name suggests the girl is pretty,beautiful ,independent minded,ambitious with a strong conviction.I have loved imagining this character and the various facets of her personality.Hopefully i would be able to bring it into written words.

The faces of both the characters would be left to the imagination of the readers.Fill in the faces u want to and hope you enjoy reading it.

SO here goes

FEELINGS III

The time was ticking in his watch.The seconds hand moved closer to 9,the hour hand moved closer to 5.He was sitting in a reclined position in his Cavalier office chair whose back he could not fix to make it straight.His manager might have thought that the guy was wasted.As he reclined back and looked at the textured ceiling overhead, he saw the Emergency Exit board above him.His heart asked him to follow the instruction,mind said "wait,not yet".Two years back he had joined work ,after completion of his engineering degree with full enthusiasm hoping to do some great work and make a name for himself.

Reality was that work was coming to him either in flood or drought and he was unhappy of the inconsistency.He felt that his brain was not being used much to do the mundane job any degree passout would be able to do.His life had become shallow,less contact with friends,relatives,basically having lesser time for himself and having lost the desire in everything.He was going more and more towards mental bankruptcy.

Situation had come to such a pass that he was not even completing the sentences he had started.Same office,same colleagues,the sameness was killing him - Aditya who loved change everyday.

That day as he sat there he felt blank as though there was a huge void which had to filled.He decided that enough was enough and packed his laptop bag and headed straight to his home.As he sat in the office cab looking out of the window ,there was a slight drizzle and in a particular stretch there were some agricultural fields which looked inviting and reminded him of his native.The smell of the ground due to the drizzle mesmerized him.It had been 6 years since his last visit.He thought that this was a good time to rejuvenate himself and get his priorities right.

So he decided to take two weeks off and visit his native ,the beautiful coastal town of Kumta.But first he had to talk his Dad into allowing him to go as he wouldnt appreciate such random decisions.Insincerity was one thing his dad hated in individuals and most certainly his own son.

Aditya hesitatingly asked "Papa,i want to go to Kumta and stay for two weeks with Ajji"

Dad suddenly raised his eye and asked "Why suddenly?dont u have office?"

"Yeah Papa but i am sick and tired of the same job ,the same computer,the same people,i want to get away from all this"

"Oh Really?Sunanda did you hear what your son is saying?hasnt worked fully for 2 years yet and he is already sick of it,what about us who have worked for 30 years in the same organisation?Your generation i tell u.anyways Adi if u really want to go,u are free to".

Making his mom agree was not a big task for him.He called up his sister and told her that he would be leaving to Kumta soon.Even she was surprised by the sudden urgency in the tone of her brother though she had realised that he was not in his elements for some time now.

Aditya packed all the necessary items,his guitar which he had nicknamed as Sanorita and left to Kumta by bus.

KUMTA

As soon as he reached the bus stand he could smell the smokes from the chimneys common in every home there.Fresh green vegetables was laid on the floor just next to the bus stand.The people there were in no hurry.Some of them were waking up from last nights "toddy" effect.There were Red stains everywhere and it seemed that Paan and not rice was their staple diet.Aditya climbed onto the bus that would take him to his grandma's place.

For a person used to living in AC the smell was unbearable.All along the routes he could see inclined roofs made of mangalore tiles,compounds made of green,thorny cactuses.It was as though the land had been swamped by greenery and this was more so because of the rains which had just set in.There were traces of tar here and there.He could see the sea at a distance.Fisherwomen wearing blouseless sarees(usually dull green ones) chewing paan,men sitting idle were soon throughout the 6 km distance.

He was welcomed as a grandchild would normally be.As was the tradition both coconut drink and butter milk were offered as options.

As he sat down on the cot he asked grandma to update all the going ons there.All he heard was about how a young girl had started off her own business there.She was apparently exporting the products to "FOREIGNA"(that was how it was called).The house had a few more visitors that day and most of them seemed to have been overawed by the BIJNESS that was started.

The next day intrigued by this,Aditya decided to go and meet the young girl who had started off her own business.Even though there was a slight drizzle Aditya decided to go anyway.

When he reached there he saw a person carrying a bag full of jackfruit chips packets to be loaded into a van.
"Anna where can i meet your boss"

"Akkavra?she is inside"

After multiple directions and misdirections he finally caught sight of the girl.Though her back was towards him.She was directing the various helpers on what to do and what not and was getting irritated when the things were not being done as she wanted them to.Aditya thought it was not a good time to disturb her.So he waited around and asked one of the helpers to inform "madam".

On being informed the girl turned back.

Initial description:

Height : 5 feet 5inch
Color :Wheatish
Hairstyle : Step-cut
And figure dainty as though she would collapse anytime.She was still wiping the sweat of her forehead.Prolonged standing the drizzle had meant her hair was still dripping water.And her dress was all messed up and looked as though the boss had become one with the labourers.

Aditya was somehow caught up with the whole process of the water droplets kissing her hair,flowing down smoothly and falling to the ground below.

"You wanted something?" she asked in an irritating manner almost ready to dismiss him.

"Yes he said" and .........................................

AGNASHINI ADVENTURES

2009-05-09T14:22:00.006+05:30

Ok so until now i was writing my stories under the pseudonym of Jatin.But now i want to write this real story which i hope u readers enjoy.
Well i had this dream of living in the dense forests,with fresh water flowing on the side and me living in solitude far away from polluted minds and mindsets of the cities.Basically wanted to live the life of the early man knowing fully well that it was not possible now.You see even i have responsibilities.

Anyways this was in July 2007.I had gone to my village GudKagal,Kumta.The Agnashini Mountain stood tall,handsome and mysterious front of our grandfather's home.Lot many stories about the mountain were going around about it,of ghosts who would strike down people in the narrow creeks in the night after 12,of foxes and wolves which had inhabited the forest in the mountain,of an old king's 'NIDHI'(meaning pots of golds).

The king was KrishnaDevaraya and he had a Guru named Vidyaranya Pandit of whom we are all the descendents.The story was that some of the king's gold was hid by the Guru's disciples in the mountains on the request of the King.

Right then we had arrived in our ancestral home.Another of my techie cousin had also come along with us.He was a adventure freak and he had as many as 65 treks,4 bungee jumps and many other adventure sports to his name.We had planned to go for a trek of the Agnishini Betta,but this had to be a clandestine adventure.The stories told were so horrifying that none of our parents would have any hesitation in dismissing our request.

So the plan was set.We were to demystify all the stories we had heard one by one.We had to take care also of one another thing.Poisonous king cobras and small 'dhoolbakris'(dust snakes),pythons and other poison heavy lizards.So we had to take care of taking anti-venom injections.Having gone on such dangerous treks before my cousin Manjunath Bhat had sufficient experience in handling all the logistics.

We included two other people in our group.One Raghu Bhat-the local boy who had attempted to scale the Agnashini before(also my maternal cousin) and another Murthy who just wanted to part of something unique.He was off late going through a bad patch in his life as he had failed in degree exams and was having a rough time with his parents continuous rebuke.He wanted to just get away from all that atleast for a while.

We were to go in the night after 12 when all in the home were sound asleep.One problem was my grandfather used to sleep outside on the cot in the 'Angala'( for people not familiar with the term-its an open area in villages outside the house made of cowdung).His senses even at the ripe age of 81 was better than any of ours.So we had to be extra careful.Then there was the dog problem-"Raju" was always alert even in its sleep.

We had kept our backpacks ready in the evening in the water pump room so that no one would notice it. Bhat and Murthy were supposed to meet us near the base. We slowly slipped away from the home attracting of course some snarls from Raju.It was 11.45 pm and we had made our way through the narrow creek adjacent to our jameenu.(meaning land).

The road leading to the mountain had traces of tar here and there but due to the coastal rains they were ravaged.It was as though the skin was ripped apart and only the bones(stones) were showing. We first waited for the time to strike 12.So after putting all the medicines in one container-the antivenom given by our good friend Babu doctor included.

Murthy came stylishly dressed not looking one bit that he was coming for a rigourous trek. We looked up the giant mountain,although not big on height it was spread over a large area with the Arabian Sea to the left of it and the Agnashini river to the right.Agnashini beckoned now and we started our trek to unravel the various stories we had heard as young children.

As we made our way through we came across an isolated shack.Bhat said that it was haunted in his usual eyes wide opened manner.He had this habit of giving wind to any rumours.Otherwise he was a purohit in the Amnnavra Temple under the guidance of his father.We dint believe him at first.Manju in his usual abrasive style went inside the cottage to check it out for himself.We all followed him although Murthy stood outside(he dint want to take a chance ;) ).

There was a tiny chimney burning in the corner which indicated to us that the shack was habitated.The doors and the ceiling had begun to leak not being able to take the battering of the rains.The shack was very shabby and on the floor lay a half empty notebook.It was written in malayam. Kumta had a history of people from Kerala coming and settling there either as fishermen,priests or even pimps.

None of us could make any sense of it.Just then we heard footsteps at a distance outside.We rushed outside and hid behind the dense shrubs.The footsteps were becoming more shriller and shriller.Just then we saw a person wearing a cap,torn shirt and dhoti getting into the shack.

The Gud Kagal village was small and hence we would know most of them in the village.We had not been able to see his face properly.Just then he again went out with the notebook which we had seen.We wondered which person in his right senses would roam around at this hour,but then weren't we doing the same thing.

Then Manju said that we dint have any more time to waste as we had to get back to home by dawn.So we decided to drop the case of the mysterious wanderer then and continued up.After a continuous trek of half an hour with nothing much eventful to have happened we decided to take some rest.As it rained the previous evening it was hard to find a place which was not marshy or wet.

Just then we heard wolf cries. It seemed whatever it was ,it was nearby.Manju and Bhat picked up some wood and lit them,just in case there were animals around.Our bronze coloured torches had become redundant in these days of mobile torches.

To be continued soon.............

Season 1 Episode 4

2009-03-14T22:56:00.000+05:30

The goons barged in and one of them said that it would not be good if the complaint was not taken back.Just then M.Venkatesh entered the scene and was asking that fellow to calm down as if to show he was a fair person.He asked Shashwath to kindly take the complaint back.Anybody who met Venkatesh would have been fooled by his sugar sweet voice,his boyish looks and cool demeanour.Nobody knew of the monster lurking inside.

Next day as Shashwath was leaving for his college which he used to rarely attend,on his bike,Sunaina asked whether he could drop her as both their colleges were nearby.Shashwath had never had a girl sit on the backseat of his bike except for his mother.He showed a bit of reluctance but Sunaina said that she had an important test that day and therefore he finally agreed.There was a lot of traffic that day as one of the political party had organised a protest rally bang in the middle of the city.

Shashwath was really pissed off by this indifference of these political leaders for the common man.The more disturbing part was that they were not even apologetic after seeing the mess and chaos they had created.Somehow Shashwath managed to drop her in time.He also attended his college after 3 months since the last time.

Sunaina's friends had seen a boy dropping her and after the test they asked her that.Now she thought that if she said that he was her boyfriend she would atleast end the back slapping comments from her friends momentarily.She said that as well in reaction to which a lot of teenage talk happened.

She started asking drop from him daily and even he slowly started getting used to the idea of a girl on the backseat.One such day she suggested that they have a coffee together in Cafe Coffee Day.He resisted.Why to go there? he asked.For him the people inside these stylish glass houses lived in their own castles far away from reality.He felt uncomfortable within such atmospheres.Sunaina was different.These were places to hang out with friends,have fun and live life.

Finally it was the girl's call.She even promised to pay for it.When the coffees arrived at the table,Shashwath as was his habit of drinking tea/coffee fast gulped the entire drink at a stretch.Sunaina was enjoying was enjoying each sip when she noticed that he had finished fast and was sitting there waiting for her to finish fast.He wanted to get out of there while she just wanted company.

She then ordered something to eat but even in that he was over with in lightning speed."You are always this fast or today something special?"she quipped.Shashwath was an impatient person and around girls he used to be shy also.He waited till she finished hers but all the time just giving her a reminder that he was getting late.

As he was dropping Sunaina near her college gate her friends talked to him as they would with their other friend's boyfriends.He was not getting a hang of what they were meaning but Sunaina managed to send him away."He doesnt speak much,does he" asked one of her friends.She just smiled and tried to divert the attention to something else.

As Shashwath and Sunaina grew a bit more friendly she asked him as to why he used to dress like an old politician.He asked as to why she was bothered about that."You dont respect others opinions only,you are so resistant to change"she said.He replied back "if i change my every trait for each and every person,then what would be left of me?".That struck a chord with her.She realised her childishness in trying to copy the trend.

She also dint want to change because it was the "in" thing but now she still had 2 years in college and for that to go smoothly she dint want to flip flop on this.So the status quo continued.

March 11th 2009:Dawn 4.00 am
Some bags were being offloaded from a truck near ShivajiNagar.The BOMBS were ready and the BOMBERS were even more.The plan was of massive simultaneous serial blasts in the crowded markets of Bangalore.Teams were divided and the plan was being reaffirmed.One team left to City market,one to Malleswaram,one to Basavangudi,One to Yeshwantpur and another to M.G.Road.

This was the sleeper cell of Jung-E-Farat which had become active after months of training and recceing.However this was being used as a diversionary tactic for their ultimate goal of entering Vidhan Soudha and holding the state and country to ransom.Rajat and Varun were about to go together for another audition in Varun's father' car.Varun' father was a government employee and was a highly corrupt officer.His vehicle had the green pass which allowed the car to enter right upto the main entrance as he was a high ranking officer.Through all their sources the fidayeens had come to know of this.

The terrorists had also taken into confidence an inside person in the Vidhan Soudha to keep all the necessary equipment ready,enter them away from the prying security eyes.Everything was perfectly planned including who would join them once they were inside.Two men approaching as Bank Insurance agents had approached Varun's father some days before and had asked his appointment in the morning of march 11th.

They came that morning to the house and asked whether they could go along with him in the car.Varun's father knew that if this contract was made his pockets would be refilled to a large extent.He greedily agreed.But he said that on the way he had to drop of certain documents in Soudha.

9.30 a.m: Bombs were in place.Everything was set.Bomb Blasts had to happen just as the car entered near the Vidhan Soudha security gate.Mobiles were the triggering device.As Rajat and Varun sat inside the car which was jampacked due to the new guests,there was insufficient place.They somehow adjusted and the car sped away.

10 a.m:As the car stood for checking,a mobile button was pressed and......

To be continued.......

Season 1 Episode 3

2009-03-12T00:39:00.002+05:30

For his good luck it seemed that the conductor almost looked through him.It seemed he could not remember who he was.But for Rahul the case or the conductor was least of his worries.He was thinking of his last 10 days of college life and his girlfriend Sheetal Bhakshi.He dint how it would be possible for him to continue with the relationship.

Everytime he imagined some sort of a future with her he could sense something inside in his head echo with his relatives small talk about one of his aunt's daughter who had married someone from another caste and their constant jibbing about them.

He had always been on the right side of the
society acceptednorms-goodacademics,cultured,caretaker,responsible etc.Now he was not ready to go against his own outer image.Last day of college soon approached and he was bidding goodbye to all his friends.As he stood near the gulmohar tree in the college ground with the old leaves lying around him and colourful leaves above,he thought of the first time he had met Sheetal in the exact same place.

They had met as strangers and they had to separate like that.She came.As he looked into her eyes,he could not believe he could not look at them again.She asked him as to what was wrong with him.But instead of learning the real reason she assumed that he was sad because he would not be able to meet his best buddies in college as regularly as before.She even went to the extent of saying that she would make sure that the guys would be meeting up regularly.

He dint want to break the sweet girl's heart by telling her that it was the last time they would be meeting.Holding her hand he said he could just mutter out "I hope i can meet you atleast more than the times i meet my other friends".She sensed something wrong.Rahul had never talked formally with her before.Before she could ask,he said he had to leave for his home as some relatives were coming by.

Before he went out of the college gate he could not help but look back at her lovely face once more.She stood there looking at him with a face that only illuminated of her love for him.He controlled himself and climbed the bus to his home.As was his regular habit,he immediately plugged into FM Radio 94.3 in the mobile.As though by coincidence but aptly "Ghajini's Kaise Mujhe Tum Mil Gayi" was playing.

He had heard it umpteen times before but now the song meant more than just Rahman's soulful sound.As the song played on he could imagine the time he had spent with her.Since the time he had met her his viewpoint regarding various things had changed.The night sky had changed from starry to romantic,candles meant love and not just light.He knew he was punishing himself by letting go of her but dint how to do this.He remembered the time she sent message after message to ask how he was feeling after the bus conductor fiasco.

As the various scenes flashed through he realised his stop had come and got down.Just then his mobile beeped.It was a message from Sheetal "Dont forget me" was written.
His hands trembled.This was the toughest test he was facing till then.Relationships had got more complicated than any of the complicated formula he had studied in his engineering.

As he walked past the park he saw Rajat and Varun with their respective girlfriends enjoy the evening near the park fountain.He dint know why only the rich got all they wanted without trying too hard and he had to adhere to all the society rules.Even Venkatesh's "Chokras" could talk to any girl with the people passing bye not even turning a eye."Why Me GOD??".As it is the middle class had to face the wrath of the SYSTEM the most and now even their personal life had rules imposed on them.

If one love story was on the verge of breaking up another one was just starting.Shashwath had organised a protest in front of the police commissioner's office due to the inaction with regard to bringing the eve teasers of Sunaina to book in the last so many days.The police commissioner had finally admitted the F.I.R.Shashwath had brought a copy of that to Rao household.

Sunaina had always thought of Shashwath of as a jobless person,but what he was doing on behalf of her had forced her to look at him in a different perspective.As Shashwath was leaving to his home after having given the copy,Sunaina came out to thank him.He mumbled something and went away from there.He was extremely conscious when talking to girls.

The next day Venkatesh's goons stormed into Shashwath home and..............

To be continued.......

Season 1 Episode 2

2009-03-07T21:13:00.002+05:30

There was a park in Shanti Nagar in which there was a room built.It was declared as a library when the park was planned out by the BBMP.But a local corporator M.Venkatesh and his goons were running it as a gymnasium by the day and a brothel by the night.

The goons used to eve tease the girls taking a walk there during the evening.Sunaina had gone there one evening and was taking a walk along with one of her college friend who had come to her house.Sunaina was wearing a pink skirt and this seemed enticing enough to the testerone heavy goons of Venkatesh.

One of them try to rub up against her when the girls were passing by.This brazen act continued with another one of them joining and trying to pull the skirt of Sunaina.She cried out and this led to a horde of people of gathering.One of the elderly rebuked the boys and escorted the girls back to Sunaina's home.

The other people knew of the power of those goons and went away silently not realising that their daughters or wives would be in the same position one day.Nobody dared to voice their opinion against the goons because of the "connections" and the power they had.

Sunaina's father was extremely angry and decided it was time to take some action.He decided that he would lodge a complaint with the local police station.However the Superintendent there was also hand in glove with M.Venkatesh.He took the complaint but no action was taken in the following days.However some of the people had begun to talk in hushed tones that it was not right for a girl to walk in skirts in that park knowing that goondas stayed there.

Some even had gone to the extent to say that she might have gone there on purpose to seek attention.Sunaina's parents had made sure that she dint get to listen all this as they knew she was a very sensitive girl and she may take it wrongly.Though Shashwath had strong dislike for Sunaina he went along with Sunaina's father to the corporator's home but he dint ask them to sit as they were not "powerful".

Sunaina's father was feeling helpless.The association meeting happened and all took an unanimous decision to restore the room in the park to a library.They sent a memorandum to the BBMP but empty promises were many but again nothing happened.Soon the fracas was forgotten by everyone else but the scars for Sunaina and her family dint go away.

Neha was a pillar of support for Sunaina and she dropped Sunaina to college everyday as Sunaina dint have the spirit to go alone.Neha was not feeling right about the inaction by the authorities.She decided to take the media route.She contacted one of her contacts in TV9 and compelled them to air a program about this issue.

However the channel aired the program in such a manner that Sunaina's character was also doubted.Sunaina's parents had started getting calls from their relatives and the usual mocking and cynical questions followed.They could not take it and they were angry with Neha and Sunaina for having done this without their knowledge.Sunaina's father wept and asked Neha to leave them alone.

Rajat was told about this episode but as always he was lost in his own world.He and his friend Varun had auditioned jointly for the role and the results were about to put up in a few days.In the mean time they had gone partying to a pub.Neha had also come along with her friends.Some of her friends were drinking.Rajat saw this.Although he used to act all cool and never had any biases about girls going to pubs and all,he went over to Neha and asked "Hey dont drink yaar,you know girls...i mean girls drinking doesnt look right you know??"

Neha looked with a puzzled face.It was a surprise as the "cool" Rajat could ask this.Although she did not drink she found Rajat a hypocrite.She dint know why girls having their share of fun was looked through a tinted glass.She thought about it on her way back home.

Meanwhile Shashwath had convinced Rahul to lodge a complaint against the bus conductor.Two days later Rahul climbed a bus back to his home from college.To his surprise it was the same conductor!! They looked at each other and ...

To be continued......

SEASON 1-Episode 1

2009-03-05T20:07:00.003+05:30

"Bhaiyyo aur Behno,We are the change you have been looking for,we are a party with a difference,we are for the aam admi".Shashwath woke up with a thud.He still remembered the leader's words during a rally held in his college grounds.He was so impressed by the oratory skills of the leader that he had decided to join the party as a member of the youth division of the party.It was 3 years ago.He was beginning to realise the purposelessness.

He had been fooled as had the billions of other aam admi by the false promises.He did not believe in the party idealogy any more as the party itself was not following it.Realising the selfishness of the leaders he wondered whether not giving priority to his studies,being smirked at by society and not even enjoying the work, was worth it.

Just then he heard his father speaking to his mother in the other room about his doomed career.His father was an honest government lower level official.He could hear his father say that he was humiliated when his friends talk about their children who were software engineers or doctors and their six-figure salaries and how he could not proudly talk about his son.

In the morning Sunaina came to ask for milk to his home.They both used to not like each other as he was everything she was not looking for in a boy and she was just a girl who was pretty with no brains for him.They had not bothered to understand each other.Plus her indifference about the society only angered him.

Sunaina gave him a twisted face look and went away from there.He could not believe how could the other youngsters only think about themselves and nothing about the society.He dint like this lackadaisical attitude but what could he do,he was swimming against the tide.

Sunaina on the other hand did not know where her life was going,not that she cared.Valentines day was approaching and she dint have a boyfriend to show off in her Girls-only college.It was the norm and she was feeling the peer pressure.

But she dint want to fall in love with some random guy,but wanted to have the kind of love shown in SRK movies.She was a huge fan of his.Her parents were highly learned people and she being the only child to them wanted her to go for higher studies but Sunaina just wanted to get out of the student mode.

Rahul was packing his bag for college.He was in the final semester of engineering.Everything was going right for this son of a bank manager.He had a rocking career, a dream job and thinking of going abroad for his further studies,a sweet girlfriend about whom he had not told his ultra conservative parents(although they had doubted why his mobile used to vibrate so frequently during the night hours.)

He climbed the bus to college.The conductor took the 10 rupee note for the ticket of 8 rupees,he wrote "2 to give" on the back of the ticket.Rahul then saw the conductor giving change to other people.When he confronted the conductor,the latter abused him with the dirtiest of language.

The conductor said he knew the youth have hot blood and spend their father's money on drinks and cigarettes.Rahul could not take this abuse and retorted back.The recalcitrant conductor virtually threw Rahul out from the slow speed running bus and threw the 2 rupee coin on his face and the bus drove away.

With his shirt all messed up and pant slightly torn he could not believe a person who was right could be treated like this,let alone how a human being could treat another!!He decided to go back to his home.On the way back he met Rajat.He was all decked up with a swanky shirt and torn jeans.He was auditioning for a role of a youngster in a new tv serial.

The casting directors had come to his acting school for the auditions.When Rahul told what had happened to him,Rajat carelessly asked as to why he had to take panga with the conductor for two rupees.

"This is India dude,you have to adjust!!,you are not James Bond man!!" was the answer.This was typical of Rajat.He told this and went away from there.When he reached the gate Neha was leaving for her Arts college.She told that he could go to the "always free" Shashwath and ask his help whether they could lodge any complaint against the conductor.Rahul said that all this drivers and conductors have a powerful lobby and he did not want to invite trouble for his family.

Neha advised him to not tell about this incident to his best friend Shashwath as he would force him to lodge a complaint.Rahul then went to his house and was nursed by his very angry mother.

Diaries of a Common Man-A New Revolution

2009-03-02T17:19:00.004+05:30

Welcome to the life of the AAM ADMI. We are a funny bunch of people.We are the hardest working people and take the oppression imposed on us by well "funny" politicians with the phrase "Thoda Adjust karo".10 people sit on a bench meant for 2.We drive through potholes on roads never once asking for accountability for the taxes we pay.We have big dreams,big aspirations but dont want others to have the same.We go green with envy when someone else from our society buys a new car.

We want the surroundings clean but only in front of our houses.Other people can go take a hike.We think a lot before helping anybody-"What favor can i ask in return?".We spit,shit and do all other dirty work but get hyper critical when we see others do the same.Sometimes i dont know whether the rules were meant to follow or break.We worship our cricketers like demi-gods but then hate them as devils when they lose two matches on a trot.

We buy things not according to our need but just to show to the society that even we are there in the league.We are the worst behaving people when we travel abroad and are the worst hosts too.We sometimes walk for 5 kms just to save a rupee but dont mind spending obnoxiously on our weddings.We dont mind having slums in our neighbours but yell our lungs out when a foreigner makes a film on it.

We are all this and more,we have more negative qualities than any stupid blogger can write but you know what we are the Great Indian Middle Class. We are 700 million strong,independent minded.We face all the obstacles which most in the world dont face and yet are LIVING.

Welcome to the Diaries of a Common Man.Welcome to Shanti Nagar.This area's people face the same adverseries that many of us face.But then they took destiny into their own hands.This movement was started by the youth of the area and that resulted in a chain reaction.

Well let me introduce the main characters of Shanti Nagar:
Shashwath Nigam: The boy with the most vocal political voice.All he cares about are the injustices that the people face.He was a rebel and an anti-establishment kind of person.But he was very poor at academics and had become a figure of ridicule in the area and his relatives.Everyone looked down upon him as a fakir with a 3rd rate hobby of politics and his dhoti-kurta style only emphasized that.Although he used to help out the elderly and the women with their troubles his status did not change.He wanted to get into politics and bring about a change.But only he believed in his dream.He belonged to the old school of boys.

Rahul Jaiswal: The blue-eyed boy of Shanti Nagar.He was a topper in studies and a fantastic athlete as well.All the mothers who were due to give birth wished their children to grow up as an allrounder like him.Where there is praise there is envy as well,so some of them even secretly wished that he could no longer be at the pedestal of success.Everything was going right for him.
He wanted to go abroad for his further studies.

Neha Malhotra: The dream girl of the Shanti Nagar boys.Her dressing style had become quite a rage among the girls both in her college and Shanti Nagar.The boys used to try out various ways to flirt with her but Neha was conservative in the core.She liked to have fun but by not crossing the boundaries.She was fairly good at studies but was more good at designing dresses.She wanted to be a fashion designer but her orthodox parents did not want her to get lost in the maya jaal of the fashion world.

Sunaina Rao: She was the average Jane.She was waiting for her dream man to come to her.She was a hopeless romantic.Also a sentimental cry baby-crying at the smallest of remarks or retribution.She was a dreamer and her dreams did not go beyond Mills and Boon type romantic thoughts.Academics was of last priority to her and her parents were always giving the example of Neha and how she was not a patch on her.

Rajat Patel: He wanted to be an actor.He was from one of the richer families of Shanti Nagar.If you ask him he would not even know the Prime Minister of India but would know the name of the assistant director of even a B-grade movie.Such was his prowess in the knowledge of entertainment business.He was trying to get a break in one of the roles of a new Tv serial. He was a floater,always minding his own business and acting dumb about the rest.

This was what they were but what they became and their journey to this will be told in the coming parts.Come join me in their journey of destiny.

WHAT'S YOUR RASHI??-- 7 days 7 parts.

2009-02-25T21:27:00.007+05:30

Name:Jatin Desai Age:21 Zodiac Sign:Gemini

DAY 1

FEB 15th:Day of the lunar eclipse:the day when most astrologers come out with their predictions of the future for all the "rashis".I was eagerly waiting for my future,rather the probability of my future.For 10 minutes my future lay in some stranger's hands who was racketing out everyone's future as though he had a special communication with GOD above.He had become GOD's avatar on land for us mortals.
After 3 signs came mine.I wanted to know how my future was going to be for that week.I was having an intercollege fest that week and was participating in two events.Since i was a blind believer in astrology i was keen for that week's outlook.After the customary touching of ears and praying for a moment the Dharma specialist told this

"People belonging to this rashi have to be careful this week.Specially people in love or falling in love,there is a chance of being fooled or frauded.Trouble may come from any known or unknown direction.Be extremely careful.It can be life changing.Nothing is what it looks like.Be careful"
he ringed repeatedly.

"Huh!!" I mean what the f*#@.So much about a topic i was not thinking about it then and so less about what i was thinking about.

Anyways i had to leave to the fest that evening for reporting at that place.

I was to go alone from Bangalore while the rest of the college gang were coming by bus from Mysore.I left at 5 in the evening by bus as we had to report by 8.30 in the night at SBMJC the host college.I dint know where exactly the college was located.I asked for directions from one of the fellas who had already reached there.What he told was a long route but that was the only route from Mysore side.But from Bangalore it was 40 km far.Since i dint know the exact location i followed the route told.I landed up in Ramnagaram thinking it was there.

After questioning some locals about the college i drew a blank.Then took an auto to Ramnagaram circle.I again called and my friend said it was in Kanakapura.There was a remote road to it.It was dark and there was no trace of people.To my luck there was a goods vehicle going in that direction.I asked for a drop and the man inside readily agreed.During the 30 km journey from Ramnagaram to Kanakapura we passed through a jungle area.

It was already 8 in the night and it was densely dark outside.This is the time when all the horror films you had watched in the computer come to haunt you.It was him and me.I was afraid to even take out the mobile thinking he might snatch that from me and desert me there.After a while it rang-"humma humma" one of the great ARR's tracks.He took his phone out which to my surprise was a high end one.I was embarrassed to take my mid-range one out.We talked a lot during the entire journey.He said he was a silk carrier from Kanakapura to Ramnagaram.His name was Rahim Khan.

I always had a negative opinion about muslims till then.The reason was hours of breaking news television.I became even more skeptical.15 km to go still and no sight of any houses.

5km to go: i was apprehensive that he may demand a lot of money for this drop.After reaching Kanakapura he said that SBMJC was still 12 km outside town.I asked whether he could only drop but he resented.He asked 15 rupees for the trip and waited until i got a biker to drop me.
My entire perception changed then and there.He was so kind.He not only took a nominal amount but also was caring enough to wait till i got someone to drop me.I had opened one of the doors in my zeolistic mindset.

Now the biker was a Mantri Apartments maintainence man.He was a Kanakapura resident but was called in the night as there was some problem in the Domlur site.He had graciously agreed to drop me.He was Ramesh Gowda.Now i had a major grouse with Gowdas.To my ignorant mind most of them were either rotten politicians or local hooligans.I was wrong again.He talked along the route with his spit flying out,some of them falling on me.I had to repeatedly wipe it.

He dropped me and dint ask a single pie.What a relief?Two notions both gone bust.I was seeing the world outside my little cacoon.Finally after changing 4 vehicles i reached the gate but the guard did not allow me in.He asked for my identity card but it was with my friend who had already gone inside.I called him up and asked him to come to the gate.As i waited restlessly i saw buses with students from different engineering colleges from all corners of Karnataka pass through.Students peeking out of the windows looked at me with suspicious scorn.

Finally my friend arrived and to my utter dismay we had to again walk 2 km to reach the place where we were allocated rooms to stay in.The campus was huge and beautiful.As i lay in my bed fully tired i was called for dinner.The entry in the dinner coupon was punched and i was let in.There was a sea of people in that shamiana.Infinite possibilities existed.There was a host of beautiful girls mingling with ok-ok boys.

After dinner i contemplated over the astrologer's words.I had to be "careful".I dint know when i fell asleep.

PS:Nothing is what it looks like came true that day.

YELLAPPA SAMPANGI-THE MOST HONEST POLITICIAN

2009-02-11T20:59:00.008+05:30

First of all, look at this face,such a innocent face,ah!!the folded hands-shows his determination for "JAN SEVA",so what if he has a few goondas backing him,so what if he transfers honest police officers out of his constituency,so what if his goons beat up teachers in schools for not having supported him during election,no one can question his devotion to money,oh!! sorry his constituency.He does it for "JANARA HITA DHRISHTI".

Everybody who has been watching news or reading the newspapers for the last two weeks will have surely come across this champion of Indian democracy named YELLAPPA SAMPANGI.
The sudden raid by the Lok Ayukta headed by an upper caste person while YELLAPPA SAMPANGI was helping a person named Farooque as any other of our honest politicians do was abominable.
This was yet another example of upper caste oppression or thats what his followers thought.The sudden raid not only raised flutters among the "honest" politicians but also resulted in Sampangi being admitted in 3 hospitals with multiple aches in head,stomach,back and several other places.He was so "hurt" by this act that he was not even able to attend the court due to this.Papaa!!

Was this needed?What did the Lok Ayukta gain from having raided a "honest"politician?Nothing.
What was his fault after all?He was caught accepting 5 lakhs as bribe.This accusation is completely baseless.What he was infact doing was taking the money to help fasten the solution to the problem of Farooque.He knew he would have to give money to the concerned police officers to drop the wrong case which was put up against Farooque.WAS IT WRONG?? I mean would any of us not do the same thing?When we are caught driving our vehicle without the helmet or license,when we do not pay the shopkeeper the VAT tax in order to save those few rupees which otherwise would have filled government coffers.

So what was wrong in Sampangi doing it.(BTW for people who would not given a look to the photo or the news item of the person above,he is BJP MLA from the reserved constituency of Kolar.)
Sampangi thought he was the champion of the dalits.It is politicians like him who have brought about prosperity to the supposed lower class people by championing causes like RESERVATION
in prestigious institutions like IITs and IIMs,alas there are not enough of them eligible for it.

He has taught the poor,uneducated people that they now need to stand up for their rights and the only way to do this is to build up their bodies,talk in a rude way,in short transform oneself to goondas and snatch what is rightfully theirs from the ruthless upwardly mobile people.
What a great "honest" politician!! Such people instead of being hailed , are lampooned in the media.

They ask "Did he not have a soul to accept the bribe,was he not under the people' oath?"
Who are these people to question the "honest" public servant?Ask the same questions to the youth of our nation,the so called modern,liberal youth who are more concerned about protecting their drinking,pubbing rights and championing alcohol as though it was the best thing to have happened to our INDIA SHINING,who dont bother to be responsible enough not to drive while drunk,who are only bothered about a minor rodent called MUTHALIK,why?? because he encroached upon their "SPACE".

So what if Kumaraswamy's son drinks and goes on a rampage in a hotel.So what??
Do any of us care a damn.Y.SAMPANGI is a honorary politician.He simple represents our society.For those people belonging to the middle class and upper classes who believe that they are safely cacooned from the wrath of the "SYSTEM".Wake up!!!For everyday you wont have "honest" politicians like Y.SAMPANGI saving the day for you.

PS: For people who read this blog,if you are honestly an Indian leave a comment here instead of passing it as just another blog.It will be treated as a signature.Who knows if we can make this a movement,we can root out "honest Bas#@#" like Y.SAMPANGI.Come on its time we take matters into our hands,else there wont be a country left to save!!

FEELINGS-IX

2009-02-08T20:00:00.010+05:30

YEAR 2010

That day when i proposed to Priya i was so happy.It was like all the frustrations which i had in my life until then had vanished.For the first time i knew what it was to be in love with someone, with the other also reciprocating it.Even the way she looked at me seemed different from the next day.Life had changed.It also helped that the duration of our project was extended by another 6 months as our HR head was impressed by our work.At the corner of my mind though i was worried about Divya. How would she take the news of her husband having another woman in his life? I made sure it did not reflect in my exterior outlook because i did not want to lose this special relationship.

AUGUST 25th 2010:

My mother had told that Divya's parents had taken my current number.She had left for America as she had finally managed to obtain a visa.I became a bit apprehensive.I wanted to tell them that their daughter's life was not rosy as they had thought.It was no Phool only Kante.But i dint know what to do.Was i to tell her?She may take it in some other way considering the equation we had.The next month i did not hear from Divya.All the while i was feeling guilty. I had left my friend in the cold outside to fend for herself.Had she come to know of the truth?These feelings haunted me. Life with Priya was different.Visits to the park in the evening,watching the sunrise in the morning,candlelight dinners.It all seemed surreal to me,a neverending dream. Unfortunately Varun was feeling left out.

One day i recieved a phone call from an unknown number. The person on the other side of the line was sobbing.It was Divya!!!She was weeping furiously,hardly able to talk anything. I asked as to where she was.When i went to St.Agnes railway station she stood there helpless with her large suitcases.Her nose had turned red due to the cold,her eyes after what i could perceive as hours of crying.Her husband's place was 1 hour from mine.She hugged me and wept vehemently.I could feel her insecurity.She just asked me one question:
"You will not leave me now right?"I really felt very bad.

If I had told her before she came here,atleast she would have had her parents.In this alien land i had made her feel alone.I brought her to my apartment.I introduced Priya and Varun to Divya as my friends.After making Divya sleep in her room,Priya did not look amused.She asked as to why i had introduced like that.I then had to tell the history between us.I now know that between partners it is good to hide certain things for the sake of the relationship.I could sense a change in Priya's perception of Divya.

I wanted to bring Harish to book.We decided to complain to the Indian Embassy about this so that they could help Divya out. I was spending more time with Divya now. We used to regularly travel together to the Embassy in New York now which almost used to take a whole 2 days.We had decided that we would tell Divya's parents after a while as her parents might not take it well.One day all 4 of us went to shopping in a nearby mall to cheer up Divya. As she dint know that Priya and me were seeing each other she could not understand some of the sensitivites. Sample when we were picking a shirt for me Divya overruled a shirt that Priya had picked for her shirt.

That night Priya asked whether we could talk a while.Absence of communication always raises doubts.I had not been honest with either of them. Priya had felt that i still had feelings for Divya.My efforts to qualm her doubts proved to be a dead end.The embassy were generous to provide a counsel for Divya.The case was shifted later to a court in India.Divya could now go back there in March.

FEB 14th 2011

I was excited this day.The couple of months which had passed were bad for Priya's and my relationship.So i wanted to make this day a special one.As it was a Sunday we had a holiday. I had gone out that morning to make some bookings in a hotel for a romantic dinner.I had also bought a gift for her.When i returned in the afternoon the scene had changed. Priya was sitting on the couch visibly angry. Varun told that the girls had a fight after Priya saw a card which Divya had bought for me.Priya had told her about our relationship and ordered her to get out from the apartment.What had made Priya so insensitive to a fellow woman?What had bought about this transformation?

I now understand that it was her love for me,the feeling that i may leave her,this possessiveness is a trait in every human being.Boys have it more than girls sometimes.But that day i dint understand this.What was supposed to be a romantic day turned out to be a black day for me.I went out in search for Divya after mouthing expletives to Priya.I tried to call Divya's cell but she would not pick up.When she did she did not speak.After repeated calls she told that she was going to the airport which was a 4 hours drive.I now took a taxi and sped to the airport.It helped that the taxi driver was an Indian.

When i reached there i could not find her.Just then i saw her.She was sitting on the corner seats all alone.I went to her and we stood there looking at each other with a long pause.I told her to stay.She told that she had booked a ticket by the "speed ticket" offer and that she did not want to interfere in my life.She was hurt that i had not told her.She had also come to know that i had known of her husband's relationship which she felt showed my true feelings for her.My repeated badgering did not help.She said she had to go.As the announcement for her plane came she held my hand.So many things which we wanted to say before bidding goodbye drew blank.I had let her down again.That was the final straw in our relationship.

She left.By the time i returned to my apartment it was 2 in the morning.As i opened the door there was darkness everywhere.I checked to see if Varun was asleep as i wanted someone to talk to,to share my feelings.I knew only he could understand me now.As i opened the door i saw that Varun and Priya had slept.I was shocked out of my senses.I was so angry that i yelled leading to both of them getting up.

"How could you??!!" "How could you!!" i yelled repeatedly.Now i was cheated.On the same day i had lost two girls.And my friend Varun how could he do this!They tried to calm me down.They were attempting to give some explanations but i would have none of it.I was feeling so disgusted that I stormed out of the apartment.I cried so much that day.It was like the turbulent clouds had come visiting again.I had become emotionless.Sensing something very wrong in me my parents asked whether i wanted to return back.

In the next few days i had left my job and returned to India.I was feeling so lonely now.Not able to comprehend this cruel fate of mine i had gone into depression.After weeks of visits to the psychiatrist and then a job in another company i had finally come to terms with life.I had decided never to fall in love again.This mechanical life of mine continued until 4 years later my parents had found a wife for me in Suchitra.

JULY 23rd 2015
I remembered that i had to ask them as to why they had cheated me.Varun told that whenever Priya would feel insecure about Divya and me she had found an emotional support in him.As one thing led to the other that fateful day they had a lot of wine and whisky and in a moment of weakness they had done it.I could still not accept it.

But as i was returning to my home i felt an easy calmness.I did not have any baggage of the past now.For whatever reason they had done it,it was not intended to.

I had learnt something from all my brief "love"ly experiences.
If Sindhu had taught me to be more careful before making any move,Divya had taught me to be more courageous and honest,not to hide anything from someone you love,to stand up for one's love.Priya had taught me what love was actually,how to put it in perspective and how lack or miscommunication creates this unbridgeable gap between partners.

I decided to be completely honest about my past to my fiance.I went in the evening and told her everything and asked whether she still wanted to marry me.She looked in my eye and said "Yes".
Sometimes in life God deprives us of certain desires in order to make us truly enjoy something which we acquire later in life.I had to go through all the experiences to have a happily married life.I was "MEANT TO LOVE".
Now i understand.

AUGUST 10th 2015
My wife asked me what gift i would give her on our honeymoon.I said that i would write a blog on all my experiences until i met my true soulmate.So here it is i have opened my heart to you.It may not be Great BUT IT IS MINE!! I Jatin Bhagwat am happy.Hope you come up with your experiences too.And when you do dont forget to give me a link to it.
Cheers!!

FEELINGS-VIII

2009-02-04T16:39:00.003+05:30

YEAR 2010

That night we both went into a popular hangout of New York,Nirvana.As we sat down in our place to have dinner,two drunken white men came to our table and started abusing us.Apparently they had lost their job in the company where they worked.They thought we Indians were responsible for this as jobs were being outsourced to Indian engineers.First we took it in good humor as we had heard of such experiences from other expats living there.Then they took it a notch higher and this statement "Son of a snake charmer and a prostitute" really angered me.We dint know that such racist mindset and ignorant people still lived in the 21st century.

We saw that other white men there were not coming to our rescue,so we thought of just leaving that place and go.As we were leaving one of the men brazenly pulled Priya's arm and tried to manhandle her.I tried to talk them into leaving her.They got annoyed and both guys started punching me hurling abuses all the while.I was no Rajnikanth,but still tried to fight them but after 30 seconds had blackened out.When i regained consciousness Priya was looking over me.
As my hair was falling over the wound near the eye,she carefully caressed it away.I felt i was in 9th heaven.

Apparently the manager in Nirvana had called 911 and the public had come to her rescue.(Which ever country may it be,people come to rescue of women but men are meant to be battered).I had got some minor concussions with a minor cut on the face.I was put up in a small clinic.Apparently in America it was like i had returned from war.The grave expressions with which the doctor was talking exemplified this.I now understood how americans give importance to each life,whereas in India people react after a major blast only if the death toll is more than 50,else they ask "oh only 10,not big blast then".

The policeman who had come there was more concerned about my background than the profile of the thugs.He was virtually justifying this act.The contrast between the first world and third world was now blurring in my eyes.The glamorous lights of "AMERICA!!" were not that bright any more.The "BIG AMERICAN DREAM" was busted.The lax attitude of the police officer was because i was a brown man.The seniors with whom we had come,came visiting.I was advised rest that day.The next day one of our senior asked us to join them to one of his friend's place.

On the way he was telling how brilliant his friend Harish Kamkelkar was.He said that they were colleagues before and now Harish had shifted to New York to manage the company's division there.We reached Harish's place in downtown Manhattan with the taxi driver looking at me suspiciously throughout the route as though i was going to bring the next highrise down.

The door opened and i was left stunned.It was Divya's husband.I had known his name was Harish but had not known his full name and all.I looked around to see if Divya was there.Harish had not recognized me.How was he to remember one face among a 1000 random faces who came to his wedding?He warmly hugged my senior Girish which highlighted how thick they were.He later called his wife Cathreen!! an american. I was shocked.Had he left Divya?.It had not been even 5 months since they had wed.Girish interrupted me to say that Harish would be rejoining the San Jose division.

Harish asked me something but i was not listening.Priya slightly nudged me that Harish was asking something.On our ride back home Girish said that Harish had married against his parents' wishes.I was puzzled.To remove my doubts i called up to my uncle home in Kumta from an ISD line.The conversation was petering along and i quietly brought up the issue of Divya.Uncle said that she had not yet got visa even after 2 attempts and she was again going to Chennai after a couple of days for this.She would be soon joining Harish!.He asked whether to give the phone to Divya which i politely declined,as i dint have the heart to talk to her.

I had only heard of how some NRI boys used to cheat girls from India specially the rural ones,but this had happened to my dearest friend,no love!.Divya was a sensitive girl whom i knew had built castles about her life and all.She was wronged by not getting to marry her real love,me!!,but i had chickened out and left her in the cold.Now this,this would really shatter her(for that matter any girl).As i was lost in my thoughts Priya asked me what was on my mind.

Our relationship had grown from hate to friendship.We both were now able to understand each other's thoughts even without speaking.It had matured but my mind was still lost on Divya.We returned to San Jose.Varun had joined us there.

16th July 2010:
Our company had organised a party as part of the 50th anniversary of the founding of our company.After dinner there was a ball.Couples were picked on lot for the dance.Priya and me had got different people as partners,but she surprisingly came up to my partner and asked whether they could switch partners.The hot(I mean really hot,i dint want to change ;)) white girl agreed.The dance was a different experience for me.I had changed a lot,from the boy who used to go weak in the guts department when around girls had now learned to live life.Priya had taught that it was okay to have a bit of fun in life.Her exuberance had rubbed off on me.Having never held a girl before,it was embarrassing initially but after a while it seemed right.

After the ball, drinks was served.Rubens literally put the drink in my mouth as he himself was in high spirits.I now drank after coming to America.It was like i had found unlimited freedom.A new alter ego had developed within me.Sitting outside in the lawn looking at the black spotted moon,Priya and me talked a dime to a dozen.I told her everything,even my two brushes with love and also what i had learned about Divya.

This brought to the fore the feminist within Priya.She started abusing Harish and how he should be sent to jail for ruining a girl's life.As she was speaking my respect for her grew.Over the past 5 months i had come to like her many characteristics.Her face shining with the moon in the background made me forget all other things in my mind.As my feelings of love churned out of control in my stomach "I LOVE YOU",i blurted out.Its amazing how certain things which you plan to tell in a certain way come out in the most unplanned of moments.

She looked at me as though a candle was lit in her heart too.But she just walked away slowly from there.I was saddened.Had i lost her?As i was contemplating these various doubts she just turned back and ran towards me.We kissed!!(The second planned thing which just happened).It was so pure and seemed so right.She said that she had planned this run after a famous Spanish movie!!(Whoever said movies do not influence people!!)
I was so happy that day that i dint know what hit me after it...

JULY 23rd 2015:
As i opened the album..."Jatin!!" came a scream.As i looked up it was.... PRIYA.They were now married.I dint know how to react.The girl whom i had proposed to first was now married to my best friend.Memories of how i had come to hate Varun flashed.But now the hate was no longer there.I had come to terms with reality.I dint want to live with the bad memories forever.I decided i had to get on with my life.As i was leaving from there,i remembered something and.....

FEELINGS VII

2009-02-02T20:13:00.003+05:30

YEAR 2010:

Initially we felt very embarrassed to share the same apartment.It was new to both of us though in some way she was more accepting of it than me.Since the mansion was spacious with 2 bedrooms and bathrooms we dint get in the way of each other.Our mutual hatred had not lessened as we dint have to interact much.

On the night of 16th March she received a Skype call from her home in Bangalore.She had gone out to buy some groceries(yes we used to cook only for ourselves).As i could not bear to hear the repeated ping sounds from her laptop i decided to mute the volume.On the screen was a message from her father that her grandmother had died.I dint know how to react.I just went back to my room.

Just then the door unlocked and she went straight to her laptop.I was thinking in my mind that she would breakdown and i would have to step in to console her and all,which i did not want to get into.As i was seeing her from the corner of my room,she calmly took her just bought groceries,kept some vegetables in the fridge and went about her cooking after having read the message in her computer.(There was a contrast in our cooking timings as well.She was the more organized as she used to cook the dishes for night in the morning before leaving to office but i used to come back and cook.)I thought to myself "how heartless this girl is?,her grandmother has died and she doesnt even shed a tear!!".

That night as i lay on my bed i heard some noises from the drawing room.As i switched on the lamp i saw her weeping copiously with her legs crouched on the floor.I could not help but console her as i had a weakness for tears specially if it was girls.I realised that day she was like coconut,tough exterior with soft inside.I was happy that i had acted magnanimous and made her realise that i was a good guy.But the next day was the same like any other.Limited talk.

One day it was tough going for me in office.I had to give a demo of the code i had written but i was not getting it right.I requested the firangis and some other Indians there as well,but all were either busy or appearing so.I dint ask Priya although she was just in the next cubicle as I thought it would hurt my ego.By evening i had alleviated the big problem to a small one but without it,the whole program was not running.

Just then our associate head came for our demos.Out of the blue Priya came to my help.I dint know when she had cracked what the problem was,but she had been watching me.I did the necessary corrections and by the time Alec came the demo was up and running.I thanked her that night in the apartment.Atleast i wanted to be different than her when someone helps.

On another day i had work till late night.As the thought of having to go to the apartment,cook and then eat,i knew that i had to go hungry to bed as all the hotels nearby were non-vegetarian food and no Indian hotels were in the vicinity.I dint want to eat some place else and spoil my stomach for the rest of the week as it had happened in the first week of our joining.As i reached my apartment late night i went through the fridge to see if there was some leftovers.I suddenly noticed some plates with food kept on the table with a note.

"Learn to wake up more early and cook food in the morning itself,this is only for
today".
Although it was caustically written,i felt good that she atleast cared.

July 4th 2010:

It was American Independence day and a holiday.As it was followed up by the weekend it was like an extended holiday.Some Indians whom we had befriended in the company offered us to come along with them to New York to spend the weekend.We happily agreed.Priya had seen New York before when she had come along with her parents for one of her relatives wedding.We lodged ourselves in a hotel,one room for each.

In the evening Priya asked whether i would come along with her to see the nightlife of New York.I agreed and we both first went to Madison Square Garden.The place left me stunned.There were many competitions going on near the nearby Planet Hollywood mall.There was a competition where if we won we could select from any one of Louis Bagge T-shirt,Lee jeans,Sketches Brown shoes or a Verlitto heels.Priya tried first but failed at it.I saw that she badly wanted the heels.I decided to try my hand and by pure piece of luck i was able to win it.The host asked as to what i wanted?

I dint know what i was thinking when i blurted out Verlitto ...heel...heels."Oh the nice man wants the heels for his girlfriend!" announced the host in such an emphatic tone as though he had won it and called us both to the stage and made me give the heels to her taking a snap meanwhile.After we came out i was still in contemplative mind as to what i had just done.I dint want to even come close to fall in love again as i had failed when i tried.

She just asked me for a minute and went inside a store.Half an hour later(I was livid at her timings -one minute is not half an hour,even in India!!,but women;) cant help) she came out with a Shirt and handed it to me and said.

"Wear this,atleast you will not look boring!".As we walked back to the hotel i was mulling over the various reasons for which she bought a Shirt for me as soon as i had won her the heels.
1)She did not want to keep any 'ehsaan'.
2)As we had become friends she might have thought it has a return gesture for my benevolence.
3)She seriously thought i looked crappy which made me more worried.
4)She liked me? now that option was a doubt.

In the night i checked into one of the internet cafes to see my emails.A new mail had arrived and it also said that (one male;)) Varun would be joining us San Jose to work in our vertical.

JULY 23rd 2015

I turned back and it was Varun!.Floods of memories of our friendship flashed through my mind and we tightly embraced each other(like in Dil Chahta Hai) and kiddishly wept as well.I had missed my friend all these 4 years and did not want to further.We talked a lot.He was married also but he told that he dint have the heart to call me as he thought i would spurn him away.His wife had gone out.As he was making tea in his kitchen for us i saw that his marriage album was lying about on the side table.As i opened it.....

FEELINGS VI

2009-01-30T21:31:00.003+05:30

As i was writing the addresses to whom the invites had to be sent, the first name that came to mind was of Varun Ravindranath. It had been 4 years since we had talked.He was my best bud in company but then an event occurred which changed all 3 of our lives-Priya's,his and mine.

1st January 2010:
It had been 5 months since i had joined the company.I had made a few friends among whom Varun had become really close.He was a complex character.His motto in life was to work hard and party even harder.Having various interests such as lawn tennis,puzzle solving and rest,he was a dynamic character.Being a pub freak he scored over many girls.All the bouncers and bartenders knew him by his name.The bugger used to go and work in the night on his computer so that he was ready for tomorrow's tasks in an half drunken state(God knows how he did that).

There was 7 members in our team and majority among them were party animals.The conservative being Stuthi and me.Varun had compelled me to join them while going to Parkinson's or Blue Sprinkle but i used to get away with one reason always-that i had to go back to my home to waiting parents and he to a sloppily kept room and (if he got lucky a beautiful damsel from a party).So one day he did finally get me to go to Blue Sprinkle.As my parents had gone on a tour to Munnar,i relented.Priya and other girl's gang had also joined us which i was a little uncomfortable with.

I used to call Priya as Seth as i was cynical about her showing off her 'Bade Baap ki Beti' attitude.
Since i had never visited a pub before in my life,i had all kinds of negative preconceptions about the concept called pub and the people visiting it(specially the girls).The images of doped and wasted boys and girls conjured up a evil notion about all things 'pub'.In front of the pub door-the bouncer said it was a couple's only night.Varun tried hard to influence the bouncer but that night even the bouncer was not party to any favours being doled out.

But as Varun was so insistent on me going into a pub atleast once,he requested Rammy(Rahul because he had rammed his car into other cars umpteen times while parking)to make way for me as there were only 3 girls and 4 boys.Rammy being Rammy agreed(such an angel).Priya and me entered as a pair.I could feel Varun laughing his lungs out seeing my palpable nervousness and uncomfortableness.

Although thick,I had never told Varun about my previous brushes with love.For him i was just an average Joe from an orthodox family with strong traditional ethos.His parents were divorced and i could understand his sarcasm about everything 'commitment'.

Inside the pub i was surprised to see Priya not boozing.Varun told that she never used to booze but used to only accompany her friends as her mother was very strict about it.That friday night news about a pub attack in mangalore by some hoodlums on young girls was all over the news.I could feel a palpable sense of agreement on most male chauvinists who want girls or women to be limited in their freedom.I sadly was one of them at that time.

The next day there was a small event in our company as an extension of the new year celebrations.Surprisingly our manager had organized a debate that day.The topic:Are pubs anti-indian.Chits were picked.Priya and me were the ones picked.We were given 2 minutes to prepare.I picked 'for' the topic.

Me:Pubs are anti-indian.It was a never part of our culture.It is that part of corrupt western culture which we have inherited.Boys and girls are in an inebriated state and anything can happen to susceptible girls there.

Priya:i can only laugh at the narrow viewpoint of my friend here.Shows how much of a male chauvinist he is.(Moderator interrupts:no personal abuse please!).Sorry!but in my opinion if boys are the erring party then stop boys from going to pubs,why always target girls and oppress them.

Me:See let them ban pubs itself.Lot of unethical things go on there.My big problem is underage kids enter such places and spend money which is their father's hard earned money.

This led to a series of caustic remarks against each other and lot of bad blood.As i was a non-smoker i asked one of my colleagues from smoking as there was a law against it now even in office spaces.Priya pitched in to defend that guy asking as to why i had a problem with everything.I reprimanded her for not following rules ever,"antisocial bitch".She screamed a lot and let loose a host of expletives.

Now with this obvious hatred for each other,we were flustered when we were picked together for an onsite project to San Jose,California for a period of 6 months.

19th March 2010:McClellan-Palomar airport,California:
The Air-India plane landed at the airport and Rubens Peters our associate head had come to pick us.He was surprised that the India office had sent people with 10 months experience.We told that as we were working on the same vertical we were sent.He then rode us to the office guest house which he warned was only for a period of one week after which we had to look for our own rooms.As we did not have any of our relatives close by to the San Jose city we had to look for our rooms.Having just joined the company we wanted to save as many as dollars as possible.I was surprised that Priya was very independent minded as she did not want to ask her Dad for anything.

Though belonging to a upper middle class government officer family she used to save up any money given by her relatives so that she could buy her own things.This was the first time our mentalities matched atleast a little.After asking the cab driver for help we realised that rents in that area are very high and would not come within our budgets.The cab driver suggested that we should share a room. I told him we are indians and not americans.But at the end of a week after a lot of searching and contemplation we came to a conclusion that we had to share a room.We got a two-bedroom apartment in Elvin Road with the help of Ruben.

July 23rd 2015:TODAY
I decided that i have to bury the hatchet and went to Varun's house since i had got to know where he stayed from one of our common friends.I rang the bell but no one answered for about 10 minutes.After having waited long i decided to leave and send the invite by post.As i was about to get into my car,"Jatin!!!".I turned back and....

FEELINGS V

2009-01-27T16:35:00.000+05:30

It was Bhatta. He had a puzzled look on his face. Divya emerged out from inside. Rain had by then reduced to a drizzle. She dint look at me nor Bhatta and hurried away from there. This probably increased the doubt in Bhatta's mind. He looked around if there was someone else watching. He gave a sigh of relief. With anger in his eye he questioned as to why we had took shelter in this room rather than take cover under trees. "we would have got drenched man,besides there was the danger of coconuts falling on us, look at the breeze".

"I trust you as a friend Jatin,but seeing how Divya went.....".

"Nothing happened,i would not take advantage of any girl,let alone her"

"You are a city boy,i have seen how u people live there,you are very modern people man,but here in village still we have certain values left man,besides you know how it is in villages,each person likes spicy news about others,wants to defame others and they take pride in doing that"

"If they had seen you both coming out,you know how they would be stories going on about u people,our's and your family reputation would have been ruined forever man".

I was sorry for causing anxiety in my two dearest friends.The way Divya had gone from there i was sure i had lost all the trust.The next day i got a chance to redeem myself.Her mom had asked me to go along with her to buy some groceries for a function in their house as Bhatta had to go to temple to conduct the poojas for the day.The tradition there was that the temple ceremonies had to be conducted in round robin fashion by the delegated few families.

In the bus we dint talk only.There was a certain awkwardness.Our hands touched accidently on the seat handles,and there was an immediate withdrawal from her.I could see how sensitive she had become.I wanted to talk about what had happened but dint know how to start. Surprisingly she broke the ice and talked about the function rather than what mattered.There was a deliberate avoidance of that topic whenever i tried to bring it up.While returning back i forced her to get down one stop behind so that we could get a chance to walk the talk.
"Look we need to talk about it,we cant avoid it...I am sorry,the moment was crazy ok and we both got carried away,it had never happened to me before.I know now the equation between us has got complicated"

"equation?"she quipped.
"sorry influence of watching lot of english tv shows". She used to talk very less and most of the conversation was initiated by me.I wanted to tell my hearts "feelings" to her.So i requested her to come and meet me at the backside of the temple day after the function.That was my big fault.I should have told her that i liked her then."Seized the moment" as one of the protagonist says in my favourite FRIENDS show.

FUNCTION:many guests had come to her house.I gave the Bhatta household all the help i could.I returned to my grandma house early.In the night Bhatta's father came visiting.He seemed very happy.He told my grandmother that a very good relation had come for Divya."The boy has settled abroad.His parents were in Bangalore "and various other details which i was not interested in.Grandma was asking other details and reveling in the happiness of her guest unaware of the storm brewing in her grandson's heart.I felt clueless.Was i to commit?what consequences will it have?how will i handle the colourful stories churned out by the gossip hungry villagers?my parents?her parents?oh i would become mad!!

I could not sleep that night The next day was spent contemplating my next move.Bhatta came in the afternoon and asked if we could talk a little away from other's glare.He hugged me and said that he was happy that i had so sensitively handled the situation that evening.He was so happy that he was getting a stud as his brother-in-law.Not able to handle the situation i acted cowardly.I immediately decided to go back to Bangalore and climbed the bus in the night.I din't have the courage to meet Divya in the night.

I fought this decision of mine with my conscience.How could i have stranded her?Sindu had cheated me,i had cheated Divya.Was it justification for me being wronged?.Although she had not talked much,i had seen the love for me in her eyes.Her actions indicated that.This doubt was confirmed when i went to her marriage 3 months later.

"I was waiting at Tulsi katte till 10p.m"she said when i was giving the gift to her.I saw in her eyes the hope that still something could happen.What she dint know was how escapist my mind was.

"Congratulations for your wedding and have a good life",i asserted as though i was some elderly person.These were the last words to her.Bhatta handed me a diary of hers on my way out.
"Keep it with you",he quipped with a sad look in his face.

When i went home and opened the diary,what was written in it choked me to tears.It gave an insight to her innermost feelings.She used to talk less but more than made it up in her diary.It had the details on her life till then.I saw how special i had become in her life.She was waiting for me to move forward.I just shut the diary with disgust and with it all the feelings i had for her.She was married and I had to respect that.This was no hindi movie for a happy ending all the time even in bizarre circumstances.

I thought then that i could never fall in love.First i did not want to,and now destiny did not want me to.Maybe i was born to become a good mama to all of my friend's children-"Uncle!!".I hated love songs on TV.Hated to see a couple so much in love and getting a chance to cherish it together.You can say i deliberately acted Devdas but the difference was that workahol had replaced alcohol.

This season of depression continued until one day i met Priya Seth!
in office.
She was a motormouth.Our thinking and personalities were like chalk and cheese.But as they say opposites attract.

We met on 31st december 2009,New Year's party in office:
She was recently shifted to our vertical to work on an image processing DiCom project.She was in the same team as me.Our team members were divided on pseudo modern and modern lifestyles.
She was the embodiment of everything i had hated in girls,or so i thought.I was bit of a chauvinist back then.

July 23rd 2015:TODAY
As i am writing this story, the invitation card of my wedding is being readied-"Jatin weds ...." is written in gold letters.Some memories flash through my mind.One of them caught my attention.I tried to remember it properly and....

FEELINGS-IV

2009-01-25T21:22:00.000+05:30

It was my grandma.She requested us to go the temple and deliver some bags to my uncle who was a priest there.So Bhatta and me made our way up the 1001 algae laden steps to the temple on the hill top.I had almost forgotten the beauty that pervaded this place.All along the hills were neem and gulmohar trees intermittently covered with coconut trees.The dew on the leaves was still present even though it was approaching dusk.The green colour lay very symbolically before us and occupied the entire space as far as our radius of sight sent.When we reached the temple all the elements of nature were laid down as a feast for our eyes.On the left lay the arabian sea,on the right lay the mountains.

It was a huge difference for a guy from the 'oh-so' polluted city.As we were entering the main temple Divya was making her way out.Bhatta told that she used to come daily at this time.In that surrounding she looked like a Goddess.The white garland on her long locks,the carefully worn dress,the kumkum on her forehead,all created quite a stir in my mind.The bad memories of my previous experience were slowly being erased.She just smiled and went away.I wanted to talk with her,but her apparent indifference and Bhatta proved quite a hindrance.As she moved down the sound made by her sandals seemed like music."Was i losing myself in the maze called love again?".I dint know.

The next day while talking to my granny i was proudly telling her how i had gotten myself involved in social work.I also told her how i had toiled hard during my holidays to prevent a local corrupt corporator from winning back during the BBMP elections by distributing pamphlets and all.Grandma said that Divya also was like me.She was leading a campaign to fight the corrupt DC as he was not sanctioning the amount from the NREGS(for the unknowledged it is-National Rural Employement Guarantee Scheme) to the local youth which they were rightfully entitled to.

To be frank,i did not think much of the intellectual capital of village girls, only thinking of them as obliging belles.I dint know frail and pretty looking Divya was so strongly opinionated.Grandma told that Divya was going to "INTERETTU"(in her own village tone,so funny but yet so different )to collect knowledge on this and send some petitions to some "DODDA SAYABRU"(big person).I felt relieved. All the lurking doubts disappeared from my minds.I felt fascinated by the multiple layers of personality in this girl.

So the next day in the evening i left Grandma home early(so that i could lose pesty Bhatta) to catch up with Divya in the temple.When i reached there she had not yet come.She did finally come.I acted as though i was unaware of her presence.Praying in total bhakti and putting kumkum on my forehead(such a religious boy nah!!;)).Our eyes met,her 20 watt smile blinded my eye for a moment,atleast it seemed so(all srk movies effect).We talked that day.So much that it seemed we had never really lost touch at all.

This continued for a couple of days.One day grandma sent me on a chore to the town.I longed to see Divya that day but had to wait till evening.In the evening Bhatta,Divya and me decided to go to the beach.We made our way to the thatched room we had built as kids near to the beach.I was overjoyed to see it still standing.Of the three i felt very close to this one.Bhatta told that i should thank Divya for this,as she had taken care of it all these years.She used to tell him that Jatin is very affectionate about this.I felt good inside."She did all this for me!!WOW!!".

We ventured out to the waters.Played a lot.As it was prime raining season that time there was a slight drizzle.The weather was very romantic but BHATTAAA. Fortunately Bhatta was called by the local coconut tree climber for some work.We two were left alone but now strangely both felt a tinge of shyness,a little odd,cant really describe what.

It started raining heavily(you have to really experience the coastal rain)and we could somehow run fast and find shelter in the thatched room.Both of us sat at a distance.The rain was unrelenting and slowly our conversation veered towards what Bhatta had told about her maintaining this room.The talk started having a romantic and a flirtatious tone.The distance reduced between us.At this age our minds do waver.Raindrops trickled down our faces.There was definite sexual tension as the soft talk proceeded.Now our faces were near and our lips more.In a moment of weakness we were about to kiss when i heard Bhatta call my name from outside.

There was a long pause,we had frozen.Not able to comprehend what had just happened ,we sat in a stoned silence.I could not react,what to tell,what to say.She sat there almost on the verge of crying.Although nothing had happened i was able to understand the importance girls give to such things."JATINN!!!" .I was blasted into my senses. I came out and.....

FEELINGS-III

2009-01-21T14:11:00.000+05:30

It was her.She had seen me at the door and subsequently my attempt to disappear.She came to the door and asked as to why i was leaving.I started mumbling some reason but i guess she knew.She might have understood me through our various conversations but this was to be the first face to face.I dint know it was also going to be the last.She introduced me to her fiance.He was working in a top MNC and her parents had arranged their 'milana'.

The meeting was very awkward for me especially because none of us knew why I was actually there.Sindhu dint know i was about to reveal my feelings,He dint know who i was and I was never sure anyway.The whole conversation petered around how they were introduced to each other and the romantic ballads he had written for her.

I wanted to get up and go as i was kicking myself for having made a fool myself.I dint know why she had agreed to meet up if she was busy with someone else.Why had she written that letter?So many questions but no one to answer.

After our 'rendezvous' with each other we all left to our rooms/homes.I watched them take off on their costly bike.I felt letdown by her.It only confirmed my notion that all girls were cosmetic.
She later pinged me on gtalk but i was in no mood to respond.

I felt cheated.I had always romanticised the movie scenes where the hero walks away dejected with his heart broken but never knew it hurts. I dint go online for some days after this.When i went online eventually i received some chat which was sent when i was offline.It was from her and wanted to talk.I sent back a mail saying "No,thank you!".I dint know why i was so rattled then that i sent a crude reply back.I came to regret this decision later in my life.Not then.Then i was just angry.Immature to handle it.My experience with a 'girl' had made me suspicious about their breed ,enough to make me cynical about everything love.

The entire semester passed and it was time to leave college.Hugs and tears on the last day as well as many goodbyes.I would not be able to meet some of my best friends regularly everyday.I would miss everything-the classroom,the daily chai at the bakery,the yampa gossips,pranks played on teachers.I had watched a movie on life in engineering,at the end of which the protagonist says it is going to be the beginning of days of responsibility.

I was nervous on how i would be able to handle it.The gap between the last day and my joining date in the company i was placed was a month and a half.During this time i felt very alone.Friends were busy in their own world and no one to share my innermost feelings.I decided that i would go to my native Kumta a remote village in the coastal area of Karnataka.The last time i had gone there was when i was in 6th standard.So wanted to see the change that had happened there and also to digress from my present mood.

23rd June:
After getting down from the bus in the morning i took an auto to my grandma' place.All through the route i was soaking in the fresh,unpolluted air,the amount of generosity Mother Nature had bestowed upon this village had entralled me before and still to this day continued.Nothing much had changed since the last time i was here.There were some notable ones though:a cable dish on most of the homes and boundary walls earlier made of thorns and cactus were now being replaced by concretized walls.

This was the change that i could perceive from outside.After i got to my grandma house I was amazed to see the change that had taken place there.Floors were now tiled,walls cemented and many other changes.After the customary grandma-grandson talk,I decided to walk around the vast acres of the estate.Green leaves,clear water,pure air-all the ingredients to forget our troubles and tribulations was there.

In the evening a girl came visiting to the house.My grandma asked whether i could identify her.I could not recollect who she was.Grandma told that she was Divya.This brought a rush of memories back to me.We used to play when we were little children.I used to call her 'soda batli' because she used to wear spectacles then.

Now she had changed so much that i could not recognize her.After a very shy sharing of complimentaries she proceeded to give a tin of butter she had brought.And immediately left.We had a lot to talk,lot of catching up to do,so the next day i went to her house.

Our families were very close friends.She had a brother whom we all used to lovingly call Bhatta. We both had troubled grandma a lot and played many other pranks whenever i used to go to my village.Divya was not there.After having to forcefully eat a lot of sweets given by doting aunty Bhatta offered to take me around.While going out Divya was just coming back to the house.I wanted to stay back but knowing Bhatta i dared not to refuse.

After sharing a brief glance with each other,I was taken to the village market.I saw an internet cafe on the way. I decided to check my mails as the joining date was nearing.Bhatta shouted in excitement whenever an ad or popup featuring an attractive girl wearing minimal clothing came up on the screen.I had to hush him down.He seemed very dazzled with the speed with which i wrote mails,sent as well as read some.He later said that i had become very "modern".He said that Divya also used to visit that cafe a lot,but he himself had never gone there.I again became suspicious about her.I thought "yet another one of my crushes has someone else in her life".I found it hard to deal with my trust bankrupt heart.

Later in the evening we made our way to the beach near grandma house.As we were about to go I heard my name called from behind.I turned back and.........

FEELINGS-II

2008-12-25T00:43:00.000+05:30

And it was not who i had hoped it was."Jatya" yelled my roomie Raghu."Where are you going?".
"Oh! i forgot i had messaged you to pick me maga".His reply to this was the usual terse "K".As i hopped on to the back seat of my Star sport bike,i hoped to get one glimpse of her.Along the route i tried to rewind our meeting in the train and thought about the various alternatives that could have happened.

We had to stop at a traffic signal and an auto also was halted next to us.From what i could make out its occupant was a girl and she was wearing a dress that appeared to be the same that Sindhu was wearing.I was not able to see the face but was hoping it was her.I asked Raghu to move the bike a little forward.After getting the answer for his query as to why he had to do it,he eventually moved a bit front,but by that time the signal turned green and i lost sight of the auto in that traffic mellee.

Reaching my room,i immediately sat in front of the PC and logged into orkut and tried to trace her through other friends who had studied with me.I finally found one of her close friend's account but to my disappointment Sindhu was not in her list of friends.Then i tried to search for her in our college community account.There was one Sindhu but her profile read "female,committed,mysuru/bengaluru". I felt hollow inside.Then clicked on her album pics which confirmed my doubt.

It was "HER".I had never felt this sort of emptiness inside me.Depressed i sat on the cement parapet outside.There was a feeling of betrayal.But then i realised she was never mine,because we had never tried,No i had never tried.Then there was a sense of mocked scorn on what i had reduced myself to.I was and wanted to be different than an ordinary lovestuck teenager desperate to show that even he was a part of this supposedly modern gennext,flaunting gfs and boyfriends.But i was bordering on being sadistic.Everything was bad and everyone even more.

I promised to myself that from that day i would not digress from my main goal of becoming a "big" person,but however much i tried to make my mind resolute that day,her face was still haunting the inner corners of my heart.The next morning there was a surprise-
my orkut account had recieved one scrap.It was her's.The scrap read-"Why dint you leave a scrap when you took the effort to find me here?".

Gosh!! how had she found out.I saw my settings and the profile visits option was not hidden.All the resolution i had made the day before fizzled out.I was very happy,no elated.I replied and this set off a series of conversations over the next few months ranging from movies to placement(ya we need to worry about our bread too!!) to rest.Everytime while coming to the end of a conversation i came very close to say the three words which so far was banned in my dictionary of ambition.But i was apprehensive about the consequences.

February 14th-Valentine's Day
It was the day of love and this loomed large on my thoughts."Should i tell it today?","No,it might all lead upto something which i cannot manage,was i even capable to handle such mature things?".These two diverse thoughts inside baffled the hell out of my head.I had never faced such a situation before.Every year when the college crowd would wear the customary red or white in accordance to the tradition i made sure i looked different by wearing black or some other boring colour.

But this year it was different,I wanted to be like the rest,feel the same feelings as others.I dint want to inhibit myself from sensing the romance.I called up Sindhu(ya i had got her no by then)and requested her to come to Cafe Coffee day in K.D.Road.At first she was reluctant but probably sensing my fervent tone she agreed.

I bought my first rose and wanted to tell her all my feelings unequivocally.I had not spent so much time in front of the mirror,taking care that powder was applied correctly and uniformly(more on beauty tips later!!).Then something hit me which hadnt in the past so many days."Committed" word in her profile.What did it mean?Was she seeing someone else or has her marriage been fixed?But i put that behind me.Now was not the time for it.

As i entered Coffee Day she was sitting there in a lovely red dress but with someone else.The rose fell from my hand.I was going back when i heard my name called from behind.I turned back and..................

FEELINGS!!

2008-12-11T09:27:00.000+05:30

It was monday,16th july
4:00 a.m : The alarm of my mobile sang "Lakshya" title track.I tried to put it on snooze but it again awoke me 9 minutes later.Cursing i got up.This was a weekly routine for me since i had joined engineering in Mysore with my native being Bangalore.I had to get up at this time on every monday morning to catch the 5.45 or the 6.30 train to Mysore.Well getting back to where we were.Right i got up,freshened up with the customary teeth brushing and bath.Having clothed up i was about to leave my home when my mother told me to wear my sweater.I tried to argue that it would not look cool on me but,warming up to prevent the early morning cold took precedence over looks.

After a minor squabble with the bus conductor to drop me off at the stop nearer to the back gate of the railway station than the farther main bus stand i ran to the ticket counter only to find the queue like a serpentine.

Having got the ticket for the 5.45 train i jostled with the rest of the commuters to find a place to sit.I sometimes wonder as to how large our population is.As i was lost in some of my thoughts a fat(I mean very very fat),grumpy middle aged woman came and sat next to me almost squeezing me to the window side.She had brought along what looked like 7 of her children."Gosh!! how did they find the time to have so many,considering all looked the same age?"

Not able to take the rucus the children were creating,I was about to get up and go from there to find myself a more solitary place.As i was about to do so,I was blocked by a girl who was making her way to the seat opposite to mine next to the window in a tearing hurry.Having asked the aunty to look after my place just in case i dont get any other i started looking around the boggie but was met with disappointment.Dejected i came back knowing fully well that my morning sleep had gone for a toss.

As i made myself comfortable in the seat i realised that the girl sitting opposite to me was my classmate in PUC. She was one of those girls whom i felt i had a crush on in the long list of this "had been teenager's diary".But her name? i had forgotten.How could i?Then i remembered it started with 'S'.Sindhu or Spandana.The choice came down to these two names.While i was trying to remember what her name is,i realised even she had not remembered me.In the corner of my heart i felt sad for this state.She was in the same batch as mine for Biology and physics and same class in which i was one of the toppers!(Ya i am proud of that,so dont scorn).

Just then "Sindu Prasad",ya i remembered thats what the name was.I wanted to strike up a conversation with her but dint have the confidence to cause we had not had any when in college except this one time in physics lab when she had asked as to where the HCl acid was kept!!.
But to tell you the truth we used to have these repetitive glances at each other when in class.I dint know what was it then,still dont know what is it,but it felt kinda good looking at her eyes from a distance of two rows.For the one time we had talked ,my friends had teased the head out of me telling that it was love,so much so that for a moment even i had begun to think like it.I am sure it was the same with her friends cause they used to giggle and murmur whenever i passed through the corridors or other places near them.This eye watching continued for a long time.It felt as though we knew a lot about each other even though we had not spoken a word."What was that ,that drew us to look at each other and make eye contact every single time,every single class,every single day?"

Cut to last day of college,I was restless to speak to her after the last exam because i wanted to make sense out of what i was feeling.I was pretty sure it was not love but just a mere infatuation but wanted her help for clarity of thought.After i finished the exam i went and sat out near the outer wall of the college campus looking for the time when she would come out.

She did.She was wearing a beautiful pink dress that day.As i got down from the wall to go where she was standing with her friends i was tapped on my shoulder by Vikram(my best bud in college) and we started our usual boy talk.Still i was looking behind to check whether she was still there.I was not able to take my eyes off her.I decided that i would go and talk to her that very moment.

As i proceeded towards her my chemistry teacher interrupted me in my path asking as to how i had done(the negative effects of being a topper)in the exam. When i turned back to look where Sindhu was,she had already gone.I ran towards the 15th cross bus stop which both of us used to frequent.She was climbing her usual bus home.She sat down in the window seat and looked towards me.I wanted to speak but words went into deep freeze.

But i still dint get the courage to talk?what if she looked down on it,even those beautiful moments which i had with her(just eye to eye contact that is) would be soured by this.I decided to leave it there.Maybe it was just meant to a sweet breeze that blew through me.Her bus started and that was what i had thought then our last "eye contact".

And we are back to the train
She was reading some magazine zealously.I wanted her to notice me.So when the tea vendor came around i screamed out aloud for one "chaiyya"(that was how it is called out by our dear train tea vendors).She still wouldnt lift her head although the fat aunty gave me a dirty look as though she was disturbed by the yelling.I was disappointed.I soon realised that she had grown to be a more beautiful girl than what she was in college and me,well the topic is about her-so lets stick to it.

Then came the maddur vada vendor,i ordered 2 ,ate all of them.How i wish i could have shared one with her.But why did i feel so?Can it be love?Nah!!love has a time and that is after age of 26,not now,this is time for studies and friends.We were not mature to make such mature decisions.;).Are these not the things drilled into our heads by parents?

After a while she lifted her head and we made the eye contact i was missing for the past three years.She smiled and i returned it.All the things that i had planned to talk to her were not coming out of my vocal chords.She then asked me as to how i was.We soon striked up a conversation but made sure it avoided the famous eye talks of ours.
The talk was so general that after a time the enthusiasm fizzled out.The mutual admiration society continued but still the conversation was not in the zone i wanted.We went on talk about our future plans after engineering.I said that i was preparing for cat while she was interested in gate.She hated management it seems,while i loved nothing else.Quite a good way to start i thought.

We talked so much during those two hours that it seemed like a lifetime.I felt like asking as to why she used to stare at me during college and why her friends used to giggle(LORD!! i hate that quality of girls,that silly giggling)at me,so many questions but no courage to ask them.She then starting writing something in her notepad.I thought it was some college work of hers,so dint go to disturb her.
After 10 minutes of silence she broke the ice again asking as to how was vikram and my other friends whom she knew.I thought "why did she want to know about all of them when i am here?.Was i just another guy from college for her?,Then what was all that eye contact about",darn i wish i knew all the answers.

Just then the train halted at Mysore station.Time to say goodbye.I had not even asked her mobile number during the entire trip,so dint deem it fit to ask her now.She bid me goodbye and went away from there.I saw that she had left her magazine.As i took the magazine in my hand a piece of paper fell out of it.Curious to read it,i opened it(mind you i had gotten down from the train).The letter read

"Dear Jatin,
I know you desperately wanted to ask whether there was anything between us,why chaitra and the gang used to giggle when you were in our vicinity etc.It was because they knew how much i liked you and you not understanding it.Also i knew you felt insecure when i asked about your other friends in the same manner as yours.It was to only to keep the conversation going.I havent forgotten the small beautiful moments we had together and i know you havent too.We had a future i thought in my dreams,but....forget"

Wow!! i thought a girl mustering up so much courage to write a letter like this and me a damn fool still mulling over the possible consequences of me wooing her.As a flood of memories filled my mind,i soon realised i couldnt do anything about it,neither did i know where she stayed in mysore,the college she was doing her engineering nor her phone no.I ran towards the entrance of the railway station to check whether she was still there.I could'nt find her in all that rush.I was dejected.I thought it was the last time we had seen each other.I wanted to store these memories in a beautiful compartment in my conscious.Maybe we were just 'meant to love' not commit i thought.

Picking up my luggage,i made my way to the prepaid auto stand.As i was climbing onto the rickshaw i felt someone call my name behind.I turned back and...............................

My Thoughts!!

2008-12-07T21:08:00.000+05:30

I was watching NDTV at 11:00p.m on the night when terror not only struck Mumbai but also the the hearts of every Indian.Initially what appeared as just another gangwar later came to be known as what is today referred to as India's 9/11. Looking at the gory site of blood and torture everywhere,I felt a sense of anguish,anger and all other sentiments which my brethren in Mumbai and everywhere else are sensing.There was and still is justifiable anger towards the establishment.The lackadaisical nature of the people whom we voted to serve us who seemed to be sleepwalking through the various alerts issued by various security agencies was appalling.

I wondered as to how many more lives will have to be sacrificed to these religious zealots before our netas woke up from their deep slumber.I knew it had to be this time.The public is seething with anger.The very people who had the patience to wait for hours before a politician's cavalcade zipped through the busy traffic were now willing to even take their lives in public.The rancour was palpable and to a large extent justified.

But i said to myself "Hang on! do the politicians not behave as we allow them to","Do they not represent the nature of the prevalent society.Our country has debased itself by wholeheartedly sinking into the low ambits of corruption.Right from the jhaduwala to the bureaucrat,right from the suave IT Engineer to the richest businessmen,we all are neck deep in a corrupt society we have nurtured and developed from an infant terrible to demonic proportions.We are the first to flout rules at our will and this has resulted in a cascade of events which has resulted in this anarchy.We do not have a sense of belonging to our own motherland.We spit,urinate and do all the other things in roadside corners,we throw garbage in front of other's homes and are the first one to cry out when we face the same.

Added to this brazen behaviour,have we ever behaved in a responsible way.We always seem to know the rights of ours and duties of others.We all hooted and clamped when the NSG commandoes came out victorious from the various flashpoints.Enough and more airtime were given to these genuine heroes.With all due respect to our armed forces they were just doing their duty,so lets not get caught up in their heroics.The primary issue to be highlighted is "The commandoes did their job,have we done ours".

We never react strongly to any major bomb incidents.Its as though deaths and guns have become a part of life.Sometimes the gundas come from the another country and sometimes as armed guards of local corrupt corporators.We never make our leaders accountable.There are enough and more visionaries in our country but what we really need are people who can take quick decisions and implement what is urgently required.

Let us channelize this anger now to redefine India's might in the new global order.Let us reform ourselves first before expecting others to.Let us vow from today that we will follow even the smallest rules set by the state.Let us not be cowed down by acts done by some barbaric maniacs(Let them be damned.).Let us perform our duties with the utmost sincerity and honesty and we will soon see the change we want to.Let all the citizens of specially cities go out to vote and not sit in their customary drawing rooms watching the results on TV and be the first to scream out when any of their right is infringed upon.Let us all be Indians first and later Amar Akbar and Anthony.

Jai Hind!!!